My (36F) husband (41M) unexpectedly lost his job yesterday. It came without warning and he was not aware of any issues with his performance until he was getting fired. Unfortunately we do think there was some discrimination involved (my husband is Hispanic) but we live in an at will state. To say we were blindsided is an understatement. The situation is even worse because his job provided our home and we have a 20 month old toddler. I’ve been a SAHM since he was born.
I am overwhelmed, terrified, and depressed. Now we find ourselves starting over at 36 and 41 and I don’t even know where to start. We cut back a lot so I could stay home with our son and I’ve always gone without to make sure everyone else has what they need, but in less than 30 days we won’t have a place to live and our child won’t have health insurance.
I need to know how to start over from here. If you were starting over later in life where would you begin? Where would you go? My husband has now been burned one too many times by people in his industry and he is ready to look into something else, but doesn’t have any other experience. We will need somewhere to live. What towns are family friend with a good cost of living and some decent entry level job opportunities? We will both need to get jobs obviously so child care will be needed as well. We have nothing keeping us in the state where we currently live and we are ready to get out.
I think I am mostly feeling sad for my husband. He works his ass off 7 days a week to provide for us and then he ends up being unfairly terminated. This job was supposed to be where he retired and that was what his employer also wanted when he was hired. I am so scared. I don’t know if or how we will survive this. Any advice is appreciated.
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Backup of the post’s body: My (36F) husband (41M) unexpectedly lost his job yesterday. It came without warning and he was not aware of any issues with his performance until he was getting fired. Unfortunately we do think there was some discrimination involved (my husband is Hispanic) but we live in an at will state. To say we were blindsided is an understatement. The situation is even worse because his job provided our home and we have a 20 month old toddler. I’ve been a SAHM since he was born.
I am overwhelmed, terrified, and depressed. Now we find ourselves starting over at 36 and 41 and I don’t even know where to start. We cut back a lot so I could stay home with our son and I’ve always gone without to make sure everyone else has what they need, but in less than 30 days we won’t have a place to live and our child won’t have health insurance.
I need to know how to start over from here. If you were starting over later in life where would you begin? Where would you go? My husband has now been burned one too many times by people in his industry and he is ready to look into something else, but doesn’t have any other experience. We will need somewhere to live. What towns are family friend with a good cost of living and some decent entry level job opportunities? We will both need to get jobs obviously so child care will be needed as well. We have nothing keeping us in the state where we currently live and we are ready to get out.
I think I am mostly feeling sad for my husband. He works his ass off 7 days a week to provide for us and then he ends up being unfairly terminated. This job was supposed to be where he retired and that was what his employer also wanted when he was hired. I am so scared. I don’t know if or how we will survive this. Any advice is appreciated.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1st step is to file for unemployment while you look for jobs.
You aren’t late in life. My mother started her business at 59 and she’s a multi millionaire today. You’ve got the benefit of time. Try getting jobs with different shifts so one of you is home with children. Work seven days a week then continue to find BETTER jobs. You can do this!
file unemployment & apply for state child insurance! also since your baby is so small you can visit the health department to get vaccines, checkups and prescriptions! it should be free or at a very low cost to you guys! also apply for foodstamps, visit food banks, yes it can be embarrassing if you’ve never had to experience this but, this is what they are for!!! praying you and your family make it thought this new uncharted territory!
Anytime a minority feels hurt they say racism. It’s just noise now. Very unfortunate for those truly affected by this behaviour.
First off, this is not the end. It is a new beginning.
First, like others suggested, file for unemployment.
Your husband needs to get his resume and/or online profile updated so he can start applying to new jobs.
Consider either of you picking up a part time job in the mean time.
Look at your local community college for training programs. Talk to friends and family about possible job opportunities.
Take things one day at a time and give yourself time to breathe. I would hold off moving to another city/state unless you have a support system there or a new job.
Good luck to you.
You have plenty of time. God has another plan for your lives. Live it and accept the grace as it comes.
What type of work did your husband do?
Also, get the stuff started for WIC. It’ll give you milk, cheese, eggs, veggies and cereals (I think). Plus the counselors, potentially, can be a good resource for other assistance. All forms of assistance are in flux right now and nobody knows where it will all level our, but get on every assistance list you can.
CHiP is the national/state level health program for children. Some states allow you to use your regular pediatrician but the program covers the costs.
Section 8 is something else you want to look into. Their waiting lists are usually terrifyingly long, but sign up anyway.
If you are in Portland Oregon, and probably other states as well – I’m just more familiar with Portland thanks to my daughter – there are a few homeless initiatives that get federal funding but are also state funded that you might qualify for. No matter where you are, ask every aid agency if they know anything about homeless assistance that might be available. A lot of them require you to be within 2 weeks to a month of being completely homeless, but it doesn’t hurt to knock on the door early. Especially with a small child, more doors may be open to you.
When he applies for unemployment he can also look for training/retaining programs to help him find other work in his field. Or a new field. You, if you want, can also check with the unemployment office /workforce development department about training/retraining/skill refresher programs for yourself. They usually have childcare funds attached to their offerings so you can both have a chance to help yourselves.
Good luck. Remember to breathe! It’s kind of important. You’ve got this.
Take a deep breath, get your shoulders down. People start over all the time, heck I am starting over at 50. Things will turn out well for you two. Stay positive.
It’s not that late. I switched industries at 30 and again at 37.
File for unemployment. And both of you should start applying if you can work out child care. When my son was that age I worked part time and my husband worked full time. Things were tight but we made it work.
Apply for jobs even if you don’t match all the qualifications, if it’s stuff you can learn, apply.
I was laid off last September and I just got a new job, I’m 60 so yes it is possible and no you are not late in life to change. File for unemployment, look into services for the homeless they may be able to help find housing especially as you have a baby. You both need to update your resumes then apply for jobs. I would not look at relocating unless you have to as that will cost money. Look for jobs/ housing where you are first and take one day at a time.
Your husband was working 7 days a week and you thought it was a good idea to be a sahm? You’re in this situation because of your life choices. We would all love to be home not working but we don’t all do it for exactly this reason.
You having a career could’ve saved your family from all this bullshit so I hope quitting your job was worth it.
One of you needs to go get some kind of education. Entry level jobs are not going to pay the bills. I feel so sorry for your husband. I can not imagine letting my husband work 7 days a week so I can sit at home.
If you two get opposite shift jobs you won’t need childcare. Try finding something like that.
When doing his resume, and he should do a new one, he may find qualifications from his previous job that will carry over in some way. Or not and this could be a whole new opportunity.
Tell him to get up every day and put clothes on like he would going to work because showering and dressing will help him not get depressed.
(Not in US)
Does ‘at will’ mean that any employer in your state can fire any employee at any time (even for discriminatory reasons) without challenge? And do employees have any choice (other than move somewhere else)? Seems really like you live in 1905.
Have you visited the sub findapath ? They’re very helpful
My husband unexpectedly lost his job at the end of last year. It took him 4 months to find a new job. We survived because I also had a job. He needs to apply for unemployment and you need to find a job. In the meantime, while you’re both looking for jobs, apply for food stamps.
He will get another job.
Sounds like you are in the US. If so, call 211. It is the US National Hotline for Social Services.
It is area code driven, so the people answering know what programs/services (housing, healthcare, food security, job training) are available in your area.
Besides filing for Unemployment, check into signing up Temporary Hiring Agencies. Many companies end up hiring permanent employees from temporary agencies.
Some large retailers (Walmart, Target) may have overnight stockers, so that work for splitting the kids schedules. Might also try Amazon, FedEx or UPS, especially thei warehouse facilities.
Do people know that a state being at will doesn’t mean jack when it comes to federal anti-discrimination laws?
Hey OP, I was hit with a firing in my mid thirties that rocked me pretty good. It led me to look for more solid opportunities, which landed me a job as a carrier for USPS. It’s not easy (for the first few years) but there are jobs for this literally EVERYWHERE and starting pay is $20/hr.
If I was y’all, I’d pick a lcol area where you think you could be happy and go this route. It sounds like your husband is down to work his ass off to make your family prosperous, but you should talk to him about it as adults. You should also probably look at getting a part time job in the mean time. Fit it where you can get it!
Unemployment will also offer resources for employment and training for new positions. Good luck. Been there myself and had to start over at 55. It can be done.
This is so tough. I am sorry you are your family are going through this. But you will survive this.
There is some really good advice on this thread about unemployment and other benefits. Use them, and don’t feel ashamed. They are there for a reason.
Figure out where you want to live. I would recommend somewhere less “desirable” but with great schools and low cost of living. Many midwestern states fit the bill here. You could even consider Alaska – expensive to get there but there are always jobs and they pay you to live there.
That said, if you have family support somewhere, that might outweigh some other considerations. You two have to weigh advantages and disadvantages of your options. I think a year from now you will be in a much better situation. Best of luck.