Hello,
(I might talk about medical issues. Soo I don’t know if that needs to have a trigger warning )
As the title says would I be the asshole if I 26f don’t take my mom 55f to a doctors appointment.
My mom has a biopsy appointment on Wednesday this week. Her blander/uterus is coming out of her vagina.
A week ago she asked what day I have off. I said Tuesday. She asked if I could switch my days off. I said no.
Last night, she asked me again if I could take her. She does not know if she could drive herself. That she has to sit in the doctor’s office for hours because of me. I told her no. My schedule is written in stone. (You can read my post about my work)
She said I did not ask them for the day off. That I should have asked.
I know my bosses. If I need the day off or need to switch I need someone to cover my shift or us pto. She knows I have asked in the past if people could cover my shift months in advance. Everyone in my department said no. I was told a week ago. I know no one will say yes.
I told her I have no pto or sick and safe leave because I used it all to try and get another job. I would be fired. I would have no job.
She told me that I don’t care if she could have cancer.
Here is how I wbta: that I could have asked to take off.
tDLR: my mom is upset I did not ask to take off on Wednesday. I am off on Tuesday. My schedule is written in stone. I have not pto or sick and leave. I would be fired
Comments
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Backup of the post’s body: Hello,
(I might talk about medical issues. Soo I don’t know if that needs to have a trigger warning )
As the title says would I be the asshole if I 26f don’t take my mom 55f to a doctors appointment.
My mom has a biopsy appointment on Wednesday this week. Her blander/uterus is coming out of her vagina.
A week ago she asked what day I have off. I said Tuesday. She asked if I could switch my days off. I said no.
Last night, she asked me again if I could take her. She does not know if she could drive herself. That she has to sit in the doctor’s office for hours because of me. I told her no. My schedule is written in stone. (You can read my post about my work)
She said I did not ask them for the day off. That I should have asked.
I know my bosses. If I need the day off or need to switch I need someone to cover my shift or us pto. She knows I have asked in the past if people could cover my shift months in advance. Everyone in my department said no. I was told a week ago. I know no one will say yes.
I told her I have no pto or sick and safe leave because I used it all to try and get another job. I would be fired. I would have no job.
She told me that I don’t care if she could have cancer.
Here is how I wbta: that I could have asked to take off.
tDLR: my mom is upset I did not ask to take off on Wednesday. I am off on Tuesday. My schedule is written in stone. I have not pto or sick and leave. I would be fired
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I don’t think you’re an asshole for just trying to protect your job, but is there a way you can help her figure out another ride?
If you know they’ll say no, is there harm in asking so you can at least tell her you asked?
Tell Mom you love her but you cannot/will not loose your job because of this. Tell her to reschedule or have someone take her and later you will pick her up.
I absolutely understand your work dynamic and the stress it would cause you to try to move your off day.
Your mother should respect your schedule and decision not to make waves. It’s a biopsy. This is not a medical emergency. She could reschedule it on your future off day if she is insistent on having you there. This is also an in office procedure that does not require sedation or a DD. If she wants you there for support she needs to support you back and reschedule on your day off.
Idk man. I gotta say YTA. Your mom could have cancer? Her bladder is falling out of her vagina? Sounds like she could use some support and having her DAUGHTER there to drive her, keep her company and hopefully reduce anxiety? I understand needing to protect your job but also I’m sure if you said “hey, I need to drive my mom who might have cancer to the hospital for a procedure” they would let you go.
Just put yourself in her shoes. Would u want her to at least try and ASK to take a day off to take you to a life changing appointment that could change the entire trajectory of her life? Empathy is nonexistent obviously
The bare minimum would have been to at least ask, and you wouldn’t do that. As a mom who would do anything for my kids, I would be incredibly hurt to not have anyone even care when facing a health crisis.
That aside, what happens if someone calls out sick? How come you and your colleagues don’t help one another out? I can’t imagine that no one can ever take a personal day ever, as everyone has a little life hit them from time to time, and you are all floundering when it is your time. Build up favors with one another.
What kind of job and hours are you working where there is no PTO or sick policy?
NTA – At all. It drives me nuts when family members do stuff like this. Yes, it’s more convenient to have a direct member take you to an appointment. But, she’s an adult and ultimately it’s her responsibility to find her way there. You’re telling me she has no other ride options at all? Are Uber or taxis options? Sometimes medical offices have handidart busses available for rides as well. Don’t feel too bad OP, you said no and she still expected you cover her ass.
NTA. You and your Mom clearly have issues that transcend this situation. She seems to expect you to sacrifice for her in a way that a child with a healthy parent/child relationship would be willing to do. You, seem to want to prioritize your needs over hers, which is perfectly normal in a scenario where you’ve been low or no contact due to her behavior. If you want to be at all helpful, pay for an Uber, Lyft, or cab.
So yeah, you didn’t even ask, so yes, YWBTA.
You only get one mom, before you know it you will have none.
Jobs do not give a fuck about you, especially telling if you asked them to take your mom to the doc for a biopsy and they say you can’t.
Unless she’s the worst mom in the world I would do anything I ever could for my mom.
Imo YATA and if you can’t muster the courage and fortitude that comes with taking a day off to help your mother you are also weak spiritually and lack empathy.
Again though, if she’s abusive or something by all means stay away.
If you are in the US, this is almost certainly covered by FMLA. I really suggest you look into it.
YTA. She’s your mom, I’m assuming she’s a good mom (if she’s not then she can go f herself an NTA) and she might have cancer. She’s going through a lot right now and may not be capable of driving herself there and back (either because of meds they give her or emotions that make it dangerous to drive.) You don’t have to drop everything and be there for her, and yes, she should have brought this up earlier if she was expecting you to drive, but the very least you could do is help her arrange a ride from someone else. Even getting her a ride share would be better than “I’m sorry you might have cancer, but this is really a YOU problem.”
YTA for not even bothering asking your coworkers.
My mum had the same symptoms november 2020, she passed from cervical cancer august 2023.
You should have at least tried.
Who else can go with her so she’s not alone?
YTA. Your turn will come when you need something.
On your deathbed will you regret not working more, or not having more time with your mother? YTA