Tinder guy (33m) brought the police on me (26f)
He cut me off with excuses. I insulted him and kept texting through multiple numbers.
I went to his home today and waited, just to talk. He called the police on me and reported me. I was hitting my head on the wall and had a full blown panic attack.
I said I just wanted an explanation. I overheard him say to the police that he just wanted to cut me off discretely. So I now know it was all indeed an excuse.
He said please don’t do this to yourself, just go back home. I would be arrested.
I am not okay. And am clueless about what to do. I have absolutely no idea what to do, have no access to any help.
TL;DR : Tinder guy started fading with excuses, I went to his home to talk and get an explanation and he called the police on me and reported me. I am not feeling well at fucking ALL.
Comments
you’re kind of insane, aren’t you?
you have no reason to demand time and attention from someone.
If someone decides to cut you out of their life, thats for you to accept and move on.
Well, I suppose your next step is to get some therapy to work on your insane behavior.
Edit: I peeked at your post history. Please check yourself into a mental healthcare facility as quickly as possible.
If this is real you’re insane.
Unfortunately, sometimes people leave and don’t say why or (worse) lie to you and everyone else. Learn to accept that you won’t always get closure the way you want it. Be ok with yourself without requiring answers from someone who obviously doesn’t care about you!
You are a stalking weirdo and you need psychiatric help.
Edit: Sorry about being harsh earlier. You definitely need to seek professional help.
I’m not going to be as unkind of the rest of the people here have been, but this sounds like behaviour compatible with a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. It may be worth seeking the help of a therapist to help you to regulate your emotions and attachments.
You can find more info on the condition, see if any of the symptoms match up to your patterns, and seek help and coping mechnisms here:
https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/list-of-recommended-bpd-resources/
Good luck, OP. Sending best wishes.
Delete his number, get therapy, don’t use tinder for a while.
I know it can be painful when someone you like/care about reduces contact. As hard as it is to accept, this often means that they no longer want to be actively involved in your life—and that can hurt deeply.
Regardless of their reasons, when someone repeatedly makes excuses or cuts you off, it’s important to see that as a boundary they are setting. In turn, it’s crucial to honour your own self-respect by recognising when it’s time to step back and protect your peace.
Reaching out through multiple numbers and showing up at their home uninvited, even if you feel you deserve more clarity or closure, crosses a boundary. While the feelings behind those actions are valid, the actions themselves can be damaging— to you and to the other person.
It’s okay to grieve the loss or confusion, but it’s also important to let go when a situation becomes emotionally harmful. Continuing to push it can lead to consequences, as you’ve experienced.
I say this without judgment: if you’re finding it hard to manage the emotions involved or if your reactions feel overwhelming, it might be time to seek counselling.
dude’s kinder than I would’ve been, can you imagine this same scenario if a guy did this to you?
get therapy, you’re lucky you aren’t in jail.
Learn to take a hint. I would say that 26 is old enough to know better, but I (37f) was a little bit of a late bloomer myself and learned the hard way at an age when most people would have seen the signs of someone not being interested. I was not allowed to date until I moved out in my early 20s.
First off, and I mean this in the nicest way, but he doesn’t owe you an explanation. He doesn’t owe you anything. Once you realize this in dating, the better off you’ll be.
Second, there are PLENTY of fish in the sea. Just move on to the next one. Guys are a dime a dozen.
Third, not necessarily my place to say, I’ve had troubles with boundaries in the past and it seems you do too. I’ve been in therapy for a while now and continue working on boundaries everyday. Ask yourself why you felt you needed an explanation instead of just accepting the circumstance. Therapy might be something you should look into.
As I mentioned, I struggled with boundaries and how I let people treat me. I struggled with always needing to win and get the last word after being hurt or wronged. I would be filled with plots of revenge. You can’t really affect someone that doesn’t care about you and you end up causing more trouble for yourself than it’s worth.
Making these changes within yourself are hard and take time, but be patient. I’m currently in a 7-year healthy relationship because I took these steps.
I hope this is helpful and wish you nothing but the best ☺️
Looking at your post history you seem to be in a really really bad spot right now. If you have any option to go into therapy, please do so. That will be the best way for you to work through this.
I saw that were diagnosed with BPD before. This is not easy to fix, but it can be done over time with the right help. If you are interested, you can check out the psychology in seattle podcast. It is run by a therapist who also treats a lot of people with BPD, perhaps you can find some recognition in it and some tools to work on yourself.