Over the past 4–5 years, I’ve lost nearly 200 pounds due to some health issues. I went from around 350 pounds to my current weight of 165. While I expected some physical changes and maybe better health, I was completely unprepared for how differently the world would treat me.
And honestly? It’s been deeply unsettling.
When I was overweight, I felt invisible at best and actively disrespected at worst. People rarely made eye contact. Doors weren’t held. Smiles were rare. Strangers were short with me, if not downright rude. It was like just existing in public as a fat woman irritated people.
But now? People go out of their way to be kind. Men and women both smile more. I hear “you’re beautiful” from complete strangers—often. People let me cut in line. They hold doors. They start conversations. It’s so dramatically different that it’s hard not to feel… disgusted.
Because who I am inside hasn’t changed.
I know some of my perspective is tied to my own past insecurities. But this isn’t all in my head. There is a different standard for how people treat you based on how you look. And realizing that so many people treated “past me” with coldness or disrespect simply because of my size has made me not really like people much.
That’s why I go out of my way now to be kind to everyone. To smile, to hold doors, to say hello—regardless of appearance. I remember how a single moment of kindness could brighten an otherwise heavy day.
We have to do better. This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I just needed to vent. I also want to challenge anyone who reads this: the next time you’re out, make a point to be kind to everyone. You never know how much it could mean.
Has anyone else experienced this?
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Backup of the post’s body: Over the past 4–5 years, I’ve lost nearly 200 pounds due to some health issues. I went from around 350 pounds to my current weight of 165. While I expected some physical changes and maybe better health, I was completely unprepared for how differently the world would treat me.
And honestly? It’s been deeply unsettling.
When I was overweight, I felt invisible at best and actively disrespected at worst. People rarely made eye contact. Doors weren’t held. Smiles were rare. Strangers were short with me, if not downright rude. It was like just existing in public as a fat woman irritated people.
But now? People go out of their way to be kind. Men and women both smile more. I hear “you’re beautiful” from complete strangers—often. People let me cut in line. They hold doors. They start conversations. It’s so dramatically different that it’s hard not to feel… disgusted.
Because who I am inside hasn’t changed.
I know some of my perspective is tied to my own past insecurities. But this isn’t all in my head. There is a different standard for how people treat you based on how you look. And realizing that so many people treated “past me” with coldness or disrespect simply because of my size has made me not really like people much.
That’s why I go out of my way now to be kind to everyone. To smile, to hold doors, to say hello—regardless of appearance. I remember how a single moment of kindness could brighten an otherwise heavy day.
We have to do better. This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I just needed to vent. I also want to challenge anyone who reads this: the next time you’re out, make a point to be kind to everyone. You never know how much it could mean.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I’m experiencing the opposite- I gained 90lbs when I was pregnant, and while I’m not considered morbidly obese, I am overweight. People don’t go out of their way to be kind to me anymore like they used to, I don’t get compliments from strangers when I’m out, people don’t hold the door for me when I’m going in with a stroller even, and it fucks with my head so much.
I’m struggling with my body image and it sucks because I used to have an eating disorder and I spent years repairing my relationship with my body and now I have to start over and learn to be kind to myself again.
It is fucked up how people view others based on weight. My mom struggled with her weight her entire life until she got sick, and I know it fucked with her too. People would tell her how great she looked when she was literally dying of cancer. And the only difference was that she was smaller.
I’m sorry people didn’t treat you with the kindness you deserved when you were bigger. You have always deserved respect.
It’s just the way the world is. I’m still a thin and fit and tall male but the world treats me very differently now that I’m 50 than when I was 25 and devastatingly handsome. 😜
I’ve been on both sides, I was heavy lost a lot of weight and was treated great by society. Then I had a medical concern and had to take a medication it made me gain a large amount of weight despite eating well and staying active and it was like I was invisible again, like so invisible I wasn’t included in work events I had planned they didn’t realize I needed to be there until my verification code was needed. There have been countless other times where my “fat invisibility” has been put on full display.
It’s sad that somehow my ideas and worth are linked by society to my weight and that is what makes me invisible.
This is definitely a sad but universal experience. My weight fluctuates and I notice how people treat me differently when I’m on the heavier side. At one point I had lost 100 lbs and its was insane the difference of how I was treated. All bodies are beautiful. Be kind to all.
You’ll be invisible again once you age and your hair goes grey… Our culture sucks.
Edit the usually typos..
Yes. Back in 2007, I “discovered” exercise and healthy eating. I went from a bit over 200 lbs to 130lbs. What made me start to focus on my heath was that at 26, I had just had a physical and my blood pressure was terrible and my dr prescribed blood pressure meds. My bloodwork came back funky for a few other things and my blood sugar pointed to the fact that while I wasn’t diabetic yet, that was a very real future possibility. Scared the hell out of me.
It wasn’t just that strangers were kinder, but I actually lost friends. Has that happened to you?
I didn’t change personality-wise and if I had, my mother and my best friend are both extremely direct and would have said something immediately. My clothing style didn’t really change much either. But aside from my best friend – other friends…wow. I would get comments like “that eating disorder is really working for you” and people would make a huge issue out of the fact that I had quietly ordered a healthier meal at a restaurant and stuck to tea instead of alcohol, how I wasn’t “fun” anymore because I didn’t drink cocktails. I’d get comments when I declined happy hour after work like “Oh, sure. Going to the gym again?” when I was actually dropping by to visit my mom. It was awful and people were very toxic.
When I was going through a terrible mental health crisis I completely stopped eating. I looked better than I had in years and people were CONSTANTLY bringing it up. Asking my secret. Saying I must feel so great. It was totally soul crushing to hear these things on a daily basis and have to pretend to be happy to talk about it when I just wanted to die. Our society is so messed up when it comes to weight and how we treat people.
I’m surprised you’re surprised. We live in a shallow society that prizes beauty.
Yes, I have been 60 lbs overweight and very thin. I resented attention from people who knew me when I was heavy. Now suddenly I was worthy? Give me a break.
I’ve been in your shoes too. I got bariatric surgery eight years ago and went from 307 to 150. Even more jarring than strangers being nicer to me was observing how my friends and family were nicer to me too. I was no longer the afterthought. And it hurt knowing that the people who were supposed to objectively love and support me treated me better simply because I was smaller. Ultimately, I found that I had to distance myself from a lot of relationships because it hurt me too much to live with that knowledge, and also know that my friends and family probably didn’t even realize that they were doing it. I started making new friends who didn’t know me when I was big and felt I was able to make a fresh start on life that way. I still keep in contact with old friends, but I don’t go out of my way to be included in their lives anymore. We aren’t anyone’s afterthought.
This is me when I’m with my son vs when I’m alone. Mothers are invisible
I find women are kinder to me now that I’m fat, and men don’t notice me at all. Honestly, it’s kind of a relief.
When I was growing up, I always kept my head shaved for convenience. As a female. When I was a teenager, I would always have people tell me id be prettier if id grow my hair out or smile more. I hated that mentality. I did end up growing my hair out because I wanted to curl it. But when it got long, I got a lot of attention. People told me how pretty I was and suddenly popular kids who never acknowledged me before would talk to me. I promptly went home and shaved it back off and was invisible again. People really should be nice to everyone, unrelated to how pretty they think they are.
About 10 years ago i went through some health issues. I’ve always been a bigger woman. I lost 100 lbs and the amount of stares, catcalling , comments and creepiness was horrid.
I feel like I’ve kind of experienced this myself (just not as impressive of a jump and from the opposite side of the scale.)
When I was ridiculously underweight I got approached so much more vs at a healthy weight I’m basically never approached . I also think personally it was my lack of confidence back then but seeking attention vs my newfound confidence and no need for external validation.
I’m not saying this is in your head because I truly believe society is obsessed with people being thin but I would also look to see if maybe you’re now exuding more confidence and self-acceptance than you used to and people are attracted to that.
I’m going to be honest here. I haven’t experienced this.
I’m UK based, 5″11 and weigh around 16 stone. I’m over weight, weigh more than my husband and I have double chins. I’m not morbidly obese but am considered obese by my BMI. I wear a UK size 16-22 depending on where I shop (women you know what I’m talking about with sizes). Husband is 6″2 and weighs around 15 stone. He’s pure muscle and is very handsome.
Before I met my husband I was 12 stone, I could count my ribs, I never got any attention and I was miserable. From ages 16-22 I was a hermit. I only went out to drink with friends and never had any confidence. When I met him, I became who I am today.
Honestly I get treated well, I get flirted with in bars, I get doors opened for me, I am offered seats in bars, I’m always cheerful and friendly with people and chatty as anything. My husband is a sullen sod who rarely smiles in public and won’t talk to anyone.
So my take from this, is that I haven’t been treated any differently wether I was a size 10 UK or a size 22uk. I think my attitude and personality is what counts and people react to that. Obviously this is my own experience.
I just got back from an all inclusive girls trip with one of my best friends. She is sullen and rarely smiles to people in public and is quite frankly anti social, so she does get treated differently. Shes super body confident and slightly over weight but wears amazing outfits that suit her and looks fabulous. But because of her attitude no one will approach her or treat her the way I am because of my carefree friendly approach. I had bar tenders joking with me and flirting while when she went up they ignored her because she wouldn’t chat. I think that’s the difference.
I’m not trying to belittle anyone who finds the way they are treated for being over weight vs normal weight. But I do think the way you are and present yourself and attitude weights more heavily.
So OP, perhaps now you’ve lost the weight, you feel better and exude the confidence you wish you’d always had? As opposed to when you felt awful about yourself you hid your inner shine?
I don’t think there will ever be a definite answer on this but everyone needs to let their inner self shine and have the confidence you deserve.
I’m happy for you losing the weight and I hope you feel healthier for it. But never forget your old self and remember how you were treated and be sure to treat others the way you want to be treated. So hold that door, offer someone to cut in line, smile to those on the street to brighten their day and make every moment count.
Yes, but in the opposite direction. The difference in the way you are treated depending on how you look is dramatic and disheartening.
It’s not fair but yeah this is how the world works and for many people it’s not remotely conscious. We def should be kind and friendly to all. But it’s human nature to respond better to people we find visually better, people just warm to them more.
Oh honey…this is how the world works. We like lovely people who take pride in their appearance & health. Not everyone think we need to “do better”.
BMI is a quick indicator of people I want to associate with.
Do I have to be the one to tell her? I guess I am.
Women are very, very cruel to eachother. Most of the bullshit women do to stay “young looking” is because other women are cruel about it. Second, men didn’t want to sleep with you at 350lbs, they do want to sleep with you at 165lbs. It’s not a surprise they’re nicer.
Yes. I experienced this. It made me furious!
I made sure I never gave any of the men who knew me at my largest the time of day when they started asking me out once I got super fit.
And I agree on just being a kind person to everyone. My goal is that people leave an interaction with me feeling better than at the start. Whether I hold the door for them, look at them and say hello, or give a sincere compliment or thank you.
I live in the Midwest, top the scales at your old weight (I’m working on it. Way to go!) and I get compliments on the street often and they guys usually hold the door. But then again, the ladies hold doors too. My guess is it has more to do with what you are radiating. Usually weight loss comes with lifestyle changes. Those changes can often lead you to feeling better about life in general. Maybe you’re smiling more. You are probably shining more than you realize.
I lost 50 pounds for various health reasons, but now that I am doing better I am actively trying to make healthier choices. People 100% treat me differently now. Nicer, more smiles, people talk to me in random places, and I get a ton of compliments about my goth/witchy sort of style; whereas people just avoided me or treated me like I didn’t exist at all before. I knew pretty privilege existed, of course, but I didn’t realize how pervasive and ubiquitous the casual disrespect toward obese people really is.
I’m still a little overweight and am hoping to lose a bit more for my own health and comfort, but it is deeply unsettling how differently I am treated when I am simply existing. I don’t take kindness from others for granted, that’s for sure.
Skinny/attractive privilege is a thing and it is disgusting.
I experienced the same after losing 100. I mentioned it to some acquaintances after I received totally unnecessary special attention all evening. They dismissed it, saying it was just the night, and I look happy. What they couldn’t understand is how consistent it is now and how it flat didn’t exist when I was chunky. It’s on, or it’s off.
I live on the border of ignorant redneckville and civilization in northern Colorado. I experience the exact same difference when I am with a person of color than without. Gross.
I noticed this when I gained 50 pounds. People weren’t rude to me, I just didn’t exist. At best I was “also there”, but a lot of times I felt like I was not there at all. Now I’ve lost all the weight, and people are back to looking at me appreciatively, smiling at me, crossing the grocery store to tell me how much they love my dress or my hair. It’s literally the same dress and same hair as when I was fat, but no one told me they loved my dress back then. I don’t think anyone even saw my dress back then. I’m not really mad or anything, I know that no one was purposefully trying to make me feel invisible or make some kind of statement on my value. I think it’s just natural to stop and take time to look at things we consider to be aesthetically pleasing, and not really notice or pay attention to things we don’t consider to be aesthetically pleasing. Can’t hold that against anyone. It’s just a really bizarre experience because it’s a night and day difference, and nothing changed about me besides my weight.
Not with weight, but with hair of all things. My mom had a long painful battle with pancreatic cancer. She was my best friend. I was losing clumps of hair due to stress. I had thin broken ratty hair. When Mom passed my friends mentioned my hair. Or lack thereof. I decided to get a really good wig while my hair got healthy again.. It was insane how differently people treated me. I was invisible in boutiques or stores like Nordstrom when Mom was sick. With a full head of beautiful blonde hair, I was treated completely different. It pissed me off. Like you said, it was still ME. Just me with great hair. But all of the sudden people spoke to me. Asked if I needed help. Complimented my looks. Blah. We live in a very looks driven society. Made much worse with social media. You never know what someone is going through. I’ve always been one to hold doors, help people, compliment them. I’ve seen cancer patients made fun of. Wtf people. Do better. I hope your health issues are getting better!❤️
Edit spelling
Fyi who you are inside has, in fact, changed quite a lot
I experienced the same thing when I lost weight. I then put some of the weight back on and saw it swing right back the other way. Frankly, I kinda prefer being invisible. I don’t appreciate the attention of strangers that sometimes pass a line into icky
I lost weight and the same thing happened. I remember I’d asked a guy to go for a drink, before the weight loss. He declined with some bs excuse. After I lost the weight, I ran into him somewhere and his eyes about popped out of his head. After some polite chit chat, he asked me out for a drink. I declined. I remember being upset and angry, thinking how I was the same person inside. But he didn’t care to figure that out when I was heavier.
I was really sick at one point, had caught something weird and persistent, so it took months to get over it. I was so fatigued that I literally didn’t have the energy to feed myself at home. I would slog to work, try to have a normal day, then drag myself home, feed the cat, then sit down on the couch and pass out until I had to start over again. I lost a lot of weight during this time, as starving yourself can do, and that was all anyone noticed. Not the hollows under my eyes, the persistent nasty cough, that I was always exhausted. I got so many compliments about my weight loss when I was literally wasting away. I ended up on a bunch of meds to try to suppress whatever virus I’d got and stimulate my appetite and the compliments went away as I got better. 🙃
I’ve been a weight yoyo my whole life. I’ve been everything between size 2-16 my entire adult life and at least for me, the extra sexual harassment and danger makes being thin and attractive worse than being average or overweight. I felt so unsafe all the time when I was thin with waist length hair, I’ve even had strangers stroke or grab my hair. It was not worth people being nicer or holding the door for me.
Pretty women live life on easy mode.
I have exoerienced this, now big again. But with the more sellf confident attitude. My weight doesnt define me, and if people think other wise you are not worth it.
I try to be aware of it, but will probably be guilty to it. Recentely learned that tall men will also be perceived as more wise, and kinda recognize that behavior.
I am trying to be the change, and also enjoy the more anonymous state of living
Quite simply, thinner people are more attractive than people that are obese by most people. Your interactions prove this.
Same thing with age. Younger people are more attractive.
I say this as someone who is overweight and in their mid 50’s.
I lost 60 lbs, and you are not wrong
I’ve had a similar experience by going from not attractive to attractive and now back to a bit overweight and not so attractive. It’s weird and has also made me cynical.
I grew up kinda ugly. I knew it because boys would laugh at me and call me “fucking ugly” to my face. I got used to being invisible. I had pretty friends and everytime we were out people would only notice them and seem annoyed if I even spoke.
I’m not sure what happened in my twenties but at some point something changed. I guess I “grew into my features”. Suddenly I was interesting, people would compliment my looks and I got the attention I used to be so desperate for. At first it was fun and I got a bit cocky even. But it made me also think that all these people never cared about who I was inside. And all the attention stopped feeling good, just empty and shallow, even though all I wanted as a teenager was to be pretty and wanted. It also fucked with my head because I still didn’t see myself as beautiful, I just noticed the change in how people treated me.
Now I’m in my thirties and I guess still considered ok looking. I’ve gained some weight though and it has made me invisible again. Honestly I’m kinda enjoying it, because now I don’t think people talk to me just because how I look. So I guess there’s some benefit to it but yeah, being thin and pretty makes life easier for the most part.
Weird, it’s like people have their own preferences and feelings, etc etc.
Also, let’s be honest—-people aren’t trying to squeeze next to SOME obese people, people aren’t trying to wait because SOME obese people are slower, people don’t want to smell and experience the various physical sensations that can accompany being near SOME obese persons.
You want everyone to be nice and pleasant and treat people well, well it’s time to be honest about all of it.
My wife had to come home with a sore back the other day due to some obese lady squeezing into her space at an event at a school auditorium. She couldn’t even watch my daughter get inducted into the National Honor Society without someone who doesn’t get treated nice enough intruding into HER space.
Respect works ALL ways, so let’s talks about it all since that’s the case.
I’m experiencing similar issues bc I’ve lost a lot of weight pretty fast but it’s bc I’m sick. I have a chronic illness and have been having a bunch of issues with it in the last 5 months and dropped weight bc I’m not eating much.
I get compliments bc I was overweight to begin with and it’s frustrating bc it’s like “thanks, it’s bc I’m sick and my Dr is actually pretty concerned about the weight loss…”
And it’s more complicated bc of course I’m glad I’ve lost some weight. I’ve been programmed to think that way. I’m trying hard to think differently and just appreciate my body for trying to keep me alive.
Yes. I fell sick and lost half my body weight. People were CONGRATULATING me for my weight loss – no one asked if I was sick. And THAT was sickening
I was a late bloomer in life and can very much relate. It also makes me so sensitive to criticisms about how easy things must be for me bc of my appearance and while that has been true, it wasn’t like that for the majority of my life. “pretty privilege” is a thing and I have a conflicted relationship with it knowing what I know about how it feels to be treated by society, and even the people you love, on both sides.
I experienced the same thing. I went from 225lbs to about 175/180lbs and I was suddenly asked out by the work ho (he genuinely was, but he was a cool guy), and the gorgeous med student who also did modeling part time (no joke. He was a cool guy too). I was noticed by my bosses and more respected by them, and strangers were nicer to me- whether it was neighbors saying hi, or strangers acknowledging me with a nod, getting free things, etc.
It’s nice at first- weird, but nice. Then I realized the only thing that changed was my weight and I was kind of disgusted by people. (And I definitely turned down the two guys from work who asked me out. I’d been working with them around 2 years at that time).
I was 320 lbs and dropped 80 lbs in three months when my separation/divorce happened. I was hospitalized for kidney failure and other complications because I just could not eat or hold anything down with all the stress.
People praised my weight loss more than any other milestone in my life.
They dismissed my health concerns like they were a necessary privilege for me to go through. They acted like I should be thankful for the extreme immediate weight loss.
It completely changed my perspective on people and relationships. It really made me start to live my life for me. I realized I am the only person that can put myself first in life.
Now I’m 125 lbs and have a six pack because I am active and don’t wait around for others to do the things I want to do. I’m also pre diabetic so I’m trying really hard to be healthy for myself now. My quality of life has improved so much.
This happened to me!! I used to be 119 and I gained 50 lbs because of psychiatric medication and people treated me TERRIBLY now I lost all the weight and I get treated wonderfully! Its made me disgusted with people and I always treated people with kindness but now i always treat people even better because i totally understand
I don’t know why this is crazy to many people. Outside of the obvious attraction you might get from the opposite sex, being fat in today’s world usually is correlated to being lazy and undisciplined.
If you keep yourself in shape, others will notice that you keep yourself to some sort of standard
This book was really transformative for me:
Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women
By Renee Engeln
I have tried to change how I frame compliments (particularly for women, especially my younger nieces), so as not to reinforce the cultural focus on appearance.
I’ve heard this often and honestly it’s partly why I don’t want to lose weight, even though I’d been trying to for a long time. It’s just sickening how people either don’t mention your appearance at all, or say some snarky/downright rude shit when you’re overweight. I wish they’d just said nothing at all if they can’t think of a genuine compliment to say or are not that close to you to be talking about your weight/weight loss, the personal circumstances of which they may have zero knowledge about.
Yep. It sucks. Totally messes with your head. Just because I lost weight you will talk to me in front of all the other school parents when before you couldn’t give me the time of day?? Yeah, no. Fortunately, I don’t need any new friends because my true friends have stayed by my side.
You get back a lot of what you put out there. You say you haven’t changed as a person, but you also say you go out of your way to be nice to everyone now. When you’re warm and nice, it shows, and people gravitate towards that. You are behaving and treating people differently, and that’s why attitudes have changed towards you. It’s due to your weight loss, yes, but only because you didn’t have the confidence to be this way before
I experienced this and I felt the same things, and it was a slow weight loss through diet and exercise, so I could pinpoint the weights/sizes when I noticed people changing their behavior to me, and how I was treated. And when acquaintances (who all started treating me better) told me I looked wonderful and asked how I’d lost the weight, I would always tell them that I’d been struggling with heroin and cocaine and it had become a problem. It made them very uncomfortable, taught them not to make assumptions about people’s bodies and health, and honestly it made me laugh.
I was super super thin when I was getting over an illness and was constantly judged. It’s the same thing and really breaks your heart.
People acted suspicious, asked questions like, how often I vomited each day to be that thin, etc.
Meanwhile, I could barely walk and was struggling toward health.
When I got to a better weight, people I knew would just say things so rude about how bad I looked before. Not for a second considering all of it is a mental an emotional ordeal, let alone physically.
Wow. Really makes you wonder why some people only see with the eyes.
Hugs to you. You matter ♥️
It’s a bell curve. I went from stunning , to ugly , to alright. People are 10x more kind when you’re pretty or the right size. Or have the right smile.
I spent a year in chronic migraine, often unable to eat. I’m sick of people greeting me with how great I look. When they say, “you’ve lost weight!” I tell them not on purpose.
I will say, as a senior citizen, my joints do feel better at a smaller size. But I’d do anything to get rid of the migraine problems, they are so bad.
Same as but just at a much younger age.
I was a big kid in elementary and middle school. My mom had to buy adult pants since they don’t have kids pants my size and then she had to cut the bottoms because they were too long. You can imagine the fit was crap.
Girls didn’t talk to me. Guys made fun of me.
Then over the summer from 8th to 9th I went through a huge growth spurt and lost 5″ off my waist and I grew like 5″ in height.
When I showed up to high school everyone was like… who is that? Is that really you?
I got invited to parties, girls who never knew I existed started asking me out in droves. Like the girls who were in the popular girls group were asking me out when they never even acknowledged my existence.
My whole high school and college existence was like that, being the popular guy with the new car (dad was rich) and I was in sports and I got another new car and a new motorcycle for college.
People are superficial. Always have been. Always will.
Live your life. Just enjoy your life and you do you.
Unfortunately that’s just the way the world is.
Thin privilege. Fatness is looked at as. Moral failing by modern society. If you are fat you are not worthy. So when you are thin you are treated exponentially better. Because thin = good. It’s atrocious and when people comment on my weight I simply tell them commenting on people bodies without them first mentioning us is both rude and fatphobic. I stopped being nice. Telling people they look great because they lost weight just tells them you think they are ugly when they are fat. I also tell them that commenting on a thin person weight could be triggering and traumatic if they are sick or dealing with an eating disorder. So it’s best just not to comment on body sizes at all. Someone can be both fat and beautiful.
I gained 65 pounds from steroids for some health problems. My uber score dropped significantly and then went back up after I lost the weight. It is completely disgusting. I am the same person.
In my 20s, I lost 60 lbs. I was in the gym 6 days a week, running 5ks 3 times a week. I was in the best shape of my life…and everyone let me know it.
Someone I had known in high school went from avoiding me to stalking me at my job.
My male best friend, who I had considered family (seriously, we called each other brother and sister to anyone who asked), propositioned me and called me everything but a child of God when I declined.
A co-worker and I were talking about changing the dress code (I was working for an independent coffeeshop at the time). I joked that I should come in wearing yoga pants. That co-worker told me with no hesitation, “If you came in wearing yoga pants, I would r*pe you.”
It’s been over a decade, and I’ve gained it all back and then some. I want to lose weight again (and know I have the willpower to do it), but I don’t think I could deal with the lecherous looks of people who I thought I could trust showing their true colors.
It’s the way of the world. Glad you’re finally getting a peak.
That is the universal experience
This is why body positivity matters, not just for fat folks to feel better, but to remind the rest of society to stop being absolute trash to anyone who doesn’t fit the mold.
Yes. When I was at my heaviest, I was treated this exact same way. I’ve lost over 60 pounds, I physically look different, and i’ve noticed some people are nicer to me, specifically men. On the other hand, I’ve also noticed women treat me differently, sometimes worse.
I gained 60 lbs in perimenopause/menopause very fast. It sent me from average weight and very healthy to fat fast. It did a number on my self esteem and mental health. I was miserable in my body and felt like it betrayed me.
I became mostly invisible in society and the active disdain for the short, fat lady was palpable.
I lost the weight and am now 125lbs. And wouldn’t you know “thin/pretty privilege” in America still reigns supreme.
I am universally treated better in public. My career got a lift from its ’fat-phase stall” and I was promoted.
I’m no longer invisible, but in being seen I am not judged harshly. In fact, given my age combined with being a small bodied person I now receive compliments about women wanting to look like me as a 50-something who wears a small size.
It is whiplash. And it is not a good look on American culture and fat hatred.
This is so true, I lost a Tim of weight and people smiled and tasted me well, Strangers held doors for me. People are so shallow.
I recently had a gastric sleeve. I’ve lost 160lbs in the last 18 months. We are OR SHOULD BE counseled on this happening after we lose significant weight.
It fucking sucks. I feel you. I make my peace with it by consciously reminding myself that it’s not personal. It’s societal conditioning that we’ve all been through our entire lives.
We’re taught subconsciously (and sometimes consciously to believe:
Fat= bad, lazy, stupid, ugly, worthless
Thin= good, hardworking, smart, attractive, worthy
It made it a lot easier to not get resentful at how much better I was treated by society as a whole after I became thin. Because, yeah, that resentment was starting to grow to be bigger than the weight I’d dropped.
You’re not wrong but also don’t waste your breath. This is how humans are made. Better looking people get better treatment. That’s just how it is. And it will never ever change. You might as well get mad at gravity.
The opposite happened to me. I usually weigh 150lbs most of my adult life. I got pretty big after having kids (250) was treated worse when I gained weight. People will treat you differently based on weight.
It’s not our fault it’s just how we’re made. People are naturally drawn to what they find aesthetically pleasing and are more likely to interact positively with someone they perceive as attractive. It’s science.
If you really are pretty like you say you are get ready for catty jealous treatment by other women.
We base too much on appearances, and because of that I absolutely know your experience is spot on. It’s rotten that we are seen differently based on our weight.
When my mom died when I was in college, I barely ate. I had put on a few pounds in my earlier years of school and this took it all off again. I was caught up in grief and didn’t notice or care. The day I got back to campus after being home, one of my closest friends took one look at me and said he was going to treat me to dinner at the Chinese buffet. His words were “when was the last time you ate? You need food. Let’s go.”
First, I hope your reasons for losing weight (the health ones you mentioned) are taken care of or are better than before. Second, thank you for being a better human than the rest of the people who you’re getting attention from now. Lastly, huge props to you and your journey to lose 200 pounds. That’s a lot of determination and hard work.
I lost 100 lbs and I feel this. People treat me so differently now even though I am the same person inside.
Yup, the people I’ve noticed it from the most, are my in laws 🤨
Yeah, some of the purves in the supermarket would glare at me for being attractive but too fat to bother purving on.
I was mostly ignored. And overlooked on dating sites. Three years and 38kg of weight lost and I was being flattered and pursued.
So I myself am not fat, but being friends with/dating people who are, it is ASTOUNDING to see how differently (poorly) they are treated simply for existing in the world. It’s ghastly. And of my friends who are women, it’s even worse seeing specifically how differently men treat them. It’s really something.
Yes. I was super overweight all elementary until most of high school. I started losing weight in high school due to sports and the amount of respect I was given sent me into a spiral. Everyone was pointing out my weight loss and suddenly I was “pretty” it got to my head because the skinnier you are the prettier you are. I was always 180-200 pounds (mind you I was a child for most of that weight) I developed an eating disorder and I would literally starve myself because I was so hungry for respect and beauty. I got down to 114 in less than 6 months. I was so deadly afraid to gain weight because even my family treated me better. You’re right. It makes you hate people
I realised about a year after “losing the weight” that I’d not had my bags checked for ages when I’d go into stores. I feel ya big on this one. But now I can fit into clothes I like and hopefully I can be healthy for me and my family 🙌
Congrats on the weight loss!!
I have had a pretty similar experience. When I was heavy I wasn’t invisible per se, I was more of the funny fat friend. Odd part is I actually got hit on more often when I was large. But the quality of the guys wasn’t great and a lot of them just wanted a one nighter. Which isn’t my style at all.
I didn’t lost as much as you did, that’s so impressive!! I did go from a size 24 to a size 2 which was too small, so I went back up to a size 4.
It’s sad but yeah the different standards do 100% exist.
People were actually ruder to me when I lost 50kgs. I was a “skinny b!tch” now.
Being physically attractive/unattractive has always affected how others treat you.
Fat, ugly, old, etc all lead to similar results.
It is human nature – it takes conscious effort to overcome any natural or cultural biases.
If you’re just realizing this now, don’t feel bad about it, this doesn’t mean they are all bad people.
Also, its not something you can change, so accept it. Instead focus on the things you can change.
I’ve read this time and time again on reddit.
It’s made me realise that subconsciously, I was probably contributing to this!
I’ve always had a few body conscious issues, which in turn makes me put huge value on beauty.
I’ve now made an effort to smile at everyone, do small nice things for others, especially if they’re overweight. And it’s making me happier too.
Cliché… but it’s so true.
I find that most overweight people smell really bad but they also can’t tell because they are used to it. It may be part of the reason
Absolutely! I am 5’2 and 110, I was this size prior to my daughter and then again when she turned five. During those five years I was around 170. I noticed the same things, no more gas station banter, people didn’t hold doors or say hi…. No smiles. I thought it was due to me having a baby on my hip and just getting older. Once the weight fell off, it all came back. I’ve commented on it before, it’s pretty crazy!
People treat me soooo much nicer in public when I have makeup on lol
But sometimes I enjoy being “ignored” in public so I can just get my shit done
Yup
I’ve lost 50lb on mounjaro and I do feel people are nicer
They made a family guy episode about this.