Women who have experienced aggression or violence after rejecting someone in a public place, what is your story?
Women who have experienced aggression or violence after rejecting someone in a public place, what is your story?
r/AskWomen
Women who have experienced aggression or violence after rejecting someone in a public place, what is your story?
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My first bf. I had split with him and was in process of packing to leave town, he had been stalking me. He showed up to get some of his stuff and started an argument and all of a sudden he grabbed my throat and started choking me. I almost blacked out. He kind of stopped and I booked it out of there and came back later with my dad to get the rest of my stuff.
Went on one date with a guy. He drove really scarily at a certain point to impress me? He also made some offhand comments that showed he was controlling in nature. I got home safe. He phoned and asked for another date and I said “thanks for your time, I didn’t feel a spark. I wish you the best”. Thought that was it. A couple weeks later I was in a lineup to get into a club and he came out of nowhere and body slammed me into the wall. He booked it out of there fast.
Those were the only two physical violence episodes due to rejection. I’ve been yelled at and called names as well by other men after saying things like “I didn’t feel a spark, wishing you good luck”.
Too many to count but there’s a few that stand out…
I was on night out with friends when I was in my 20’s. We were in a club and as we walked past the bar a guy grabbed me by my wrist and tried to pull me towards him. I told him to let me go, pulled my hand away and tried to walk off he shouted ‘don’t you walk away from me!’ and lunged towards me. He put his hand on my chest and pushed me backwards into a wall so he was leaning on me. He shoved his hand up my dress and was pulling at my underwear. Luckily, some other guys saw what he was doing and pulled him off me. The bouncers kicked him out, I waited until he was definitely gone and got a cab home.
While on holiday in NYC two men catcalled me and when I ignored them they started following me. I was sixteen and alone, they followed me for three blocks back to my hotel. I had to ask the concierge not to let them in and waited at the reception desk until they disappeared.
On the tube in London, groping when it was crowded was fairly common. Someone kept putting their hand on my bum repeatedly but I couldn’t see who so in the end I grabbed the hand and forced it up in the air above my head so everyone could see and shouting ‘stop touching my bum, you pervert!’ That ended in a barrage of insults being shouted in my face before he got off at the next stop.
Hundreds of instances that involve the usual shouting and swearing that results from refusing to give out your number or engage in conversation with someone who has just shouted something disgusting at you in the street. And these are just the men I didn’t know. Occasionally ending a relationship has been emotionally or physically traumatic.
In college, someone I had classes with asked if I wanted to get some coffee and talk, he seemed nice enough so I said yes
Keep in mind I ONLY Knew him from class, and had only talked to him a handful of times before this meeting, mainly about video games
Randomly during our coffee he told me he loved me, and that he had been watching me and “taking notes” of my outfits and thinks we would be “the perfect couple”, and that he wanted to go out with me
I was insanely creeped out and honestly scared, I told him I wanted to focus on college and wasn’t looking to date and he stood up and screamed “FINE! FUCK YOU!!!” Really loudly and walked out
I ended up telling the professor about it and told him I didn’t feel safe coming to class anymore, I ended up doing a bunch of classes online instead until one day the professor told me that the student was gone
Maybe not actual agression but just two days ago, I went on a date in a restaurant and wasn’t feeling it but instead of going home after I made it very clear to him the date was over for me, he would just kind of stick around and follow me. I didn’t want to go home with him so I had to text a friend to come and then he finally left.
I was dancing with my friend at a frat party and this guy tried to grind up against me. I politely told him “I have a boyfriend” and he proceeded to dump a beer on my head. My friend’s boyfriend (who was in the frat) proceeded to punch him in the face and kick him out.
One that stands out the most to me was an old dude had me by the arm, dragging me out of the restaurant I was working at & no one tried to stop him until my boss came out to see why I was screaming. The dining room was full too. I keep thinking about what could have happened had he ignored my screams and how no one tried to stop him.
When I was in my early 20s I had a convertible. I was hit on many times with the drop top down but one in particular sticks out to me. A group of young boys drove up next to me in traffic and kept leaning out of the window trying to get my number and being generally gross and laughing. The light was taking a long time to change and I finally just said “no thanks, I’m not interested” and one of the boys spits water out of his mouth at me. He fortunately failed at his aiming and I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Then the light changed and he called me a fucking bitch as we drove off.
I was running errands one day and was very tired. I saw a pet store nearby and decided to visit some puppies as a pick-me-up. I walked past a group of four men who started catcalling me. One guy asked for my number and I said “no thank you” and kept walking. They started hurling insults at me. One guy told me “I’m going to give you a good time whether you like it or not”. They were following me. I remember looking in the pet store and seeing a young woman, maybe late teens, and an elderly man. My immediate thought was “they won’t be able to protect me”. I change course and made a bee line for the Starbucks across the street. They followed me the entire time, yelling some pretty horrible stuff. I made it inside the crowded Starbucks and waited them out. Idk how long I was there. After they left, I practically ran to my car and drove home. I kept looking in my rear view mirror, worried they were following me.
We went out on a date. I always make it a point to wear clothes with pockets so I don’t have to carry a purse, carry cash, make sure I get there by myself and I know my way around where I am at when meeting someone for the first few times. So we had coffee and it was fine. We then went to get a bite and he started getting aggressive about going back to my place or his. I said no. I wasn’t sleeping with him. So then he started trying to get touchy. I again said no. So he started going on he is a good guy speech and I wasn’t allowed to say no to him. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and we would finish that argument when I got back. So I got up, towards the bathroom, I found a waiter and told him I wanted to play for my half of the bill. I guess the guy I was with was being a bit loud because the waiter asked if I needed help. I said yes and asked him if there was another exit. He led me through the back exit and I blocked the guy and made my way home. He didn’t know where I lived. Once I blocked him he didn’t have another way to contact me. And that’s the last I heard of him.
Dude called me a bitch then actually bit me. Like took a chunk out of my arm.
Was in a public bar, security got him off me and military police attendee shortly after.
They screamed at him a bunch and took him away, gave me a card and assured me he would have serious consequences whether I chose to press charges or not.
I was in the grocery last week and I have unusually light colored eyes. I get a lot of attention because of the color.
A man approached me and told me I have gorgeous eyes I thanked him and went on about my shopping. Then he tried to come on to me but I repeatedly turned him down. Finally I was tired of him and dropped the diplomatic approach and shut him down hard. He leaves and I think he finally got the picture.
Wrong. I hear hey bitch and why I turned I’ll never know but he splashed me in the face and particularly my eyes with peroxide.
My eyes burned worse than I can describe. Long story short police are called I have to go to the ER to get checked out and there luckily there isn’t any permanent damage.
But the thing that struck me was at some point during the whole thing I found myself being thankful it wasn’t bleach or ammonia and that it was just peroxide not something worse. And it made me so angry that I was thankful to be splashed in the face with peroxide because how much worse it could have been.
He was arrested the following day and apparently has a history of this sort of thing.
It was at a bar. I recently moved to a new place, and a few guys started talking to me. They were nice and polite, and this was a small town. So when they asked, I told them where I was working. One of the guys turned out to be a colleague. Not only that, he worked in an area that was going to be affected by one of my projects (a project I had recently taken over for his department basically, and would affect his work). He acted pleasantly surprised by that.
Later on I was talking mainly to one guy. The colleague (let’s call him C) had ‘coincidentally’ moved next to me. I saw out of the corner of my eye the way he looked at me while he sat down and had a feeling he was too interested, and I wasn’t interested back. I made sure to be as turned away from him as possible, pretending not to notice him. The guy I was talking to left for a minute, and C took the chance to talk to me. I had to reply but kept my body language turned away. He laid a hand on my thigh. I decided this guy went from Uninteresting to AvoidAvoidAvoid.
He then asked if I had Snapchat. “yes” I said, and nothing more. He finally understood I wasn’t going to give him my Snapchat. He was quiet for a few seconds. Then he started shouting at me. He decided to go for things like “you shouldn’t have gotten the project in our department, I should have ran that project myself, it’s not like it’s hard it’s much better if we do it ourselves”. I was stunned silent, and afraid. I’m tall. This dude was at least twice my weight, built like a tank and one punch would likely put me down for good. He was shaking with rage, screaming, leaning towards me and acting like he was holding himself back from beating me to a pulp with a hair thin thread and was going to get me any second. He was kind of cornering me too, so I had little choice but sit there in stunned horror and watch and cross my fingers I wasn’t about to be turned into a puddle of blood.
His friends cane and got him after what felt like an eternity and luckily convinced him to go somewhere else.
And yes. I had to sit in meetings at work with this person several times and pretend I didn’t hate his guts. He even called after me after work as I was headed towards my car once, to ask me some question, I think he wanted some information. The audacity.
A couple of times when I was out with my husband, I’d get some guy who decided to treat this like a Popeye/Bluto situation and “win me” away from him. I’m pretty blunt, so I usually shut that shit down when I realise what’s going on. One dude really could not take no for an answer. Getting loud, angry, and in my face. Husband got in between us and it almost got violent until a cop came over.
Which time do you want? I doubt I can remember them all.
The most common scenario when people get aggressive after I politely reject them is screaming ‘bitch’ at me and usually following me part way down the street. Or saying they hope I have something terrible happen to me since I only like ‘Chad’.
A few times they have physically assaulted me, but that is more rare than the screaming or following while shouting at me.
My daughter she’s 42 years old now but about 15 years ago she was at a club and rejected a guy. Leaving going to her car he cornered her and socked her in the face she had a very bad black eye face swollen. She didn’t know who he was but a few months later she seen him in public somewhere he didn’t recognize her. But she was so scared she called a male friend of hers, he asked where she was cause he was coming to take dude out. But she said no let it go but she’s never ran into that guy again.