Do you feel this as betrayal?
I feel like, what’s the meaning of all your love and those promises of loyalty if, in the end, you forget them completely and marry someone else just for your own peace after they’re gone?
For me, she is the only one, I will live in her memories forever.
Comments
Sure, we’ve discussed this and both of us would want the other to remarry if they met someone they fell in love with.
If you love someone, why would you want them to spend 30/40 years lonely just because you died young?
Yes and no, I’d also want my SO to be happy instead of being partner-less forever
Not a betrayal.
But for me no. I can go on without a new partner. I already have so many wonderful memories with my wife and couldn’t find a need to start over.
How can you betray someone that no longer exists?
Probably not. Not because “no one can replace her” or whatever, but because I doubt I would want to be married. 🙂
Not enough time… I’ll be 15 mins behind her.
No, I would pull a Golden Girls and live out my final years with my friends.
The vow is “till death do you part”
I have no idea if I’d remarry but if she did I wouldn’t feel betrayed
I hope she’d be happy and if that’s how she’d be happiest, that’s what I want
I don’t think it’s a betrayal but I don’t think I would marry anyone else, because nobody could ever live up to my wife in my eyes.
No, I’m not interested in doing this again, I’m gonna hoe it up Blanche Devereaux style 😎
Not a betrayal but also am not sure if I’d remarry. I could imagine enjoying being alone.
Yeah probably, if I met the right person. Also kinda depends. If she passed when I was 70, prob not. But if I was 40 then yeah.
Well lots of people do so it’s definitely a thing.
I might remarry but the love won’t be the same. And I’d probably explain that up front.
My wife wants me to move on, but I don’t think I could love again. Probably keep a couple sluts around for basic needs but that’s it
I’d be glad to do so if the right opportunity presented itself. OTOH, I’m in my 50s, married for 25+ years (hopefully many more), so, realistically, the chances of finding another good woman who’d be attracted to me would be slim
I also see no need to get married again, and would live happily alone
Hmm. That depends. If an afterlife exists, and they are literally waiting for you like in Christianity; then, yes, it would be a betrayal.
If it doesn’t, no harm, no foul.
No. Not for sentimental reasons though.
I probably wouldn’t. But I hope it doesn’t happen when we’re young enough that meeting somebody new would even be an option.
Nope, I’m a firm believer in having one and only one spouse. Also, at my age I have no desire to date or marry again. Or deal with the dating scene, it was hard enough before the internet. I already have a full life with a lot of friends.
No. Once is enough
Not a betrayal, but I think if you don’t have a discussion with your SO and clear the air in case they did die. That way you won’t feel guilty if you ever did remarry. Personally, I don’t think I ever could remarry, my husband is literally the love of my life. I couldn’t picture a world without him.
No, I’d get more animals and do my own thing
Probably not
Only because this is my second marriage and I think that’s enough.
I became a widow at 37. I don’t think I’ll ever remarry, but it’s not because it’d feel like betrayal.
I’ve tried dating since he passed, even had a long term relationship with someone but it’s just not the same. It’s tough because the people I’ve dated have struggled with the fact and have had issues that I still love my late husband. I tell them love is expansive and people can love more than one person, but they end up saying that they’re unable to compete with a dead person. And I’m like, if it’s a competition, you’re already winning because you’re still alive 😅
I had something so entirely special with my late husband. And so far, I’m happier single.
I hope my wife would find someone to spend the rest of her life with after I die
I can’t imagine ever being with anyone else, but, we only have one life, better to live it than worrying about the feelings of someone who has passed
No. I don’t think I could ever find someone who could live up to my husband. I don’t see myself ever loving someone like I love him.
Depends on when. If they die early from a freak accident then probably. If it’s during old age I’d rather just live my life out
i wouldn’t, there is no way anyone could ever live up to my husband
I don’t see it as a betrayal. Vows are usually “until death do us part”.
I honestly don’t think i could. Nor want to.
If I’d find that someone, sure I would. And I would also wish that my wife would find someone to share her live with when leave earlier.
I would. I’ve come to rely so much on my wife that if she died before me, either I’d have to get remarried or I’d end up dying because I can’t take care of myself by myself anymore.
Maybe and no.
My neighbor remarried 2 months after her husband of 45 years died. 😳😳
I don’t think it is a betrayal, but grief is complicated and so are relationships. It’s a maybe for me.
Yeah, that is why I told him to not get a vasectomy lol (he’s 11 years younger than me)
Till death do us part…that said I am in my 50s now and if something happend to my wife I would have zero interest in starting over, and certainly no interest in marrying again.
Love my wife and marriage, but blending two lives and families together isn’t easy and not something I want to start again.
I don’t think it’s a betrayal unless you specifically agreed, while both of you were living, that you would not remarry.
Personally, I would not. I’ve thought about it and I feel like my SO is my person. I hate to be so cliche, I hate saying “my person,” but I don’t really have a better way to describe it.
If that were to happen, I wouldn’t go searching for someone new. I’d just go develop a different part of my life. I don’t want kids and neither does my SO, but I could imagine that in an event like that where I’m alone, I may want to at least be a foster parent. I wouldn’t have to worry about passing along my health conditions and I could still make some difference in a kid’s life without the lifelong commitment. Or, I’d just go travel the world or something. I don’t know, but I’d just focus on some other aspect of life.
Nice try honey I know it’s you
I’m not giving away all my freedom twice
No. I don’t need another babyman to raise.
I’m not against getting into another relationship as long as my kids are older but I don’t see myself getting married again.
I would have 0 interest in marrying anyone else ever. 0 interest in proceeding in any other relationship, to be honest…
Now, if I was gone and she wanted to remarry? Go for it. I want her to be happy.
As far as I’m concerned, I did it right the first time. I’m good.
No im good.
This is my person i don’t need another after him nor do i want one.
I’ll just explore life without romance and focus on community if he dies.
No
I will never marry anyone again.
I doubt it. My husband is like my other half, I think I would just constantly compare another person to him. It seems like it would just make me miss him more.
If I’m wrong and fell in love in a way where that wasn’t what it was like, then yes
I am in my 40s. The odds are not great.
No, I would not. It’s not because I think it would be a betrayal; but because if she goes, she takes that part of me with her. Verily, it wouldn’t be fair to the potential partners in the future because I wouldn’t even know how to love them.
I’ve been with my SO for a LONG time. It took me years to actually tell her that I loved her. The reason for that was because every person I’ve known — even family — has either betrayed or has been betrayed by their partner, resulting in some of them dying from suicide, alcohol/drug abuse, etc. I witnessed this as early as 5 years old and just witnessed a friend’s family fall apart due to more of the same.
As it stands, my SO is the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. She compliments who I am in nearly every way — like how a color becomes more vibrant when paired with its complimentary color — its color pops more than it ever could next to its compliment than it otherwise couldn’t on its own. She makes me want to be a better person.
I’m not religious, but there is a part of me that hopes for a place after death that we can join our loved ones again. If there isn’t, and we are born again, then I will spend that lifetime searching for her just so she could get me to love her once again.
I’m okay with it in theory. If I die youngish, I hope my husband remarries. I don’t think I, personally, would remarry.
I don’t think so – but it’s not because I would feel like I’m betraying him, it’s because I really think that I’m just not compatible with many people and so if my husband goes I just want to be happy on my own rather than spending 20 years trying to find someone else that I actually want to spend that much time with.
I’d probably just live with a sister or close friend that is a fellow widow or divorcée once the kids are out of the house.
No. We’ve been married 34 years. I don’t want another marriage. Just an honest answer.
I don’t think anyone could ever really fill his shoes. I feel like I would always compare the next guy to him and pick him apart. So due to that I don’t think it would be fair of me to even try. I’m one of those annoying women that’s married to their best friend. We are so close that for half of our relationship we’ve worked together. We actually met at work, we were co-supervisors. We fell for each other when I was training him. Years after that job we worked together again at another job.
Not until a while later…my husband and I…it’s looking grim. I’m in the denial/greiving stage (he’s not dying). But even so I feel wrong looking at others or even opening up to others for a possible friendship. I’m in a horrible state of mind and shame. Idk if I’d be able to move on to someone if a spouse had unexpectedly died under different circumstances
Ive always said I would only ever get married once. If my wife were to pass away and I was to date again I would tell the next woman up front that if the relationship develops and gets serious I am not going to be putting a ring on her finger. She can then make the choice if she’s cool with that or not
I think it’s mature to realize that while true love exists humans are not naturally monogamous creatures, so you can understand that even when your partner is alive that they can have crushes on people but what separates us from the animals is our ability to regulate our desires and emotions and not act on them, so on the other hand it’s ok to realize that if you’re gone the other will want companionship and might fall in love again and that doesn’t mean they love you any less.
Not a chance
Yes
My SO died almost 1 year ago. I miss him sooooo much,my body hurts some days. I don’t plan on moving on anytime soon,but I do hope to get married five years from now.
But if you truly love your partner you’d want them to find happiness again. Besides if they remarry it doesn’t mean they would completely forget you
Yes, I could really use a companion right now.
Yes. Love is the reason life is worth living. Maybe I’d wait years & maybe i wouldn’t, but don’t turn your back on love.
Just because someone chooses to marry or remarry after their SO dies doesn’t mean that they are forgotten completely- or at all. I suggest that if it was true love with the deceased and true love with the future, the future SO would most definitely have to understand. I would expect my future SO to be present and understanding with no hint of jealously as I mourn on important dates- like anniversary of death, original anniversary, etc
I’d consider remarrying if I found the right person, but I doubt I would. I wouldn’t look for that person to replace my SO, and thus would be unlikely to find him.
I also wouldn’t live in his memories forever. I would slowly, painfully, move on, always keeping a part of him with me, but also allowing and encouraging new parts to grow that are separate from him.
Sort of lol
My best friend of 20+ years and I plan to marry for the tax breaks and live out our golden years as heterosexual life mates if anything happens to our husbands.
No.
Idk if I’d want to. There’s literally zero benefit for men to marry
No
Most likely, no. I love my husband so much and truly can’t imagine finding someone I can be so much myself around as I am with him. Also, I know this may sound awful, but the idea of having to go through all the beginning of a relationship stuff and then learning how to coexist with someone in one space (moving in together) is just not something I’d want to do again. Too set in my ways. I would like to just be the cat lady that the neighborhood kids tell stories about.
Ask me in a week, I am working on it.
Probably. Life is long
Yes I would and I would hope he would also.
Maybe but probably not because the idea of dating again sounds exhausting. But I wouldn’t care if my husband did. He wouldn’t stop loving me because he loves someone else, love is infinite.
Yes, simply because I don’t want to be old and alone. If it’s awkward, I could marry someone whose spouse also died, and we could be awkward together.
My husband died at 32. I had several partners since (40 years). I still remember him as the love of my life but I like having a partner. “Love the one you’re with “
Life is full of cycles. Like everything else, sometimes people die or move on and the relationship ends one way or another. And the other person is left is have a winter and then a spring with new birth and growth. Sometimes this means a new relationship. It’s part of the cycle of life.
Why not? Two incomes are better than one.
How old are we when my husband theoretically dies?
If it were tomorrow, I’m only 25. We have 2 young children. I have so much life left and my kids would need a father figure… Same for my husband. At 27, be wouldn’t want to be alone forever and would want a motherly figure for our kids.
Now if our kids are grown and we are middle-aged or older (50+), probably not. Maybe I’d date around, but what would be the point? I’d already lived my life and raised my babies. Why marry someone other than possible tax benefits or whatever? Odds are my partner would also have assets and children and I don’t want to take away from that. My husband is the love of my life and at 50, I couldn’t start over with anyone. At that point, I’d just have fun and be happy.
Yes, I would absolutely remarry if I was able to find someone I cared about that deeply. And I will tell you now that, if I knew I was terminal, I would actually spend time trying to find someone for my husband. He’s a great guy and he’s had a long time to get used to be half of a pair, of having someone there to talk to that cares about him. I don’t want him to be lonely, I don’t want someone taking advantage of his kindness and loneliness. He deserves to be happy. If I can’t be there, I want someone there who appreciates just how wonderful he is and that he can care about and for. I don’t want him to spend decades lonely. He deserves happiness. I can’t be there, I’ll do my damndest to help him find someone before I go. He’s not social and it would be difficult for him. He’d find someone eventually but I’d rather have the lonely-and-grieving-alone stage as brief as possible.
I wouldn’t. One, being married is stressful in itself dealing with in laws and all that crap. Second, for me, marriage is one and done. So God forbid something happens to my husband, I wouldn’t remarry at all. Hell, I probably wouldn’t date for a few years after his passing
I absolutely would if I was able to get to that space with another person. Real love is wonderful. Those who are lucky to find it more than once deserve it. If i went first, I hope my husband finds someone to love like he’s never been hurt. Love is living. His happiness is important. We have such a finite time, live as happy as you can.
As a woman, I’d never get married again regardless
I don’t understand what’s so wrong for marrying for your own peace?
And how it’s so very different from not marrying and staying single for your own peace.
It sounds like OP thinks love and its memories are this finite object instead of something that grows and changes with you
I find your question both naive and offensive. When you say: “in the end, you forget them completely and marry someone else just for your own peace after they’re gone” is wrong in the extreme. I know three people who re-married after losing a spouse. NOT ONE OF THEM ever said “I’m going to forget the love of my life.” For the record, none of them thought they would recover from the loss. In meaningful ways, they didn’t recover- but they were able to rebuild their lives and be happy.
The people I know who remarried did not forget those they love. Perhaps in your book it would have been better for my best friend to spend the remaining (30 plus) years of his life as a lonely old man to prove something about the his dedication to the love of his life and the mother of his children, but I knew her also. She would have preferred he not be lonely and find a bit of happiness in this world.
So go be judgmental about something else.
There’s a reason for marriage vows being “till death do us part”. Remarrying after death isn’t betrayal.
Personally, I never planned to get married to begin with and am still low key surprised that the relationship happened because I’m on the ace-aro spectrum and had totally planned to be single, so I wouldn’t expect lightning to strike twice.
You are capable of so much love. Continuing to live and love after your SO passes isn’t a betrayal; it’s a demonstration of the love they filled your life with and evidence that you didn’t die with them.
Nope. If we didn’t get divorced, we’re still married. Even if you die.
We’ve both promised to be open to the idea of love when one of us dies. I definitely want him to find someone else because he needs love and a best friend to live with.
May her memory be eternal my friend
Nah, wouldn’t remarry. I might have a companion who I go on dates/holidays with and spend a lot of time with, but I have children and I feel like cohabiting with or remarrying might mess with their inheritance. I’m not having mine and my husband’s life’s work leeched away by some hobosexual.
Plus, for me, marriage is a one-and-done. I found the man I wanted to marry. Married him. Anything after that would be just passing time to avoid being lonely. Nothing wrong with just having a boyfriend.
Absolutely not. I have no interest in dating or meeting new people. Trying hard to get someone to like you only to be rejected in some soul crushing way.
F that
I probably would, but it would be a long time. And I have in doubt that the relationship would be different. I think everyone should have a first love, a true love, and if god-forbid the worst happens, a late-in-life love. It wouldn’t be the same, but that’s ok, it wouldn’t have to be. I would want some companionship either way.
Marry? No.
Date/Sex? Absolutely
There’s no such thing as the one. Life goes on. On a long enough time scale everything dies, including love. I don’t need to live in someone’s memories forever, just being loved by whoever I am with at the time is enough.
I’d be disappointed in my partner if they chose to never move on from me if I died.
It’s not betrayal but I wouldn’t because I don’t want to.
What’s the point? Because you married somebody to love. A partner. Not somebody to worship, idolize, build shrines to after death. There’s nothing wrong with loving somebody else after death of a loved one. You do you but years go by. If you’d rather be alone after all of that, that’s your prerogative. But to expect “loyalty” even after your death is not only selfish but egomaniacal.
I can’t fathom how you’d think of it as betrayal once someone is dead. And when you really love each other, you wish happiness and companionship for your spouse once you’re gone. My husband told me before he recently died that he hoped I’d feel that I could find someone else and remarry if I wanted to. I do want to be open to another partner, and expect that I will want romantic company after a while, but at this point can’t imagine ever wanting to remarry. I especially don’t want to marry a man my age or older (I’m an active mid-50’s) who will need intensive care or die before me again, after this last decade of caregiving and then losing my husband. It’s all too painful.
Probably not. I’d date, possibly find another life-mate or whatever. Marriage itself is overrated imo. By the time she passes (if she goes first) I’ll have by far passed the point of marriage meaning much.
I would, but I think I’ve become so eccentric over the 17 years we’ve been together that I’m not sure how many people would be interested in a long term relationship with me.
It would also be really exhausting to catch someone else up on all the TV, movies, and books that I like to reference.
If my future wife dies before me I’m gonna die the day after she goes if its by suicide or a broken heart i don’t care. Bury me in the same casket as her’s so I can keep her warm when we meet again.
Nearly checked out about a decade ok.
Had a word with my sister-in-law and made her promise to help my wife move on and find someone else.
No one should be lonely because of some misguided guilt about moving on.
Of course. I wouldn’t be dead.
If I met the right person, maybe.
My grandma waited 10 years before going out with someone after my grandpa passed, it was 2 years after his wife also safly passed away. Her and her boyfriend never got married but were together until her death.
I remember my aunt had a problem with it and I was talking to my grandma about it over some miller lite’s. She said “I am so lonely and I don’t see your aunt coming out here to spend everyday with me. I deserve to have someone I can share life with because I am not dead.”
Stuck with me because loneliness is a killer and sharing life with a partner is SO rewarding. My aunt eventually got over, though her boyfriend’s family never did. Grandma never got to go to his family functions and was always referred to as his “traveling companion”.
She is buried next to my grandpa, and her boyfriend will be buried next to his wife.
For sure a FWB situation.
if someone came along that I felt like I could be bonded too, sure, but I wouldn’t be out looking for anyone.
I’m older, and probably wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair because I’d compare everyone to my wife.
But if I died and my wife married again, I think that’s fine, not a betrayal.
I would, I don’t think it’s betrayal. Or I would not because I don’t necessarily need a spouse. But I think it’s fine to marry someone in this case.
No. Marriage is a lot of work and I don’t feel I would have the energy or desire to get to know someone that way again. I have a great marriage, and I don’t think I would ever find a greater love than this.
Never. That love belongs to one person, always. Even if decades pass, happiness and companionship do not need to revolve around romantic love. There are other ways to be fulfilled.
Love is expandable. Like if you have two children—you don’t love your first child less when your second child is born. Your second child does not replace the first, and your heart just expands to envelop them both.
After knowing several family members who have endured the death of a spouse, I think the same idea holds true. Their late spouse is forever enshrined in their hearts, and any new relationship can’t necessarily compare or compete—but it can be good in a different way. Walling yourself off to love and care forever after seems unhealthy, like you’re not fully processing the grief and loss.
Some people never find someone else they want to be with, and, instead, lean into relationships with friends and family, and that’s ok.
Ultimately, I think many partners would just want their spouse to be happy and at peace, and that’s going to look different for each person.
Nope. I’m not saying I wouldn’t date again after a while, but I don’t see myself ever getting married again.
If he dies before me, it’ll honestly be a miracle if I don’t kms to go be with him. Absolutely not will I marry ever again.
Yes, obviously. I don’t believe in ‘the one’ or ‘soulmates’. Plenty of perfectly nice people out there.
I really don’t think so.
I don’t think I would, not because of felling like it’s a betrayal, but I just don’t think I could ever move on from her, I’d probably just live my life waiting to die
I plan to.
Wait, did I say that out loud??
No. I would remain a widow because I would rather leave flowers on her grave and stay loyal than enter the dating scene again.
I would, and I would not think it was at all a betrayal. People have needs, and companionship is one of them. Romantic companionship especially. Even more so if you have come to be used to it after decades.
And it’s not that you forget them after they’re gone, you seek after the peace you felt with them, and finding someone else helps remind you of them. It also becomes likely, the older you are when this happens, that the other person is going through the same thing. I know that happened with my uncle after my aunt passed; he met the woman who would become his next wife at a support group for people who had lost their spouses.
If you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, even if it is without you when you pass. Otherwise it’s selfish.
Naw it depends If I love her that much
Yep.