I literally am too afraid to post anything on deadbedrooms. And the reason is fear of downvotes. And fear of being blamed for my deadbedroom situation simply because I am male. Here’s the situation, married 25 years. 2 kids (2006,2011). So I have a data set of 25 years. The only times my wife showed interest in romance, affection, touch, date night, romantic gestures, sex was in the immediate run up to planning a pregnancy. No we haven’t been to marriage counselling because she refuses to go. And the reason “I allowed all this to happen” was that I was inexperienced with women/relationships and I didn’t see any of the red flags(of which there were many).
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Plenty of people have experienced this situation. It’s a pretty common trope.
What are you looking for from this post – just confirmation you’re not the only person who doesn’t have sex with their wife or something else ?
You’ve got to talk to her. Nobody can read minds. You need to tell her how you’re feeling. I get that but can be difficult and awkward and frustrating. But it’s not just going it suddenly get better without each of you sharing what you’re experiencing.
I wouldnt even stayed with someone where the sexual affection wasnt even there from the beginning. Already having kids makes it hard but you’re young enough to still find someone that is perfect for you and that cant keep her hands to herself when seeing you.
Try talking to her one more time and make sure she understands the consequences of having no sex life, that it hurts you. Give it a month because change doesnt happen overnight but if there aint any improvement I would advise you to leave her, I would.
Is she from any type of conservative religious background? If she only focused on procreation with you – maybe that could fit? Perhaps she’s asexual or aromantic. You def gotta talk to her bud, 25 years is a long time go without action if you want it.
Your partner should want to fix it too. They are the other half of the equation. If she’s not showing interest in fixing it there isn’t much you can do. Talk to a therapist yourself and then see if you can engage her or at the very least for her to go to therapy on her own.
Tell her she can either put out or you’ll find it elsewhere. Fuckin 25 years of no sex and people wonder why their partners cheat.
You can either be okay with getting “blamed” by outsiders for leaving or stay in a relationship that you’re not happy in. You’ll be unhappy with the result either way so choose the one that makes you the least unhappy.
This won’t help, but I’m in the same boat, 20 years in, 2 kids, nothing for 16 years. And I mean, nothing!
You’re not alone.