Struggling to move on from someone emotionally unavailable. How do I actually let go and heal?

I (29F) recently ended a relationship with my boyfriend (34M) of one and a half years, and I now realize I was with someone emotionally unavailable. This was our second breakup—the first time, he reached out on my birthday after two months of silence, saying he wanted to try again, but made no promises. I took the bait because I still cared, but deep down, I knew I was doing all the emotional heavy lifting.

For a while, things seemed okay, but serious issues came up, and I was always the one reflecting, apologizing, and explaining myself. Every time I tried to express what I felt, it was met with, “you’re criticizing/triggering,” or “this isn’t even an issue.” I understood that because of his childhood trauma, he wasn’t very emotional—he was a bit distant—so I thought that’s just the way he was, and I accepted it. But all I ever wanted was to be heard and acknowledged. Eventually, he said he was tired and couldn’t keep doing this. And honestly, I was tired too—so I let go.

I asked if we could still be friends. He said “absolutely,” but then ignored my message when I reached out just to check in. After hours of silence, I called—he simply said, “I’m busy, I’ll reply later.” That hurt even more than the breakup, lol. I sent a long message explaining my side and blocked him. Then unblocked. Then blocked again. I feel pathetic.

Then I randomly came across an old Reddit post about emotionally unavailable partners, and as I read more, I realized—he ticks off most of the boxes. I feel stupid for not seeing it clearly, for dragging this relationship, for hoping, for overexplaining. I can’t stop thinking about him, even though I know he’s probably not even hurting the way I am.

How do you move on from someone who was never emotionally present to begin with? My friends say I’m brave for ending it—because they know people who stay, even when they know what they’re dealing with, and just create more chaos. There’s a part of me that feels relieved. But how do I stop waiting for closure from someone who couldn’t even offer me kindness?

Any advice or brutal truths are welcome. I just want to start healing—for real this time.

TL;DR–I (29F) ended a 1.5-year relationship with my emotionally unavailable boyfriend (34M) After a breakup and a brief reunion, I realized I was doing all the emotional work. Every time I shared my feelings, I was met with defensiveness or dismissal. He said he was tired, and so was I—so I ended it. How do I stop hoping for closure and truly move on from someone who couldn’t even offer kindness?