I’m irrational and have an attitude for feeling bad over comments of disapproval?

I’m 17FTM and live with my mom and grandma. I get into squabbles with them sometimes over things that they say about me. I’m kinda torn between whether they’re right and I’m just being dramatic or if this is actually a real issue and I’m just being gaslit.

For example, both of them have the tendency to make little comments of disapproval whenever I wanna do something they don’t like with my appearance. I cut my hair short recently because I it’s easier to maintain, and when I mentioned I was thinking about it, after I did it, and recently in casual conversation, my grandmother has said that she “feels sorry that my hair is short” and that longer hair is prettier (implying shorter hair isn’t) and would suit me better.

I don’t really care about her not liking short hair on me, it’s the fact that she has to comment on it in front of me or in general… multiple times. The last time she said this was a few hours ago, and I told her I knew this was going to sound rude but that I really didn’t care because I respected her right to have an opinion, but not to constantly keep mentioning it when I was actually pretty happy with how I looked.

My mom who was in the room said that this was why she says puberty is messing with me hard, and that I’m going to see how ridiculous my reaction was when I’m older because “it was just one comment”… but it really wasn’t? I don’t have mood swings at all and I never have, I’m not quick to anger, I wouldn’t have even been upset if I hadn’t said the comments make me feel bad before. It’s not even just about my hair, it’s an ongoing theme with everything.

When I was regularly working out, my mom would make subtle jabs at me “being so delicate and soft” but “wanting to be big and rugged” (???) and laughed once when I said I was measuring things trying to see how much protein I had eaten in a day. When I was 15 and about to start highschool, my mom outright told me she was worried I was going to get bullied because “I don’t dress or act like a normal girl”. I’ve never had any issues making friends in/outside of school and I’m going to be a junior this year.

My grandma likes to subtly compare me to girls my age and point out the things they wear, show me clothes that she likes and try to get me to buy them (and get upset if I don’t want to), things like that. In middle school, they even bought me an outfit I’d told them I didn’t like multiple times for prom with the intent of forcing me to wear it, and they even told me this. I had to go shopping with other relatives to get the things I actually wanted to wear, and when they found out, they still hinted at me going to prom in what they got me. (I didn’t, thankfully).

Both of them act like I’m a moody teenager, like I’m being rude on purpose, but I’ve been told so many times by different friends that they like hanging out with me because I’m understanding/open/chill and never get mad. Even when I’m not being aggressive or raising my voice, they call me disrespectful or say I’m overreacting or sensitive (“can’t take a joke”) whenever I try to say something makes me uncomfortable or feels disrespectful towards me.

I just really don’t know what to think.