I’ll make this short bc the story is very long!
My husband got caught cheating in 2022. Initially I thought it was emotional but come 2025 I found out it was physically. Between 2022-2023 we decided to separate but later decided to give it another shot. I found out again that the affair was continuing in 2024. By Feb 2025 he hung himself right in front of our store (if you walked past the front you’d see him hang). And guess who found him? She did after he made distress calls to her. I strongly believe it was guilt and shame to drive him to this route. Why? Bc he was having an affair with his brothers best friends wife. This friend they have known since they were children (since my husband was 5 years old).
It’s been 2 months since his passing. I’m extremely upset and in disgust. There are times that I do feel sad bc he did have some sort of mental instability during that time that just worsen. But regardless, he knew what he was doing.
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Such a silly thing to expire yourself for.. in the end none of this matters 🤷🏻♂️
Make more posts.
Did you and the mistress both attend the funeral?
Were you willing to give him another chance after finding out the affair was still going on? Why do you think he would commit suicide in broad daylight?
I’m sorry that you had to go through this much, OP🙏hope you find love again.
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We’re there signs that this was going to be this messy before any of the infidelity happened? I’m just curious if this was a 0 to 1000 situation
Holy christ. How are you managing with all of this?
Edit: thought I said “how”
Is there anything you wish you could say to him?
What the heck. Hanging in front of the store seems so movie like or just another period in time.
Are you still get mental help?
Has his family been supportive of you?
How long were you married?
I’m sorry this happened to you and your children
If he made distressed calls to her, then his decision to end his life was about her. I’m really sorry to say, but likely she rejected him and he reacted dramatically. There is probably nothing you could have done but you need to talk to her to get a clear picture.
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My boyfriend cheated on me with multiple women, at least one of them being a minor, then killed himself the day we were supposed to move in together. It’s such a strange grief, when you’re so angry but the person you’re angry about isn’t even there to be upset at.
I don’t have anything to ask, but I just want to say I wish you so much luck in your healing! You’ll come out in the end so much stronger (so cliche, but this is such a hard thing to comprehend that you really will be stronger for having dealt with it)
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Has his brother or his brother’s best friend reached out to you to check on you?
No questions but I send you my condolences for you and your kids. I couldn’t imagine your pain.
This sucks in so many levels. For everyone. I hope things are better for him on the other side.
Gosh, that really, really sucks, on so many levels. I’m glad you have had some therapy, that will help you. No question, just sending hope and strength to move on and continue to be a kickass mom to your kids. Keep moving forward into new experiences, it will be onward and upwards from here.
There’s someone who I was close with whose narrative has a similar arc and conclusion to your late husband. I don’t have any questions but now several years separated from it there is a more mellow but still resonant grief surrounding all of it, and I’m just so sorry – I know (in a sympathetic, not empathetic way) how complex it is to juggle grief along with anger, resentment, disillusionment etc.
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things that you can in the wake of what is obviously a life-altering trauma; therapy, compartmentalizing, talking about it etc. Healing thoughts and love to you and your family.
Any idea why he did that?
Wow that… That’s messed up. I am so sorry you had to go through all this. You deserved better.
I’m sorry this happened to you and your kids. As a random internet stranger, is there anything I can do to help you?
I have a two part question but I have to hear the answer to the first your first question and that’ll determine if I ask the second. Do you still love him?
Are you happier now you don’t have to deal with him anymore?
I am so sorry mate. Sending love and prayers. 💕💕
Did he have other problems/addictions I’ve known a few people who killed themselves and drugs and alcohol were always a factor
Then I can’t ask the next one cause it’s to dark humor.
This question is potentially triggering.
>!So how do you deal with the anger of him cheating and the fact that (as you assume) he died of guilt and shame because of cheating? What’s this clash like? I imagine fury, confusion, sadness, grief!<
Not a question, I hope you’re doing well
Any remote interest in the brother?
I’m not sure I have any questions, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. One thing I learned about grief is how it embeds itself in so many aspects of your life that you would never expect. And it is very hard and confusing and painful losing a loved one while also being incredibly angry. There’s so many questions unanswered, feelings left unsaid and talked through…. It’s so much more traumatic than you can expect. We all logically know grief is sad and hard. But when you’re actually in the thick of it? It’s just really hard to explain but I know you probably understand what I mean. It’s a LOT and it’s very overwhelming. And to top it off no one grieves the same and what one person needs or does can be incredibly offensive to someone else and it causes more strain and tension and anger amongst everyone grieving because it’s such an emotionally volatile “time” (in quotes because the grief doesn’t go away. We just make more space for it in our life).
I don’t want you to think I’m trying to say I know and understand how you feel. I never could. I know my own grief and that’s all and I can only imagine the pain and anguish this has brought you. I hope you have a good support system behind you and if you have ever done or choose to do any therapy, that it helps you navigate through some of these feelings that you no longer can with your husband.
Sending you peace and comfort, OP.
Hi OP,
I just wanted to comment that I am reading the book “It’s OK That You’re Not Ok” by Megan Devine, and wanted to recommend this to you. It is really helping me understand grief and how it is perceived by society, and how one can move with it, and live with it. It is a really quick read, and I think that it could possibly help you with where you are at.
I am sorry for your loss.
Do you have times when you wish you had said or done something differently to him in the 2 years pre incident? Also, how did his brother and best friend deal with all this? Genuinely curious? Have a friend whose parents did something oddly similar…
Wow, this is still really fresh and recent. I am so sorry you are going through this, it must be hell. I’m glad to hear you are getting therapy and that you have lots of support.
How are your kids handling this? I can’t imagine having to break the news to them. I can’t help but think you must be a special kind of strong. Just being able to post this AMA confirms it for me. I am wishing you peace and love OP.
I just watched “The Girl on the Train”
Do you think he was always in love with this woman? You said he’s known her basically his whole life… I also want to add that I’m so sorry for everything you and your family are going through and I will keep you in my heart and thoughts.
Cheating is often a symptom of abuse or trauma.
Was his brother angry with him? I ask because if you were in the process of divorcing him & AP’s husband left her, then there weren’t any obstacles keeping them apart anymore. He could have just taken up with her full-time & kept on trucking. I mean, he could have been despondent about losing you only it doesn’t make any sense since he wouldn’t stop the affair in order to keep you when he had the chance.
Good riddance to that garbage human.
My ex boyfriend hung himself too a few years ago, he cheated on me. Apparently he told his family he “should’ve married me” months before he died. It’s really sad, and I’ve done a lot of grieving. I also got sober 3 days after he died, and now I’m 6 years sober. Sorry OP.
I’m so sorry this happened. Did he ever show signs?
Do you think he was feeling shame and guilt bc of who the mistress was or because of how it affected you, your kids, your marriage?
Do you know what he said during the distress call to her in those last moments?
I dont have a question, but wanted to offer my most sincere condolences to you. I lost my daughter and her dad to suicide recently and I understand the complexity of this type of grief. I wish you peace.
I’m very sorry for the way your husband died. My former boss died under similar circumstances. He went through a very stressful time and had an affair with a co-worker. They were found out. He committed suicide instead of facing the shame, guilt, and consequences. I still feel awful for his family. His wife and children had to bury him under a cloud of grief and gossip. I chose to focus on the wonderful leader that he was…but I have the luxury of not being his family. It just sucks that he left such a mess behind.
Did you ever talk to his mistress?
So sorry for your loss and the burden of your children’s loss. Sending love.
Why did he call her to find him
It wasn’t suicide.
Sorry to hear about all the hardships of your life. Nothing sounds easy for you.
How old are you? Or what age range you’re in?
Did the brother’s best friend ever divorce the wife?
Omg, this story is exactly like friends of my parents. He cheated on her and then she found out and that he committed suicide. She was barely hanging on mentally before that, so this sent her right off the edge.
I husband cheated on me for our entire relationship and now that I know I told him I want a divorce. Now he keeps saying he’s going to off himself. After reading this thread, I’m more scared than I was prior. I didn’t realize how often this actually happens in these types of situations. I know it can happen to anyone but I’ve just been thinking he’s just trying to manipulate me to take him back. I’m not sure if I’d recover isle he followed through. I’m sorry for everyone’s loss on here.
r/survivinginfidelity
congratulations, OP. the trash took itself out.
Sorry for you and especially your children. They will not understand and only feel the pain. I hope for all of your sakes that you find peace.
He’d obviously lost interest in you. Did you put effort into your marriage? Did you show him affection before he started the affair. If both parties don’t make an effort, the breakdown of the marriage is inevitable.
Why marry in the first place? Why do you feel that you need the government or a religious body to verify your relationship?
How did you find out that your husband was cheating? And how did you find out the second time around? Was he careless or extra secretive?