I didnt mean to, I just exaggerated how much better things were getting just to show that I was making progress. Now I feel like Ive made a fake version of myself she thinks is doing great.
How do I walk that back without sounding like a pathological liar 🫥 I genuinely don’t know the answer.
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You tell the truth. She probably won’t be surprised. You are definitely not the first person to tell some fibs in therapy, and she’s a trained mental health provider.
‘I wasn’t completely honest with you when we started – I was nervous, so put up a mask. The reality is that I’m feeling…….’
The best scenario is ofc that your therapist caught it, but the one you’re in is not bad either: you performed a behavior in the therapy room where your therapist can see it and help you handle and understand it. This shit is actually therapy gold and if she’s good, I think she will gladly take the chance to have a conversation about the expectations you feel/set for yourself.
Just say it out loud.
Also….therapy is a two way thing. If your therapist is not setting up an environment where you can be totally open…that is part of the problem.
That being said…it’s not like you are “winning or losing” in a therapeutic setting. YOu’re just there to talk. OK, so you said some bullshit. Walk it back…or “exit without saving” and start from there. My guess is it won’t be her first time experiencing this.
If your therapist contributes to guilt about this incident, you might look for a different partner in your journey. You need a person who it is EASY to be honest with.
You won’t be the first
Tell her. She wont care as you’re paying by the hour. You’re there for you, not her.
You tell them. Otherwise therapy is a complete waste of time. So tell the truth or quit therapy.
Tell her and tell her why you lied. She’ll likely take it as feedback and alter her methodology to something more suited to you.
You finagled the truth to make yourself look better, and now you regret it. So now you’re asking us what’s the best way to finagle this truth to make yourself look better? Is that a fair assessment of this question?
Just tell the therapist. If she’s any good, she already knows
You tell the truth, that you wanted to appear better than you are
You wouldn’t be the first one to do that. She might already know, this is her job
Therapist here. Patients do this literally all the time and it honestly makes me feel like they don’t feel safe telling me the truth. I always tell my patients that I should be the ONE person that they should not worry about disappointing. You would not make an appointment with your doctor for an issue, and then return and tell him you are cured when the medication he gave you did not work, but why do people feel like they have to protect their therapist’s feelings? You are LITERALLY paying me to shut up, listen and be unattached and unbiased in my reaction. That is my literal job. Yeah it can be frustrating when a client does not make progress but I definitely don’t take it personally. You get exactly what you put into therapy. If someone came to me and told me this, I would discuss the underlying reasons and possible transferences behind it. Transference is a phenomenon in therapy when a person projects feelings and behaviors onto the therapist that are not really about them. For example, say your mother was overly critical, unavailable and cold to you, you come to therapy and the therapist is a woman that is older than you. For the first time, you have someone that listens, understands you and wants to help you without criticizing you. They believe in you and you have never had that!. You then apply a feeling of wishing that person could be your mother and in return, a deep desire not to let them down. So, you lie and say their treatment is working and you are doing great. But you aren’t, but then you fear that if you reveal that you are not improving, they will reject you. Just tell your therapist and if they are worth their salt they will help you to process why you did it. Listen, I get paid for the hour no matter what the outcome. I might scold you gently and reinforce that my office is the one place you can and should be honest but I am literally never judging you. Therapists are deeply flawed too. Just yesterday I ate all but two cheese it’s and then put the empty box back in the cupboard like the little criminal I am. Also, many of us have been through the same stuff our clients have and do this because we want to give back.
Tell the truth in that this is what you HOPED was true, but you realize that you are making your way as all of us are, and that usually means one step forward, two steps back or vice versa.
A good therapist will understand and welcome your vulnerability. If they don’t lean in and see this as an opportunity, or become defensive. Move on.
Just tell her, and identify the reason(s) if you can. Most therapists will sound like they believe you and give you strategies and tools. In this context, truth is less important than you think.
Just tell them. Lots of people do some version of this, in therapy and out. People say they like a job more than they do, or they like their mom’s cooking more than they do. Too many people tell their therapist everything is all good, then ghost them, then go look for another therapist saying their last therapist didn’t really help.
This is like pulling off a not very sticky band aid. It will hurt a whole lot less than you think. It’ll open up conversation about what drove you to do it in the first place, you will feel relieved, and the real work can continue.
Just say it exactly the way you said it here. You can even print this out and just hand it to her if that’s easier.Â
I like to think I can feel untruth in my body when my client isn’t being forthright. Sometimes they’re not being honest with themselves and sometimes they’re not being honest with me. I’m a coach, not a therapist, and it’s completely within bounds for me to reflect back what I’m feeling. I do challenge my clients when I feel something is off. And I would really respect a client who came clean about fabrication or exaggeration after the fact. It’s important information. Your therapist may already know, but if not, will be glad to know.Â
Tell her and the two of you can work through and discover the “why”. Understanding the “why” is one of the steps towards making the changes that you want to make.
Come clean and tell her. It’ll be seconds of feeling awkward in exchange of getting better care and not holding the weight of this lie. (I had an ex that would say you just have to get that monkey off your back”).
It will be totally worth it. She may want to explore why you lied because I can see the importance of understanding that. But even then it’ll be fine and you’ll feel better.
When I have a hard time saying something I force myself to start the sentence. It always seems way worse to stop mid way and once I start the nerves are gone.
Just read her this post withot the title question. That’s good enough for a confession.
It doesn’t sound like a pathological lie, you wanted to be liked, that’s all.
A lot of people lie to make their reality more attractive to others, whole instagram is based on that.
You’re working against your own recovery if you aren’t honest in therapy. It’s like trying to pump air in your tire while shoving a knife into it.
So just be honest. “Doc, I’m not really feeling as great as I come off”.
You also need to stop worrying about what the therapist thinks of you. Doctors train for years to do surgery, and they rely on knowledge handed down over centuries. Therapists and psychologist are the same, they study for years about human behavior, how to address character flaws, and how to treat them. They rely on decades of wisdom that has been amassed. They’ve seen it all. They do this job because they want to help.
They know what they’re doing, so you’re only hindering things if you’re not totally honest.
We all lie to our therapists, just like we lie to ourselves. “I thought I was doing better than I really was.” “I was masking my actual pain.” “I’m not doing as well as I said I was.” “I have always had a hard time admitting when I’m not doing well.” “I feel like I was lying when I said I was fine.”
You’re just admitting you’re human. It’s ok to be human.
You are never telling fibs in therapy. You might think you lied when actually you were telling her what you said for reasons that are still truthful for you. Just let her know what you think happened and I’m sure more will be made known for the both of you to understand.
Be honest. They can’t help you otherwise.
It is quite common in therapy, especially if it is a new experience to you. I have done this myself. Just talk to your therapist. She or he won’t be mad or sad that you have been faking progress. It is part of the job. Patients will put on a mask, and it can take time and trust for the client to feel safe to remove it, and give the therapist more access to deeper thoughts and feelings.Â
“I lied to sound more healed than I am. Sorry.”
Go ahead and tell her. Damn, she’s a psychologist, she understands everything perfectly well and I think in her many years of practice she’s met situations much worse.A therapist is generally the last person who will judge you. And if he/she does, then I’ll say this dude is a mediocre therapist.I understand that you’re scared to admit it, but just know that continuing to lie to a therapist is literally lying doctor. The doctor hasn’t really lost anything from this, but you have. So gather your courage and tell her/him about it. You’ll see, you’ll feel much better later.
Therapists deal with that kind of thing all the time, and it’s better to just come right out and be truthful about it. The value of a therapist is that they are focused solely on your well-being. They probably know already anyway, because plenty of people in therapy have problems being truthful with themselves about their mental state.
Just tell them you really wanted to get better but think you’ve been forcing it and you don’t think you’ve really made as much progress as you’ve been portraying.
You just tell them. If they judge you for it rather than helping you navigate your issues, get a new therapist.
Wishful thinking and rejection avoidance can make one lie to appease the expectations of others, even if those expectations aren’t accurste or even real.
At this point you might as well quit since it clearly didn’t work
I know it’s been a while, but I wanted to throw in my two cents- Recently, my therapist told me that despite hesitating to use the word, she was proud of me. She said she hesitates because it can make me think how my progress directly impacts her and can lead me to feeling guilty if I feel like I’m not making her “proud.”
She is ultimately saying that what we do has no bearing on her life, that can sound cruel or like she doesn’t care, but quite the opposite! It’s freeing to realize she’s always rooting for me, she has my best interest at heart, and she knows I’m human and will occasionally have rough times again but that my own life doesn’t impact hers in a negative way!
Just be honest, they will understand. I could also almost guarantee you wouldn’t be the first.