I’m 35 (36 in June). Since I was 19 I’ve been doing fencing sub contracting/ gates + automation.
I’ve never loved the job. It pays the bills and gets us by but I’m by no means satisfied.
I have an amazing wife and 3 beautiful daughters at home that rely on me so I sort of feel trapped to continue what im doing. A new job means a pay cut (more than likely) which means their lifestyles will suffer because of my decisions. It’s so hard.
The hardest part is, no matter how much i try, i cannot for the life of me figure out what I actually want to do career wise.
I have so much pent up motivation and drive to achieve great things but I have no direction to focus it. It’s torturous.
Has any one else felt like this? Did you figure it out? I’m so lost at the moment and feel like I’ll have a meltdown if I continue down the same path. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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The way I read it, you know what your dream job is, but you don’t know how to get it?
What’s your dream job? Someone here might be able to share some insight.
Get a hobby.
With enough motivation you can turn anything into a fulfilled career. So many people look for something. What they are looking for not for specific job, career or path. What they looking for is mastery or what Nietzsche call will to power.
I have seen some tests that ask you very broad questions about your interests, what you like/don’t like, what you are good at/not good at and from there, make suggestions about what career areas might be of interest to you. Maybe try some of those to give you some ideas.
It used to be u chased a fulfilling job because it didn’t matter what u worked. U could support a family. I bet u know fulfilling jobs but it’s hard to support a family with one. The business model nowadays hasn’t changed but the worth of our money has dropped significantly. The only way I see out of this is to start your own business because current businesses aren’t adapting
Couple of suggestions as I’m going through something similar myself. Read the book ‘The Good Enough Job’ I’m about half way through, it’s an easy read and very insightful, less about telling you what to do rather learning from the stories of others, I can’t recommend it enough.
I would also use AI to do a career deep dive, list the positions you’ve held, what you liked and didn’t like and use that to either pursue a new role or a hobby. AI will help make suggestions, collate your skills and overall help give some focus.
Many will tell you to stick your job and money is money, and that’s true, but we work almost 40 hours a week, if you hate it and it’s draining why carry on for potentially 30 more years? Just remember it’s your decision at the end of the day, others can guide but it’s your life.
I hope you find your direction, I have a few more suggestions so feel free to DM me if you’d like any other tips, as I say I’m going through this myself right now and have spent a considerable amount of time and resources into figuring out who I am
you need time to figure it out, I’m in the same position, I was forced to have a one year leave and it’s been helpful to just be for to yourself, no idea how to do that in other way
I wouldnt fixate on trying to find a dream job so much as a job that doesnt drive you crazy.
Figure out what you hate about your current job, what skills/value you can provide, and see what kind of jobs can use your skills without driving you crazy.
Also might be worth really interrogating exactly what you hate about your job. Maybe its not the work so much as your manager/company. Maybe its a mindset issue. I dont love my job but it ticks a lot of boxes and I have learned to just grit my teeth and bare it. It’s work after all.
What are the skills that you have that with some study and a qualification would pay better.
As a fencing contractor you have, I’m assuming run crews of guys, so any job where “cat herding” is an important skill.
But I am also thinking about landscape design?
Could you afford to reduce your hours to say, 3 days per week and study part time. Being a mature aged student was one of the hardest things I ever did. But also more fun than a grown man ought to be allowed to have. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
I would suggest that you simply start by looking at a “bridging course” which will teach you all the skills you need to be a successful student. The learning curve obw a lot less steep in your course of study if you start with a bridging course.
You’re doing it wrong, work to live not life to work. Work funds what brings you joy, work isn’t supposed to be what makes you happy.
Find something with your free time that makes you happy outside of your family and work.
Make a financial plan to understand what you’re really on the hook for as a provider. Not exact same but we figured out my wife could take a few years off without impacting our financial goals too much. Eg what do you want your family to have – paid off house, college fund, etc – and how long do you need to grind to get that? Then you can at least work towards a set goal when you can pump the breaks
Maybe that’s not a possibility but at least you can see hey every day I do this is x% closer to what we want
I think the greatest lie our generation was sold was that work would lead to fulfillment or purpose. I decided a few years that work would not be where I find fulfillment in life. My job pays the bills and then some. It is 9-5 and once I leave the office my time is mine and to me that is the most important thing. And a decent amount of PTO. I find fulfillment in loving my wife, family, and friends, volunteering, and my hobbies.
You are not your job. Try to not identity by what it is you do to make a living.
What would you do if you didn’t have to work? Is there a career path that runs parallel to that?
Starting with a hobby is a good suggestion someone else made.
Life outside work is for fulfillment. That costs money. Job provides the money.
You NEVER want to be in the place where work is your primary source of personal fulfillment because you’re never in control of your employment. Don’t give an employer that kind of control over you. You have no reason to trust them. Work is for money. No loyalty, no fulfillment.
Get fulfillment from friends, family and yourself. In other words, people you can trust and who support your needs.
Put that drive into your family or hobbies. I don’t mind my job. And find it enjoyable most days. But I don’t get fulfillment from it. But I do from other aspects of my life.
The mid life crisis hits when you realise you will never be fulfilled and life is just suffering.
Then you buy an expensive car because when you drive recklessly or get people to look at your vehicle you can forget you’ve doomed your offspring to the same pointless and unfulfilling existence for a bit.