My lifelong best friend is having a destination wedding in just under a year and I’m still undecided if I should go. I’m not sure where I’ll be financially in that time and I’m dealing with a lot on my plate money wise right now.
I just bought a house not long ago but need to invest more into it so that it’ll generate some passive income for future me. So it’ll be hard right now but once it’s done I’ll recover it in a short time and it’ll benefit me long term. I’m working on getting my old house rented but until that happens I’m paying 2 mortgages. Once rented it won’t really be a big money maker but it’ll cover the mortgage and maintenance costs while again being beneficial long term.
I’m cutting back on a lot of my spending and recently moved in with my long term bf who will help with expenses as well but spending thousands on an international trip I wouldn’t go on other than for this wedding is kinda tough for me to justify.
She’s doing some small local celebration in our city but I still feel guilty for not wanting to make the big wedding. She’s already legally married and did a religious ceremony and party with close friends and family. So the international wedding is basically just a party for fun at this point. Her and her husband both make 6 figures plus each and my bf and I don’t even make what one of them makes combined. I know that’s not her problem it’s just hard to talk to her about some stuff when her eating out spending for the month is almost the cost of my entire mortgage. I’m just not in her league financially.
Should I wait till it’s closer to the date to see if I can afford it? I got 2 zero interest credit cards I’ve already maxed out on house costs so I can’t really just say oh well I’ll put this on credit unless I wanna use my normal card and pay an insane interest rate which is again hard to justify. I feel like a shitty friend idk people can I get some advice? Anyone been through a similar situation and can share your wisdom?
Comments
2 maxed out cc. Don’t risk it.
Never go into debt (even at zero interest bc it’s not zero for ever) to attend a wedding. Including your own!
I would tell your friend sooner than later though!
You’re not a bad friend but you can’t afford the trip. I would tell her asap.
She should understand.
If this is a life long bestie she should understand.
Just explain that all your money is tied up in the house and can’t wait to go out for a meal/drinks when she gets back for a catchup.
If it’s really your best friend, I think you should just explain that you don’t want to go into debt for this trip. They might offer to cover some of your costs. Personally, I would for my best friend to be there.
I don’t think you should feel bad at all if you can’t afford it. Like you say, she’s already married and this is just a party. If it wasn’t a wedding and you were invited to a trip you couldn’t afford, would you have the faintest hint of guilt about saying no? It should be the same here.
I personally wouldn’t spend thousands on a trip like this unless I was planning to take a vacation like that anyway. I’d be very unlikely to go to any destination wedding that was too far to drive to.
I love travel, so take it with a grain of salt. I also live in an expensive city where I will never ever have one mortgage, let alone two.
So next week I’m traveling to another continent for a friend’s wedding who’s a very good friend, but not a bestie. My husband and I are basically taking it as our normal summer vacation, doing a week in a couple of cities.
When I got married, I had people fly in from literally four different continents, since we’ve all lived all over the place. I would do the same for my besties. I would prioritize that trip over other things.
So, I don’t think it’s weird. But if you can’t afford it, and it’s not in your budget, just tell them.
I wish this was a full blown wedding. Then I’d say life is short, go, the finances will catch up, you can make more money, but you can’t get that memory back. But because she’s already married and this is basically a party, probably look after the finances first.
I would spend as much as I could, while keeping my finances and future in mind. Looking at my personal situation, I would pass on an event like this. Keep in mind that you are best friends and you will be there for other important moments in her future life! Addressing this head on with honestly and love is the best policy.
Let them know. Maybe they will offer to pay or you just sit it out. Should not be a big deal either way.
If you and your partner don’t make what one of them makes combined, I’d be upfront with her that you’re just not financially in the same position. But with money like that I’d be curious if she offers to cover your travel expenses getting out there — if that was the case would you go? I’d be prepared to have an answer for that one way or another.
I think you should be honest and tell her you can not spend X amount on this international destination wedding.
If she is your best friend, she will understand. It is that simple.
People have insane expectations for their friends and what they will spend and sacrifice for a wedding these days. I never expected that of my friends nor they of me.
She’s legally married?
I’m not spending thousands for someone’s nonbinding celebration.
Sure, if I had extra money to go I probably would go.
If I was in your financial position I would not hesitate to say no… to a 3rd wedding celebration of the same couple.
It’s ok to put limits.
I would not go to an expensive destination wedding for anyone unless that was a location on the top of my travel list in which case I would try to build an extended vacation around it.
I would stay within a budget that was affordable for me. I got married in Ireland and my best friend couldn’t make it. It was okay. She and I are still best friends.
I think the amount is the same as what you would spend on a vacation for yourself right now. It’s your BF and it’s probably in a tourist destination, so you can expect to enjoy it. I would assume that this is the/one of (depending on finances) the vacation(s) you are taking this year. If it exceeds your annual vacation budget, you should just explain you can’t do it.
She’s really milking this wedding thing.
What exactly is the cost?
How much would I spend? The amount I could afford without sacrifice.
One night’s hotel is about it. I wouldn’t attend anyone’s destination wedding.