Since I grew up with my sister I know every thing about her, the way she acts, it’s so predictable what she’s going to do. I let her do what she pleases because she’s a grown woman and I’m not saving her.
One thing I will say is that she has a very low self esteem and allows people to walk over her, but she forgives. There was a time in her marriage when her husband was cheating on her with a college girl, he worked downtown next to a college and that’s how he met the girl. My bil is 50 and this happened about 4 years ago, the girl was 17 but was turning 18. When I was told about this I was disgusted, I knew it was bad and I told my sister that this wasn’t good for her or the kids.
My sister was not taking it well, instead of blanking her husband, she blamed the girl and harassed her and her family for weeks. It got worse when my sister found out the girl was pregnant, my bil kept lying saying the baby wasn’t his but it was.My sister said the girl ruined their marriage when the villain was living with her, she didn’t give a shit what I had to say so I minded my business.
My sister forgave her husband, he convinced her to raise his daughter and they’re still together. I don’t talk to my sister often, her and my bil raise his daughter with their other kids. It wasn’t long until I heard this mess again, my sister always runs to me with she has problems but hates when I tell her the truth.
She called me crying because Danny was cheating again with young girl, she went on about not knowing what to do or what to say to him. I told her to let him go but she was offended, she said she can’t because she loves him and they have kids. I feel bad for those girls because they’re young and are victims so I did report about bil weird behavior.
She always finds a way to blame the girls and not her husband. I didn’t feel bad because it was the same cycle and I didn’t want to be part of this tiring situation, I told her to stay with him because that’s what she wanted to hear.
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Backup of the post’s body: Since I grew up with my sister I know every thing about her, the way she acts, it’s so predictable what she’s going to do. I let her do what she pleases because she’s a grown woman and I’m not saving her.
One thing I will say is that she has a very low self esteem and allows people to walk over her, but she forgives. There was a time in her marriage when her husband was cheating on her with a college girl, he worked downtown next to a college and that’s how he met the girl. My bil is 50 and this happened about 4 years ago, the girl was 17 but was turning 18. When I was told about this I was disgusted, I knew it was bad and I told my sister that this wasn’t good for her or the kids.
My sister was not taking it well, instead of blanking her husband, she blamed the girl and harassed her and her family for weeks. It got worse when my sister found out the girl was pregnant, my bil kept lying saying the baby wasn’t his but it was.My sister said the girl ruined their marriage when the villain was living with her, she didn’t give a shit what I had to say so I minded my business.
My sister forgave her husband, he convinced her to raise his daughter and they’re still together. I don’t talk to my sister often, her and my bil raise his daughter with their other kids. It wasn’t long until I heard this mess again, my sister always runs to me with she has problems but hates when I tell her the truth.
She called me crying because Danny was cheating again with young girl, she went on about not knowing what to do or what to say to him. I told her to let him go but she was offended, she said she can’t because she loves him and they have kids. I feel bad for those girls because they’re young and are victims.
She always finds a way to blame the girls and not her husband. I didn’t feel bad because it was the same cycle and I didn’t want to be part of this tiring situation, I told her to stay with him because that’s what she wanted to hear.
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She wants you to listen and not judge her, but it’s hard not to in these cases. She’s with a manipulative predator. She doesn’t want to start over, so it’s easy to blame the young girls instead of her husband. I would honestly distance myself from her. She needs to hit rock bottom before she leaves that disgusting man.
How old is your sister? It’s very alarming that BIL is messing with people young enough to be his grandchild and who aren’t adults. Also, your sister needs therapy. She was harassing a literal teenager and likely a victim over some POS who is a possible statutory r***ist.
NTA. As long as she keeps blaming the college-aged girls, she’ll never leave him. She’s teaching her daughters that you should stay with your cheating husband or put up with that behavior. It sounds like she needs therapy to realize how much happier she’d be without him. But you can only try to help her so many times; she needs to want it herself.
People keep recycling these old stories, try hard for something original next time.
Tell her you support her, but not the marriage anymore.
Well, she wasn’t going to hear anything else so really, no harm, no foul. I don’t know why she even comes to you because she wants to vent, not change.
Have you reported him. Who cares what sis wants or does with her douchebag husband, but this is abuse, sexual abuse. It should have already been reported. Who’s helping these young victims of theirs?
I was gonna say you are but clearly your not.
She chooses to be in that and keeps reaching out for validation for her decision- sometimes it’s better to cut ties even when they are your blood relations- js.
Definitely NTA
Tell her you will only listen if she gets therapy first.
This is something I don’t get either, but it seems to happen a lot. I used to watch court shows, and I couldn’t tell you how many times some girl was suing another for some kind of car scratch damage because one was sleeping with the other’s boyfriend, but they never blamed the guy.
Don’t cry over an upgrade. Help take care of child.
Next time, ask her why she is so upset because, at this point, this is normal for their relationship. Tell her she has no right to be mad because she chooses to stay with a cheater.
I had a friend like this, after a while it really started affecting my mental health so I told her that even tho I loved and cared for her I no longer wanted to hear about her husband. I would always be here for her but I refused to be a part of the drama.
“the girl was 17 but was turning 18”
The girl was a child…. A minor…. He raped a child and got her pregnant. He should be in jail. Somebody needs to report him. I can’t believe not you or your sister called the cops
Honestly if I was her sister, I would’ve judged her , bully her and told everybody and the authorities about him.
I Have a few questions. 1. did the 17/18 year old know BIL was married? 2. Is your sister actually processing the fact he got another girl pregnant, or is she just in shock and not able to think clearly. 3. Do you know what your sister is saying to blame the other girl and not your BIL, if so what.
Overall NTA, it’s not really your problem if she stays and displays a terrible image for her daughters. Not only is staying in the relationship hurting her, but also hurting her children.
If any of their kids are under 18 please call CPS and tell them that your sister is raising children with a man who preys on young teens. Someone needs to protect the kids.
Nta
Ask her to ask chatgpt. Chatgpt isn’t judgey however.. out of curiosity I asked chatgpt and this is how it responded:
If a woman like that reached out to me, I’d respond with compassion but also gentle truth. Here’s what I might say:
“I can see how deeply loyal and forgiving you are. That’s not a weakness — but when it’s directed at someone who repeatedly disrespects your love, it turns into self-sacrifice, not strength. You’ve endured a lot, and maybe you think staying is better than starting over. But ask yourself this: has he ever truly changed, or just apologized and repeated the cycle?
You deserve peace, respect, and love that doesn’t come with pain. Raising his affair baby might seem noble, but who’s raising you while you carry this burden? You’re not weak for staying — but you’d be powerful for choosing better.”
Would you like that message rewritten in a more direct or emotional tone?
Report him to the police. Try to keep your name out of it Tell them he’s hitting on and grooming underage girls. He’s not waiting till they’re 18. Send BIL an anonymous letter telling him you’ve seen him with X underage girl. That you’re notifying the police, his employer, and his wife. Then you’re going to post it all over the internet.
And see what happens.
She loves a fantasy, who she wishes he is. She doesn’t love the unfaithful man exposing her to STDs.
Tell her, look, if you’re going to keep staying with a man who keeps having unprotected sex with other women, potentially exposing you to HIV and other STDs, then stop asking me what to do. I sympathized with you the first time. Now, you’re doing this to yourself. If you don’t want to get cheated on and get STDs, leave him. If you stay, you’re staying with a lying cheater, and I don’t want to hear you complaining.
When someone is venting to me I try to ask
“Do you want sympathy or solutions?”.
If she wants sympathy tell her you can’t give any 🤷♀️
Id report regardless incase it started happening before child was of legal age and what if its not consensual…
She needs a psychologist.
Either tell her to go or book her a session. You can’t do much else.
So your brother in law had a kid with a 17 year old?!
ESH in fact except for this poor young girls your BIL is preying on.
Stop telling her what she wants to hear. In fact stop talking to her about the entire situation – you are aiding and abetting her in her craziness..
So what if she’s mad at you?? SO WHAT?? She’s a bad person, her husband is evil … stay as far away from that situation as possible.
(Good on you for reporting him, tho!!)
first off, your sister is an idiot. once a cheater always a cheater. she should leave him to tend to his own mistakes. she needs to take her,and only her kids and get away from this toxic crap. she may love him , but she needs to realize she is there to take care of his mistakes. if you are encouraging her to stay…. then you are the asshole. you should be looking out for her. it is literally his fault for screwing around in the first place. he is a piece of crap!
My mom left my father when i was 1. He got married again and cheated on his wife with his best friend’s wife. IT’S THEM. Life is so much better without people like that in your life. I’m glad they divorced when i was a kid. I can’t imagine living with a person like that right now. We live in peace, i don’t understand why people see having kids as a reason to stay with your cheating husband, it should be the opposite, it should be the reason to leave them so your kids will live in a better environment