I’m a teenager and I’m having a hard time figuring out my true identity and who I want to be. I feel lost and I don’t know how to find myself, I feel like I crave external validation so much I change myself into who I want others to be but even when I’m not i feel like I’m betraying my true self, when I don’t even know what my true self is. Is your identity something you cultivate or is it something you find? I just need help :/
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When I was your age I thought my true self was going to be just one thing that stayed the same thing forever once I figured it out. Now as an adult I realize I’ll actually be changing right up until I die and that it’s pretty cool I’ll never be “done” – growing, learning, exploring, improving. What hasn’t changed are my values. Think about your values and what’s really important to you, stay true to those, and don’t be afraid of change and trying new things. It sounds like making decisions for yourself and not being overly influenced by others is important to you – you don’t have to be 100% set in your identity to do that! You can hold that as a value and explore new things in a self directed way, not based on the whims of the people around you.