My partner and I had twins in February. We’re currently living in her parents’ neighboring house because they acquired it after the neighbor passed away, and we’re renting/renovating it with them. We have set clear boundaries that we don’t want surprise visitors, and we would like it if they only came over once or twice a week so we can have some privacy.
Today, my partner’s dad texted her while she was trying to nap, letting her know that her grandmother (his mother) had shown up at their house unannounced. We appreciated the heads-up, and she continued with trying to rest, as the twins were finally fed, changed, and no longer being fussy. About 10-15 minutes later, her phone starts ringing, and I see it’s her dad. I answered, and he let me know her grandma and grandpa were walking over. I told him I would turn them away, as everyone was finally sleeping and it wasn’t a good time. He said “You shouldn’t do that, because it will start a fight.” I said “Oh well, it’s not a good time.”
Her grandparents rang the doorbell twice during that phone call, almost back to back, waking her and one of the boys up. I told her to just keep sleeping, I’ll deal with it. I answered the door, and her grandma could tell I was exhausted, because she asked if we were sleeping. I said “Yes, we all are.” She said “Too bad,” and tried stepping towards the door. I pulled it shut a little more so it was barely open enough for me, and told her “No. It’s not a good time. They haven’t been sleeping good, and I don’t want them waking up since they’re finally asleep.” She pretended she was ok with it, and parted ways.
A few minutes later, my partner called her dad with the boys screaming in the background, telling him we turned them away. He did what he usually does when he’s mad, and kept giving short, one or two word replies. Then, after she was done talking, he blew up, talking about how he’s going to have to deal with her grandma being pissed off now, and saying something like “I might as well fucking broadcast your damn rules to everyone to not show up unless they call ahead!” along with some other stuff I didn’t catch, as I was in the other room. She started crying, said bye while he was still yelling, and hung up.
Now I feel like I shouldn’t have told her grandparents to come back another day, because her dad apparently can’t deal with his mother’s (or his own) emotions, and it would’ve been easier to just deal with them coming in and disturbing the peace that we had just managed to establish. So, AITA for turning them away? Should I have just dealt with them coming in for a little while?
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My partner and I had twins in February. We’re currently living in her parents’ neighboring house because they acquired it after the neighbor passed away, and we’re renting/renovating it with them. We have set clear boundaries that we don’t want surprise visitors, and we would like it if they only came over once or twice a week so we can have some privacy.
Today, my partner’s dad texted her while she was trying to nap, letting her know that her grandmother (his mother) had shown up at their house unannounced. We appreciated the heads-up, and she continued with trying to rest, as the twins were finally fed, changed, and no longer being fussy. About 10-15 minutes later, her phone starts ringing, and I see it’s her dad. I answered, and he let me know her grandma and grandpa were walking over. I told him I would turn them away, as everyone was finally sleeping and it wasn’t a good time. He said “You shouldn’t do that, because it will start a fight.” I said “Oh well, it’s not a good time.”
Her grandparents rang the doorbell twice during that phone call, almost back to back, waking her and one of the boys up. I told her to just keep sleeping, I’ll deal with it. I answered the door, and her grandma could tell I was exhausted, because she asked if we were sleeping. I said “Yes, we all are.” She said “Too bad,” and tried stepping towards the door. I pulled it shut a little more so it was barely open enough for me, and told her “No. It’s not a good time. They haven’t been sleeping good, and I don’t want them waking up since they’re finally asleep.” She pretended she was ok with it, and parted ways.
A few minutes later, my partner called her dad with the boys screaming in the background, telling him we turned them away. He did what he usually does when he’s mad, and kept giving short, one or two word replies. Then, after she was done talking, he blew up, talking about how he’s going to have to deal with her grandma being pissed off now, and saying something like “I might as well fucking broadcast your damn rules to everyone to not show up unless they call ahead!” along with some other stuff I didn’t catch, as I was in the other room. She started crying, said bye while he was still yelling, and hung up.
Now I feel like I shouldn’t have told her grandparents to come back another day, because her dad apparently can’t deal with his mother’s (or his own) emotions, and it would’ve been easier to just deal with them coming in and disturbing the peace that we had just managed to establish. So, AITA for turning them away? Should I have just dealt with them coming in for a little while?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I turned away a surprise visit from my partner’s grandparents when she and our newborn twins were finally resting, and I wonder if maybe having them come in for a few minutes would’ve been the better choice to prevent a bunch of family drama that’s about to ensue.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
“I might as well fucking broadcast your damn rules to everyone to not show up unless they call ahead!” Yup. NTA.
NTA. People should call ahead and see whether it is a good time for a visit, not just provide a heads up and presume permission to visit.
The more respectful that the parents and grandparents are now, the more inclined you might be to cut them some slack later on, but if they start off being rude, they won’t get that grace.
And the way the grandmother said “too bad” and preceded to try to walk in? Nope! NTA.
NTA. You have reasonable rules. They should be broadcast.
If you don’t enforce the rules, they’re not rules. Don’t make an exception for grandma, or she’ll always expect to be an exception.
You were right to set and enforce your boundaries. You’re dealing with boundary stompers, so it will get worse before it gets better, unfortunately. Learning how not to cave when someone throws a tantrum will hold you in good stead with your twins.
NTA.
NTA
Waking up one sleeping baby is bad, but two? You should be the one getting mad.
BTW, it’s relatively simple to disconnect the doorbell or even put in a switch to turn it on/off. It’s a blessing sometimes.
Well you know where FIL learned his behavior, just like his mom. Send out a broadcast to all family, we are dealing with newborn twins. Visitation is by advance notice only. Anyone who arrives without requesting a visit will be turned away at the door. Depending on your mood you can add something about time out for drop in guests. Add dealing with twins is difficult and exhausting as a family our children needs come first. Optional and we don’t have the bandwidth to deal with people who cause issues for us because they couldn’t text about a possible visit. Let FIL pout and disconnect your doorbell ( we did this) and put up a sign babies sleeping DO NOT KNOCK! NTA congratulations and invite over relatives/friends that will cook, clean and help with laundry, it’s wonderful as a parent you enjoy sharing your children either helpful people and it pisses off more toxic relatives.
NTA. Maybe you should go over there one day at 3 am and ring the doorbell. If they complain, well, they should have broadcast that rule to everyone.