I am 42…..there is this 48 year old woman in my department that flirts with me all the time and she asks me all sorts of personal questions (she has a fiance at home). She has asked me twice now , “what are you waiting on to have kids?” (I don’t want any but i didn’t want to be judged for saying that), I smiled and told her to mind her own business. At my last job, a woman who was my supervisor asked me why I wasn’t married or didn’t have any kids too. Why do people feel I owe them an explanation?
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Because there is a large societal bias that people should have kids.
If a woman is flirting with you at work and it doesn’t make you feel comfortable, you should take that head on and tell her to stop.
Otherwise, flirt back and be direct.
People who make offspring their purpose in life struggle to comprehend that someone else may have a different purpose in life.
Misery loves company
Hey there Don Juan. People don’t. Those women are just overtly coming on to you.
they want validation for their own choices in life
you represent the possibility that there could have been another way and they find that threatening
It’s such a weird expectation to have of somebody. I think people are used to the everyone grows up to be parents and married so it’s odd when someone isn’t. Although I think culture is shifting with Gen Z. Less ppl care to date or get married or have kids. People are nosy and as for the 48 year old. She’s 48 and not technically married yet so I feel like she’s partially insecure and so pointing you out low key makes her feel better. She might just be curious, but that is how I read it.
Lots of people assume that the social script they’ve been conditioned to follow applies to everyone, and they crash out a little when they meet someone who doesn’t follow that script (especially if they’re not entirely happy with their lives).
My go-to response is “I prefer to be an uncle than a father.” Beyond that is none of their business. We’re coworkers. You don’t know me like that.
Tell them you aren’t able to have any and make them feel bad about asking. That’s what I do, and in our case it is true, although we dont want children anyway so its not a big deal. People should think twice before sticking their nose in other peoples business
They are secretly jealous.
My family knows better than to bring that up. I don’t need a reminder of my loneliness. I still won’t let my car get blocked in at larger family gatherings if case this one aunt wants to go there. If she goes there, I go home.
It’s even worse for you at work. People need to zip it.
Because if you’re a successful person it’s weird not to have kids.
Misery loves company… somehow majority of parents aren’t happy until the rest of the world has experienced the fatigue and the lack of sleep of caring for a newborn, along with the financial struggles of budgeting around an extra family member, with the restricted freetime and commitment for at the very least of 18 years.
We envy the freedom you have
Idk – these questions don’t actually sound malicious. They might just be trying to chat bro. No need to be so judgemental
On the other foot, why do you feel so ashamed of telling someone you didn’t want kids? I’m 40M, and tell anyone that asks, I didn’t want them. Why does that have to be so taboo for you?
Back in the once upon a time, the village lived on a thin margin. Some years so many died that even all the women having babies was hardly enough to replace them. Some years there was so little food that too many mouths meant famine. So the village tried to make sure there was the right number of children and that the men were married to support them. So everyone was nosy and anyone who wasn’t with the program was told the excruciatingly boring tale of the village that didn’t do things right and died.
The village is still with us and that’s why people feel you owe them an explanation. Or not, nobody ever cared about my status.
I always just say that I’m still waiting for the right girl.
Considering how many of my peers shipwrecked their lives, I still think it would be better to die single than to marry the wrong one.
We didn’t have kids. We tried but it was not meant to be. We have had hard jobs and had to travel quite a but. Now retired we find ourselves looking like older empty nesters but once the neighbors find out we ha no kids, we get the cold shoulder (or worse), We are ethe only DINKs int e area. They do not get why we chose to live in a single family home with a little acreage. Like we are supposed to go to a no-kinds house or condo somewhere.
She has unattached friends who aren’t married and want to have kids before it’s too late and she loves them and thinks they’re great people who should meet a good fella like yourself.
Tell them your swimmers aren’t swimming
why don’t I have kids? because abortions are still legal in some states.
Because it’s a societal expectation applied to everyone. It sucks.
A possible answer could be “why do you wanna know? Are you goin to pay for the kid’s needs?”
I don’t think supervisors are allowed to say or ask those things?
If you want to be snippy, say something like “I don’t answer to you” or “my blood line has to die with me”.
I personally love “the courts don’t let me see my kids”. Gets them to fuck right off.
My wife is 6 years older than me. When she was 45-50, we were having sex ten times a week.
She’s letching; cuz she’s horny AF. Nothing like menopause looming over you* to light a fire under your ass.
The world is full of assholes. No way around it.
Just stop caring. Solves a lot of problems.
Some people just won’t understand not wanting kids. They think it’s the only thing you can do of substance with your life and the only way to have relationships once you’re older. I have kids and I love them and they’re my only focus as of right now, and I can see why people wouldn’t want to put all that focus into someone else. Sometimes people think it’s creepy but the right people won’t care.
You’re getting 10% of the BS that women without kids get at that age. Some people just cannot understand not breeding and accumulating sex trophies.
You do not like the flirting? I can’t tell because you are engaging in conversation that had sexual overtones and is not her business. Tell her you are impotent and thus can’t have children and no one wants to marry into a sexless marriage. That should stop the flirting and prying.
This isn’t a gender thing. It’s a society thing. Women get these questions starting at age 25.
Sadly in pretty much all cases it’s bc Minding Your Own Business is a dying art.
I’m low thirties and people act this way. I just laugh and ask why tf they think I’d want kids.
Tell them you had testicular cancer, had your testicles removed, and now have neuticles. That you didn’t want to bring it up because it’s a sensitive situation.
I’m 34, female, and have no kids. Neither I nor my boyfriend want kids and its reasonable. None of my coworkers question it so it’s weird urs ask. To shut it down I’d just say “I can’t have kids and i dont want to talk anout it.” to make them feel like they clearly crossed a boundary. These are my own reasons for not having kids…
If I were to want a child later in life, I’d rather adopt someone who already exists who needs love and a home. I’ve thought about the scenarios of getting old and if I’d regret it. If I have no one to care for me when I’m old. No matter what I still don’t want kids. It doesn’t fit in the lifestyle I want for myself. Having a kid is a decision that lasts your entire life. I’m an awesome aunt and I love my nephew to death, but I’m happy not having kids. I can dote on my nephew whenever I want and still get that fulfillment of loving a child unconditionally.
Overall, it’s weird and pushing boundaries for coworkers to keep inquiring about it. Once is fine, but after that it’s not appropriate.
I’m a woman the same age as you with no kids. It’s not just men who get a hard time, trust me.
Sad loser nosey bastards just don’t know how to mind their own fucking business.