some girl approached my bf (21m) and i (21f) at marshalls and told us she was living in a hotel with her autistic daughter and her bf beats her (i couldnt really hear her tbh). She asked us for $40 and we both say we dont have cash on us and then she proceeds to ask if we could go to target or cub to get cashback. at this point im kind of folding but extremely uncomfortable but my boyfriend is firm and said no (which i was fine with me because we just didnt have cash on us and wasnt comfortable with giving money away) as he started to walk away, i started to follow and stated we are just struggling college students so we dont want to and then she goes “men like you are what make girls look bad” and now im like. so uncomfortable and we leave!! but now im feeling guilty and like sad because she insulted my dude but he just knew that i was uncomfortable so he just wanted to get me away even though he did it in a very “assertive” way. IDK am i in the wrong, is he in the wrong đđ are we bad people??!? i just keep thinking about it ://///
edit; idk if this matters but she was young, well dressed, clean and didnt look like a drug addict which is why i started to fold đĽ˛
Comments
No. Just say no.
I’m willing to bet those 40 bucks that she was a drug addict looking for cash for a fix.
She could have been telling the truth, she could not have been. Sounds like maybe some mental health issues were at play.
You didn’t have the money and you weren’t comfortable being followed to get money. That’s not your fault.
This is a pretty common scam in my area fwiw. My local Target has had to ban a few different women because they were stalking people in the store and in the parking lot with a very similar sob story.
It also happens in grocery stores here where they try to make it more sympathetic by asking for free groceries instead of money, but if you talk to the women long enough you realize they can’t keep their stories straight. First, they have 2 kids, then just 1, then a son named Johnny, next his name is Jimmy, etc.
I would have gone to the customer service desk and explained that you are not shopping there today because panhandlers are accosting customers and becoming harassing if they are not given money. Let them know why you are not spending money in their store.
Very common. They know how to tug at the heart strings. I give to people when I have it. I spend $3 on a pepsi and $3 is a big deal for them. I know what they are spending it on. You don’t give something with stipulations. If you don’t want to give then don’t. They will move on to the next person.
Just say no and report it to the store manager next time
This happened to me today at Marshall’s. Exact same story, and same answer when we said we didn’t have cash. That’s odd but maybe drives home that its a common scam.
I did feel bad for her even though im sure the story was bullshit. Still, its not great position in life to be asking people for money at Marshall’s. I will never go to a second location to take out cash for someone. Seems very unsafe, even though the girl seemed relatively harmless.
Scam.
She was a scammer !! Don’t waste one more second feeling bad.
Honestly as a man I donât give money to beggars. When I was 15 years younger some desperate chick asked me for $10 for âfoodâ. I said no, went through the McDonaldâs drive thru and grabbed myself some burgers and fries. Anyways I felt bad so I doubled back across the parking lot and said âhey youâre hungry hereâs a big Mac and friesâ and she got furious with me. Fuck her, and jerks who beg for drugs.
Honestly itâs OK to say no to people. You have no obligation to help, and you have no way of knowing they arenât lying (they probably are).
$40 is a big ask. Sheâs probably a scammer. She probably does this all day every day and makes a good living doing it. If her bf beat her sheâd likely be looking rough not put together.
Also how many people who are in hard times are well dressed and put together? More often than not their appearance would reflect that to some degree.
Itâs not your responsibility to save the world. Itâs your responsibility to take care of yourself, your family ect. When youâre in a position where you have far more then you need, then consider helping out, but be skeptical. A lot of liars, scammers and addicts
Last time I gave money to a beggar he came up and asked me for a smoke (I was off my motorcycle having a cigarette at a coffee shop) it was a small ask and I wanted to be left alone so I gave him one. Immediately heâs like âoh can I have a few dollars?â I said no man you canât.
3 mins later he comes up to me trying to sell me packs of cigarettes.
I thought he needed money?
Itâs a zero effort hustle of scum bags to put it bluntly
When you are young you don’t remember being approached much because families with kids are a bad mark. When you get older you will be approached based on what you are wearing. Sometimes it’s a known ‘bum’ that is just in the area and homeless and sometimes it’s a known ‘scammer’ that is not homeless it’s just a good place to hit up people that will not be back in the area for a few months or years. The ‘stranded and just need money to get to [next city]’ sign lady at the exit of the Sam’s in my area has been there for at least 15 years. We have a local military base and she probably makes bank off new arrivals.
I remember I stopped to get gas when coming back from my internship once(so slacks and a button down shirt because ‘dress to impress’ and all that) and some random guy walked up to be with a flyer(the only flyer he had) to ask about donating some money for a dance class so the youth in the area can stay off drugs. He wanted a minimum of 50$. I told him I didn’t have that much because I was just an intern and he took the flyer back and walked completely off the property. I was not the only person fueling their car, I was just the only one dressed up.
These people target young people because you think ‘Oh maybe they actually are struggling’ and they could be. They also could have picked you because you’ve probably never had to turn anyone down for something like this and they have experience badgering young women/men to give them money. The part where she told you go get cash back for her is the part where you should have immediately realized that she’s a scammer. A desperate person that really needs the money can also be a scammer. Scammers have bills and bad situations too. Some of them might have as much experience doing this as you’ve been alive.
Never feel bad to tell someone ‘no’ and to keep telling them ‘no’ if they don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. ‘No’ is a complete sentence and it is always an acceptable answer no matter what the other party says. You will need that to be able to be happy in life as you grow older.
For $40? No, y’all aren’t the problem. That’s a lot to ask of a stranger, regardless of whether it was a scam or not.
If it was $0.50 it would be a different story. I once had a homeless man ask me, ask everyone for $0.50. No clue why, but it was $0.50, so I gave him it (my best guess is that he was psychotic and thought he needed to pay a parking meter, and possibly filled someone else’s meter).
But, $40 is very different than $0.50. Y’all aren’t the problem.
$40 bucks is specific and a lot. If they were really struggling they would ask for anything or something specific like money for a cab.
If you have extra cash and want to give it to the person, that’s fine, but they were being aggressive, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that either. I would have asked if they had gone to a shelter for people who have been abused and get them an address to go to and bus fare if possible.
Your boyfriend did the right thing. Say no, make no excuses, and immediately walk away. That is a con artist who has learned which lines to recite to guilt people into giving them money. The longer you interact with them the more likely they are to goad you into some sort of confrontation.