My father wasn’t in my (21f) life growing up. He left mom and me when I was 2 and refused to pay child support. He quit his job when he was tracked down for support and he spent time in jail rather than pay. Eventually mom stopped fighting because it was going nowhere. She felt like it was wasting resources chasing after him when it was obvious he was going to avoid it however he could.
A couple of years ago he moved about an hour away and I saw him for the first time since a court appearance when I was 8. We didn’t speak either of those times but it surprised me that he came back. I found out he was married and had more kids from my paternal aunt. He’d reached out to her and wanted to reconnect and she told him where to go. She was always pretty disgusted he walked away like he did and refused to support me financially.
In December my aunt told me he went to her house and left something for me there. I asked her what it was and she had no idea but she said it was in an envelope. I opened it and it was a check. And it was a big one too. I tried giving it to my mom but she told me to keep it and he owed me. That he abandoned me. And it was the least I deserved. I tried telling her she deserved it more but she wouldn’t even entertain the idea. So after confirming it was legit I lodged it into my account.
Then his wife came looking for the money by going to my aunt’s house for me. My aunt made her leave and I wasn’t even there but she showed up a few days later when I was there and she demanded the money. She said it was money that was meant to go on her kids. That he had no right to drain their accounts for me. I told her it wasn’t my problem and my aunt threatened to call the cops.
She showed up at my aunts house again a few days after and my aunt followed through and called the cops. But apparently this woman left the message that I was selfish and entitled and I stole it from her kids.
AITA?
Comments
You stole nothing.
Her kids have beeeen supported by that deadbeat all their lives as she DGAF whether you were dead or alive or if you had food to eat or clothes to wear.
That’s all the back child support that deadbeat owes you like your mom said.
You are entitled to that money and did not steal anything from anyone.
Keep calling the cops every time she shows up.
She chose to marry and have kids with a deadbeat who ghosted his own child for 19 years.
Karma has finally found her address.
NTAH
NTA. I have no idea nor do you what the dynamic is between him and his wife.
I have no idea nor do you how much money is really going to her and the kids.
Take him at his word the money was earmarked for you and mom, so it’s your money that’s it.
No idea if she’s just trying to rip you and your mom off.
Move along nothing to see here. Unless you want to reach out to him and ask him directly, which actually would be the thing to do. is he really trying to make amends? Is he on the outs with his current family and just trying to get back in touch and in your good graces?
But that’s your choice if you wanna find out or just enjoy the money.
NTA. Not your monkey, not your circus. Your absent dad is definitely TA for you, and it seems like he’s being TA to his current family as well. But you are no less entitled to that money than they are, and his current wife isn’t entitled to harass you or his sister over an issue she has with him. You aunt was right to involve the police, and she should do it again if it happens again. Take your mom out for a nice dinner, and then use the money in whatever way is best for you.
Don’t respond to this woman at all. If she continues to pester you about it, get a restraining order. You owe her nothing.
NTA – If she had a legitimate claim to the money she could make it through the courts. She’s harassing you because she probably doesn’t. Save the money for your future, he gave it to you so it belongs to you.
I don’t know the situation , did you mom cheat and that’s why he left , at the time did he think you weren’t his child ? It they were married and he empties their account then technically 1/2 thr money is hers . If this post is real go see a lawyer as you don’t want to spend it and be forced to pay it orn1/2 back
NTA
This is the child support he owes you. He was a deadbeat that didn’t pay child support. This money was the child support he missed.
She can take it up with her husband. You did nothing wrong
Also, don’t you dare give that money back. You deserve that money
Definitely NTA.
Document the harrassment. Get the police reports to show the times that the police have been called on her.
If you are approached anywhere, record and call the police.
Accepting the money is not wrong. It’s owed to you for all of the years that you and your mom were financially neglected by your sperm donor.
Don’t be guilted or bullied by anyone into thinking that you are taking something from the other kids. That’s not your problem or responsibility.
Girl, take the money and run‼️🏃♀️
Updateme
Nta. You didnt steal anything. It was a gift.
NTA it is what it is
If she has a problem with it, tell her to go track down the deadbeat that gave it to you, but if she doesn’t stop harassing you and your family members, you’ll file a restraining order against her. She’s nothing to you and you owe her nothing, certainly not your peace of mind or the money he chose to give you. Make sure your bank account is secured and password protected as well as your credit history. There’s no telling what crazy people will try when it comes to money. It’s yours, freely given, and she can pound sand if she doesn’t like it. NTA. Stay strong.
NTA> Do NOT give that woman a single cent. You deserve that money because he was supposed to pay child support all those years. Take care of your mom when she needs it with the money. It’s the respectful thing to do.
If its half hers and she can prove it then you’re going to be named if she goes legal route.
Shes going to claim you’re the stash spot to avoid him paying her.
Get a lawyer yesterday.
You want this to go away pay her back half of it and she has no legal recourse (dont do this without the next steps!!)
Tuck it in an account and dont spend it, actually talk to dad through lawyers (or at least present) if it was a joint account dont be on the hook, you may have to give back half. if it was solely his account and they’re not getting divorced then you’re free n clear.
Ask if he’s dying or mentally diagnosed too, those 2 things can have standing depending on location.
NTA. Wow your mum is a real one and absolutely correct that you deserve it. Your dead-beat got momentarily shamed into making a minimal gesture to account for the neglect he’s put you through for years and his wife can’t see beyond her own selfish interests, as is so often the case. Block them and he can deal with the fallout.
Do not give her the money. Hang on to it.
Question… Is your dad living? If so, his wife needs to take it up with him.
UpdateMe
NTA, he is finally paying the child support he owes. If it was her money and not his money, she would have reported it to the police as stolen.
She is unhappy because she wants the money kept within their family for their use and not for your dad to pay the child support that he should have paid.
Your deadbeat father has been and is supporting his other kids. Do not respond to her messages, call the police when she turns up uninvited. Keep a record of all her messages and harassment, you might end up having to take a restraining order against her
NTA
Your dad owed you for all those years of child support. This money is back pay. You didn’t take anything from her kids. You were your dad’s first born and are entitled to receive overdue child support.
Don’t listen to her, she’s just greedy and wants all of the money. She can’t have it as it’s yours.
NTA…
Your father owed back child support.
Too sad.
None of this is your problem.
She can take him to court to get it back.
NAH, but if you keep it, ESH
I understand that he owes you, and you are owed big time, but if he really drained the accounts, you should give some back. It’s not morally right to keep it all if it’s everything they had. It may not be legally right either. It probably isn’t. Yes, he was 100% wrong. But if he gave you everything, that is also 100% wrong. There’s a family he also created that needs support as well as you. In fact, if he gave you everything they had, she could possibly go to court and win some back. You can’t just leave your family high and dry to right an old wrong. Two wrongs don’t make a right. If it were me, I would ask her for proof that he drained the accounts, and if she can prove that, then give SOME back.
NTA, the wife has a husband problem and needs to address that, not you. Congratulations on getting something owed to you. You deserve so much more.
NTA. He gave it to you. It’s yours. Not hers. She’s having a tantrum because she isn’t what she wants. Like a parent with a tantruming toddler, stand your ground. .
NTA
You owe these people nothing..
The fact they are claiming you ” stole ” that money is wild.
Also, how do you know what she’s saying is even true ? Maybe she just wants the money for herself.
If she contacts you or your aunt again you should call the police and file a restraining order.
You ARE one of his kids. That he DIDNT pay for. So you are just as entitled to money
Don’t give her a cent and if she contacts us you again consider a restraining order
Can’t wait to find out what he leaves you, vs her – in his will
Yeah, no. Not your circus, not your monkeys, but definitely *is* your money, since he gave it to you. Don’t entertain her.
NTA. Your mom was owed a fortune, she said for you to keep it.
NTA She needs to do some self reflection. Her kids had a dad to raise them and contribute to them financially. Why she chose to have kids with someone who could abandon his own child is beyond me? You didn’t steal anything.
NTA. This is for her to sort out in divorce court. If he decided to hide money from her by finally paying back child support, that’s not your problem. You didn’t steal anything.
NTA for the simple fact that you have absolutely NO idea what the story is behind that money. If she had a legitimate legal claim, she could seek out an attorney and prove it in court. On that note, it might be a good idea to consult with an attorney, just to protect yourself.
NTA.
If she has been the main breadwinner in her family for the entire time that she has been with your father then she might have reason to object.
If your father has been the main breadwinner then his wife and other children have had his financial support for the entire time that they have been a family.
If she can’t prove that it’s HER earnings that your father gave to you then she has no argument. So ignore her.
Wish my dad would do that for me
Lol.. leave a message for her in case she returns. “Be grateful i’m not sueing him for back child support. I am sure you’d be losing the rest of the money you have.”
my guess is that it is part (or all?) of the back childsupport he owes you.
NTA!
Your mom is right he owed you that if his wife has a problem she can take it up with him.
Nta. I’d want to tell her “oh so you DO care about him supporting his kids….just only the ones YOU birthed?”
Did OPs dad and current wife get a divorce? So she is claiming that money as hers when it is actually OPs . Just wondering.Make sure you lock your credit and any bank accounts (credit cards) that you have.
Update us in the future.
NTA
Cash the amount. He didn’t support u but did his next set of kids. So it is owed to u.
If it is all his money, she has absolutely no legal or moral rights.
do get a good lawyer to be on the safe side, but if possible maybe not reveal the amount