This is a throwaway account because I need to confess something I’ve carried with me for a long time. I’m 23F, and this is a secret I thought I’d take to the grave. During a tough phase in my long-distance relationship, I developed a strong crush on someone at my workplace. My boyfriend is a truly loving and caring person, and I never physically cheated. But I did feel a deep attraction toward this other person, and I ended up masturbating a couple of times thinking about them.
It’s something I’ve always felt ashamed of, even though I never crossed any lines physically. The emotional guilt, though—it still haunts me. I made the mistake of sharing this with a friend I trusted back then, thinking it would help me cope. We’ve since lost touch, and now I’m terrified that it might come up again someday, or that someone else might find out. It’s a constant fear in the back of my mind.
I know some people would say it wasn’t cheating, but to me, it feels like a betrayal of someone who has always been nothing but good to me.
I don’t think he could handle knowing this, and I don’t think I could forgive myself if it ever hurt him. I wish I could go back and erase the whole thing. I just feel so guilty.