my MIL & another family member are traveling all across the world to come visit our country and will be staying with us for 8 days before they travel onwards. My MIL is nice enough but difficult. Never met the other family member. my husband has an 11 year old son that will also be with us during this time so he can see his grandma. I was not consulted and my husband told them they can stay in our 1000sf house (with only two bedrooms & one bathroom) while they’re here. I told me husband today that they need to find other lodgings as I can not be expected to entertain, cook, clean, etc them for whole week. I also REALLY need private quiet space. He was pretty upset and thinks I am an asshole for insisting they stay elsewhere (sorry editing to add: and also costing them $$$$ when they were under the impression they could stay for free here). Am I an asshole?
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my MIL & another family member are traveling all across the world to come visit our country and will be staying with us for 8 days before they travel onwards. My MIL is nice enough but difficult. Never met the other family member. my husband has an 11 year old son that will also be with us during this time so he can see his grandma. I was not consulted and my husband told them they can stay in our 1000sf house (with only two bedrooms & one bathroom) while they’re here. I told me husband today that they need to find other lodgings as I can not be expected to entertain, cook, clean, etc them for whole week. I also REALLY need private quiet space. He was pretty upset and thinks I am an asshole for insisting they stay elsewhere. Am I an asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my husband his family was not allowed to stay with us and that would make me an asshole (according to him)
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You weren’t told about the visit- worse yet, you weren’t asked about your opinion before hand. Even roommates have better manners/the common sense to ask if it’s cool should someone else come crash for x amount of days. :/
INFO
> my husband has an 11 year old son that will also be with us during this time so he can see his grandma
OK, so this is clearly not your husband’s first adult relationship.
How long have you been married?
> my husband told them they can stay in our 1000sf house (with only two bedrooms & one bathroom) while they’re here
Was this property his prior to the marriage?
NTA you don’t have the extra space
You don’t have the space to host.
Before anyone comes to stay with us, whether it my wife or I who are asked, we get the particulars and discuss all that is going on during the time frame and ensuring that it will work. The person requesting is then called and told whether it will work or not. We have only had 1 issue in 37 years. That was when my brother in law invited himself to stay with us after splitting with his wife (he did not give us that little detail). He traveled half way across the country by bus to stay with us along, with 3 huge bags with all his worldly possessions, again telling us that he would be with us for 1 night. Next day, he finally admitted that he had nowhere to go. 6 months later, we moved him into a rooming house for our own sanity and we moved into a smaller house that did not have space for him, so that he could not move back in with us.
It’s a week. How often do they come to visit?
Controversial but ESH
He shouldn’t have agreed to let her stay without your knowledge. If they do stay he needs to then pickup the slack and help with them.
They suck I guess because it is a long time and you said she’s kind of difficult? Doesn’t really explain whyyy she’s difficult….
Instead of trying to find a compromise you shut it down completely. Your worries are valid. However telling them they have to stay in a hotel instead of trying to find a valid compromise can be considered an AH move.
Esh. Your husband should have communicated but that is his mother you are refusing to have in your house and he has not seen her in years.
Your husband is the asshole for not talking to you about it before telling his mother yes
>I was not consulted
>I can not be expected to entertain, cook, clean, etc them for whole week. I also REALLY need private quiet space
they were under the impression they could stay for free here
The only asshole here is your husband.
You have a smaller living space, and now need to cram in 3 additional people? And on top of that, it seems like you’re the one who is expected to entertain and feed them? Does your husband appreciate how much work one dinner for 3 guests is, let alone a full 8 days worth of planning and expense?
It’s going to be cramped, hectic, and noisy. The stress and upset to you will make for a very unpleasant visit.
Your husband completely disregarded you as a person, you as his wife, and your need for a quieter living space.
And outside of all of that, he deprived his parents of being able to make a more informed decision on whether to make the long trip at all, given the added costs they will now have to incur.
NTA