Hi, I’m really looking for some concrete advise on how I can hope to continue with my academic studies. I’m currently taking a year out after experience a lot of mental stress during my MA studies.
For context, I have always been considered a bright student, top grades in every subject at school, then a top degree from the best university in the UK. I had a few years out of university before returning to study for a humanities MA degree. I feel absolutely lost – all concepts are confused and clouded in my head. I no longer am able to understand what it even means to analyse something and I can’t get my head around how new work or knowledge is produced? Like, on a very literal level, how does an academic produce new work? Is it about applying existing critical theory to a new subject?
I handed in an essay and received a strong grade and feedback, but the essay I submitted felt totally confused, foggy and was completely lost in itself.
It sounds ridiculous, but I think I’ve completely lost my understanding of the world, and I’m really struggling to get it back. If anyone has any advice about how to get back to square 1, and how to being reapproaching academia I’d really appreciate it.
Comments
I am in STEM, not the humanities, but like you, I returned to academia after more than a few years away from it. Academic work, and the critical thinking that goes into it, is a skill set, and absolutely nothing like “riding a bike”.
We grow up in school and these academic skill sets are taught to us implicitly… we don’t even know we have them during our college years. But when you take a break from academia, you lose that skill set, and then have to learn it all over again.
It sounds to me like you’ve still “got it” — your recent essay and positive feedback is evidence of that. Maybe you’re just not used to using it, so it looks and feels unfamiliar. I spent my first year back in graduate school rebuilding that skill set before I began to feel very confident in my work again.
I wouldn’t hesitate to take your essay back to the instructor and express what you’re feeling. Point out which parts feel confusing or disorganized to you and ask for specific feedback about it. Maybe there are disorganized parts that the teacher just didn’t feel detracted from the overall work. Maybe it’s just all in your head and the essay was great. Either way, I would think using that essay as a discrete example of your re-adjustment back into this world would help facilitate a conversation and hopefully get you started towards rebuilding your confidence and academic skills.
Of course — if you think this teacher is the kind of person who would go “oh yeah, you’re right … this definitely didn’t deserve an A, let me fix that for you…” then maybe take it to your advisor instead :).
Good luck! You’ll get it back… just persevere through the frustration of watching students who are younger than you “get it” faster. They’re not better than you, they just haven’t “lost it” yet.