I’m visiting my family for my little sisters(F22) graduation party. Let’s call her “A”. So A’s boyfriend came over and he ended up going outside with my nephew to look for scorpions. I thought nothing of it, I just thought they found them interesting.
Tell me why this Jeffery dhamer weird ass bitch started talking about torturing and killing the scorpions that he went out of his way to find and capture all so he could JOYFULLY kill them.
I kept saying “hey maybe just let them go in the desert, they’re not doing anything” I was completely ignored. “P”(M24) (A’s bf) walks out to look for more.
He comes back with my nephews laughing about all the ways they want to kill them. Literally acting like that shit is legit funny. Meanwhile I’m sitting there quiet, I didn’t want to “ruin the mood” but I said fuck that shit I’m saying something.
I say “I’ve got a question for you” and everyone got quiet. I asked them why it’s so funny to want to kill these defenseless animals that THEY caught. And this bitch looks me in the eyes and just says “ cause it’s funny”
I told him “I don’t understand the humor in finding it funny to kill small animals. Why do you find it so funny?”
He TELLS ME “Boys will be boys”
Again I repeated why it’s funny to kill these living creatures. “P”tells me “well I find it funny, and that’s your feeling, so I don’t have to change how I feel and besides they don’t have souls like us.”
He left and my nephews followed after him. “A” and my mom were also there, they were quiet. My mom speaks up to defend this man and says she hates scorpions too, I told her this was the same shit like my cousins abusive ex husband who also found it funny to watch lobsters attack each other in captivity when he worked at Ralph’s (he would remove the bands from one lobster so it could attack the others). She kept trying to defend him and “A” was still quiet, there was no point in arguing with my mom, so I just turned to “A” and repeated that this was just like DJ and the lobsters, this was a red flag and I told her I love her. I just told her it’s how I feel and she doesn’t have to listen to me but to be aware.
Am I wrong? There is a clear difference in wanting to kill scorpions and going out of your way and finding it funny and exciting to think of ways to torture and kill them.
Also the “boys will be boys” comment is disgusting and really telling of the kind of person he really is.
I want to talk to my sister after her party but I’m nervous about her taking offense. I don’t want her to stop talking to me especially if this relationship goes the way I feel it will. Am I overreacting? Or is this the red flag I see it as?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’m visiting my family for my little sisters(F22) graduation party. Let’s call her “A”. So A’s boyfriend came over and he ended up going outside with my nephew to look for scorpions. I thought nothing of it, I just thought they found them interesting.
Tell me why this Jeffery dhamer weird ass bitch started talking about torturing and killing the scorpions that he went out of his way to find and capture all so he could JOYFULLY kill them.
I kept saying “hey maybe just let them go in the desert, they’re not doing anything” I was completely ignored. “P”(M24) (A’s bf) walks out to look for more.
He comes back with my nephews laughing about all the ways they want to kill them. Literally acting like that shit is legit funny. Meanwhile I’m sitting there quiet, I didn’t want to “ruin the mood” but I said fuck that shit I’m saying something.
I say “I’ve got a question for you” and everyone got quiet. I asked them why it’s so funny to want to kill these defenseless animals that THEY caught. And this bitch looks me in the eyes and just says “ cause it’s funny”
I told him “I don’t understand the humor in finding it funny to kill small animals. Why do you find it so funny?”
He TELLS ME “Boys will be boys”
Again I repeated why it’s funny to kill these living creatures. “P”tells me “well I find it funny, and that’s your feeling, so I don’t have to change how I feel and besides they don’t have souls like us.”
He left and my nephews followed after him. “A” and my mom were also there, they were quiet. My mom speaks up to defend this man and says she hates scorpions too, I told her this was the same shit like my cousins abusive ex husband who also found it funny to watch lobsters attack each other in captivity when he worked at Ralph’s (he would remove the bands from one lobster so it could attack the others). She kept trying to defend him and “A” was still quiet, there was no point in arguing with my mom, so I just turned to “A” and repeated that this was just like DJ and the lobsters, this was a red flag and I told her I love her. I just told her it’s how I feel and she doesn’t have to listen to me but to be aware.
Am I wrong? There is a clear difference in wanting to kill scorpions and going out of your way and finding it funny and exciting to think of ways to torture and kill them.
Also the “boys will be boys” comment is disgusting and really telling of the kind of person he really is.
I want to talk to my sister after her party but I’m nervous about her taking offense. I don’t want her to stop talking to me especially if this relationship goes the way I feel it will. Am I overreacting? Or is this the red flag I see it as?
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Major red flag on this kid. Taking delight in killing anything is red hat behavior
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You are not wrong.
Scorpions in the house, hard kill them. Outside where they’re supposed to be, & purposely looking for something to kill? Very dangerous behavior.
Killing scorpions is one thing… but capturing them just to torture them and getting joy out of it is definitely something else. Dahmer vibes
Bruh, wtf. Going out of your way to capture and kill even insects “just for fun” is some future serial killer shit.
Absolutely abhorrent behavior. Sociopaths enjoy killing things.
…not wrong and what happens when this escalates to bigger animals then to harming people…this is literally the sociopathic pipe line
Why TF is your mum defending him? Is she blind?
The enjoyment of killing animals or animal cruelty is an early indicator of someone who will go on to be a child abuser, woman beater or murderer.
45% of school shooters have a history of animal abuse and 21% of serial killers have a history of animal abuse
Unfortunately when the “thrill” of small animals wears off it then turns to slightly bigger animals and then humans who are weaker than they are.
If you don’t believe me have a google, but I agree with you in that this is a huge red flag and that alone is enough to not have this person around kids
Your little sister is 22, not 15. You said your piece. Now, it’s her turn to learn from her mistakes. Let’s just hope she doesn’t make a baby with this immature idiot boyfriend.
Yip, your sister going to get a fright when he does something to her or their future kid.
Just remind your mum of how she hates scorpions when she’s at your sisters hospital bedside
Say thank you? In az we used to go out in the yard with a black light at nite to hunt. Admittedly we were in our 20s and it was fun. No one wants those in their home.. if they’re on the property they’ve done everyone a favor, esp if there are young kids or pets around.
WTAF. This is like the people around me who love to hunt and kill rattlesnakes. It is disgusting.
MAJOR red flags. Teaching kids that lack of morality too? Gonna raise little monsters if she starts a family with him. She needs to get out quick. Show her this thread if needed.
Talk to her and be casual about it. I am absolutely the type of person to do that, but at the same time, I have odd boundaries. So, it is a red flag but might not be that big of a deal, or at the very least it might not be to her?
After that it is up to you to figure out your dynamic with her if she thinks it is okay?
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“Finding joy in killing, in hurting animals are one of the signs of being a sociopath”
“Boys will be boys” is just an antiquated bullshit excuse for bad behavior. Killing a scorpion in your house that will sting someone is not terrible but finding them exclusively to kill them is twisted and cruel and those people will graduate to bigger animals and very possibly people. A desire to torture and kill animals is something that many serial killers start with. Disgusting behavior.
And that bullshit “animals have no souls” thing is a major pet peeve with me. Someone told me that in a text that was supposedly meant to offer comfort after my dog escaped and was hit by a car. I didn’t reply, I blocked them in every form that existed, despite us being friends since childhood. I don’t give a shit what book you got that noise from, I refuse to believe it.
n9
You don’t seem to understand that scorpions are dangerous
Scorpions can hurt kids and pets, in Arizona they’re a constant problem and people have pest control come once a month to kill them. It’s totally normal to go out with a black light at night to find and kill them. If it was lizards or something I’d give it to you, but scorpions are the worst. Maybe he took it too far saying it was “funny”, but I think you’re overreacting.
Not wrong. Anybody who takes pleasure in ending the life of anything, insect, animal, anything, is an ugly psychopath. I understand being afraid of something or killing something that’s on you or attacking you or even involuntarily because it scared you (i HATE spiders but i still feel wildly guilty for killing spiders i find in my house) but to go out of your way and find pleasure in it is truly unhinged behavior. Lack of empathy is a massive red flag. If you’re incapable of imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes, then you should not be a part of society.
When I was younger, I was always of the impression that if get stung by a scorpion, it’s game over, you’re dead. Guess I was wrong about that one. Still, I have more sense than to go looking for trouble and a conscience to not want to needlessly kill something.
BIG red flag, anyone who sees the humor in killing defenceless animals has no morals but to try to find worst ways to kill in just plane heartless. I would have no problem keeping them out of my life because when they get bored with small scorpions they will move on to dogs, cats, small kids.
Whose children were there? The nephews following him around? No adult said, “Hey kids, don’t go killing animals with that psychopath”? It’s not just about the scorpions (gross and scary but still living creatures who deserve respect like anything else) but I’m also thinking about those young boys. They’re being shown by the only other man (presumably) at this party that he gets to come into this family, act however he wants, and get away with murder basically. Like the women are the only ones with a possible problem but they’re just boys being boys and this is man stuff.
Those kids are probably looking up to him and felt like they had a fun time connecting with this guys over killing things. Someone should’ve stepped in and said ,”Nephews, he’s a grown man and can do what he wants but he is being highly inappropriate and you can’t follow him outside.” Or something??? Like whose kids were they??
Your sisters bf found an activity to do with your nephew and it sounds like they were having a good time. Your mother didn’t seem to mind. Dahmer was a deeply disturbed psychopath that murdered lots of people. Many boys that grew up playing outside have found some pretty creative things to do with bugs to entertain themselves, it’s not uncommon. You’re allowed to be put off by it, and you’re allowed to voice your opinion, once, and then back off.
Isn’t it interesting how so many people just try to sweep that behavior under the rug? Even in the movies we watch, they just keep pushing the violence further and further. I’m glad that you pointed this out to everyone that day. Bravo!!
Please show her this thread if she thinks you’re in the wrong. You are not alone, that’s some red flag behavior.
Sorry. You wrong. Overreact. No red flag.
You are completely right. You drove the point home though, so if you keep pushing your sister about it. It might backfire. Keep your cousins away from that weirdo
As a kid my cousins and I would go out and catch all kinds of creatures, bugs, snakes, arachnids, whatever we could get our hands on. We always released them after we looked at them. We never tortured anything, we just wanted a closer look. The boys will be boys line is BS used to cover up negative behavior.
No, you are not wrong.
No, you are not overreacting.
How would he feel if someone killed him
and then he came back as a ghost to ask why that person killed them
and the person replied:
“it’s funny, that’s your feeling, I don’t have to change how I feel, – and besides, you don’t have a soul!”?
It’s called empathy.
And just to clarify, growing up I was terrified of bugs and would kill them out of fear. I grew up. I looked up bugs and learned about them, I joined the entomology subreddit, I joined the reptiles subreddit, I EDUCATED myself. I’m not religious and I will never be, especially if this is what religion teaches. This man spouts his religious rhetoric as reason to kill. I want a world where boys don’t feel like they have to kill to feel like a “man”. I want to teach my nephews to not be complacent, my parents are too far gone and I can’t change them, nor is it my job. My nephews are young and my sister is just as important to me. I never want her to be in danger.
I’ve seen my cousins and older siblings end up in abusive relationships. I felt helpless because I understand how hard it is to leave. I avoided a relationship with a man that screamed at me for not replying to him immediately. I see this shit and I refuse to be silent.
I get that not everyone feels the same sentiment about killing bugs and critters like scorpions, I’m not judging those that react out of fear and ignorance, I get it, I was there once too. But man, you take over land that these creatures call home and get mad that they exist. Make that make sense.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
And for those who can’t read and comprehend the difference between killing out of fear or protection and going out of their way to find small animals and to inflict pain for fun, there is a HUGE difference.
I will talk to my sister. I won’t fear monger her but I will make sure she’s aware and pays attention to the potential signs of a dangerous person.
No, you are not overreacting. This is a red flag. Don’t confront in your sister, just be there for her.
Thank you for speaking up. I used to be with someone like this and not only did he kill my cat, he made a couple of attempts on my life too, all the while somehow getting everyone to defend him.
Not at all saying this is the same, just I know how much someone’s behaviour can escalate when nobody challenges it
I’m sure someone has already said this, but this is one of the signs of a violent person/serial killer. I do not trust people who find joy in killing animals AT ALL (let alone intentionally torturing them). While it may seem like something small, this is a huge red flag. Taking something’s life for no purpose other than your own enjoyment is terrifying. And around a child? This is scary. If he can do it to small animals and finds enjoyment, he can do it to “large animals” and find enjoyment.
Serial killer in training 🚩🚩🚩🚩
As a 22 year old also about to graduate college, AND already went thru the “toxic bf that my family tried to warn me about” (my situation ended in assault and restraining orders tho), pull your sister aside after and give her a hug. Let her know you and your family always want what’s best for her. If she ever needs anything or wants to talk or has relationship struggles, let her know you’re there to listen without judgment.
I’m not sure what your sister’s like, but the more my parents and friends tried to pull me away from him, the more I pushed them away. I needed to see it for myself and learn that way. It was shitty but, I learned what I needed to. You might not be able to save her from experiencing the pain or abuse but you can absolutely be there to support her when she opens up about it. This may seem harsh but this was the truth in my experience. I became defensive over my toxic partner and wanted to prove my family wrong, and lost myself in the process before I was in over my head.
There’s a belief that everything we experience in life was placed so we can learn what we need. Maybe you talking to her will be enough and she’ll bring up her own concerns. Maybe she’ll choose the same awful path I did, but I’m doing great now. About to start my PhD this fall in a new state. She will be okay❤️ you’re amazing for caring and seeing these signs. I wanted to be honest with the worst case scenario, so just check in on her if you think things ever get really bad or she stops talking to the family altogether.
ETA: you can be transparent with her about the statistics behind men who kill animals in this way. She can use her own critical thinking from there and just keep checking in on her 🙂
You’re a good brother and the bf sounds like a sociopathic creep
Who’s kids was he involving. Were their parents there? I’d be livid if this happened with my kids. What an absolute psycho
We had friends who would have a crawfish boil every May for her son’s birthday. Her son had his friends invited, of course, which included my son, same age. The last one we went to when they were about 15, one of his friends grabbed a live crawfish, tore its head off, and ran around waving it and yelling in a funny voice as if it was the crawfish trying to talk without its head. Then the kid put it on his head and continued to walk around like that. My son is very empathetic and came to us immediately, sick to his stomach.
The kid was already messed up for other reasons so we didn’t say anything, and tbh I wouldn’t have been able to say how that was any more cruel than boiling them alive. Btw, I came for the corn, potatoes, and sausage; we aren’t big on mudbugs. The kid graduated and went into the army. Probably picking off civilians.
Yo lil sis bf gon burn fasho
It’s sadistic. Simple answer. Killing a pest that is harmful , dispatching it as easily as possible is unpleasant enough, I don’t know anybody who laughs about it. Having fun this way is twisted.
People think that it comes out of nowhere when people start torturing cats and dogs. But it’s a really small step from finding insects to something larger.
Thank you for speaking up. At least you were defending them.
Wonder if he wet the bed as a kid and if he gets excited by fires? This guy sounds like a potential psychopath to me
My aunt used to do this as a child- except with pill bugs. Apparently she said she “liked the way she crunched.” She’s a full blown evangelical sociopath now. And one of the signs that most serial killers exhibited was enjoying animal torture.
I’m about to go out into my garden with a flashlight so I can drown some slugs, and i still think this is a weird thing to do.