me (F18) a couple days after i turned 18 i got tinder.
there was this boy i matched with named ben (fake name for this story) he liked me so i liked him back, he messaged me a tiny paragraph saying what he does for work and what his daily life is, i hadn’t gone on any tinder dates before and i said it was pretty late and he said “ill make it worth it“ and how we could grab drinks and talk.
i finally said”okay, come get me” and i don’t drive so 😀 he picked me up in his super cool lifted truck and it was loud and it was adrenaline rushing, i really like it we didn’t have a plan where to go so we drove around and then he asked if it was okay to stop at a gas station and i said okay yeah and he started making out with me and touching me and at first i was a little uncomfortable and i broke what was happening with well where are we gonna go? so we continued to drive for a bit and then we were talking and we stopped at a different gas station almost 20 mins later and he got out with me and he bought me a redbull and he got a drink too, we sat in his truck talking about our lives and it was nice i really got to know him. Ben and me were making out and he asked me to go farther and i really was mad at my ex who i just got broken up with. i let him go farther. then he had to take me home because he had work really early but before that he let me try and drive his truck with a clutch but it started going backwards (mind you i am 18 and no one has ever taught me to drive before and it was a memorable moment. he then took me home and dropped me off the next morning my tinder account is completely glitched and not letting me text and im crushed thinking ill never see him again.
weeks go by and i have a new tinder account and he just so happened to show up on my tinder and i super liked him because i thought about him everyday and i was so sad that i thought we were meant to be. he texted me a couple mins after saying “Heyy” i said hi omg and explained what i thought about my tinder glitching and how i was looking for him. i said i miss him and how i wanted to see him again and he said i miss you too, i told ben i wanted to see him again and he said i wanna see you too. btw this man had short- term fun in his bio but he never said if he ONLY did one night stands to me. we ended up hanging out that night and he said he wanted to choose what i wore so i was told to wear leggings and a top, i got in his car and i was like i thought about you everyday and i asked him what i thought had happened and he said “i thought you went your own way off the app”we ended up hanging out that night and doing it, but his car belt was broken down and he made me help him fix it and it was a lot of work. and i gave him my number when we matched the 2nd time bc i was scared my tinder was gonna glitch again and he didn’t even start to text my number he kept texting my tinder. i assume he only does one night stands but this really stung and i don’t understand.
i woke up the next morning and i was blocked. but i never did anything wrong or say anything bad. he also hit me the 2nd time and it really ruined what i thought we could have had. i cried so hard the first time when he blocked me. i wish he was a better person.
TL;DR.
i should have seen that he had short term in his bio and not have thought about him everyday. and looked for him while swiping on tinder after our first hangout.
Comments
Honestly, treat it as a learning experience. And don’t let yourself get into a relationship where physical violence is a thing. It never ends well.
i feel like i just read an excerpt from a william faulkner novel
Lesson learned? Bios usually have some grain of truth to them, usually around what they’re looking for (fling/st/lt/etc), most everything else is a lie from what I’ve seen. Good luck out there and maybe be a little more selective?
I’m sorry! It sounds like you had one pretty fun date and one date you were excited about … until … he hit you during sex and then never contacted you again? (Am I reading that right?)
That really sucks. And IMO it’s a pretty big consent violation to get into rough play (or whatever) without a discussion first.
I wish I could promise you that you’ll never meet an ass like that again … the truth is, you probably will. But most people you meet will not be asses like that. And you’ll get better at spotting some red flags.
Related to him blocking you when you were hoping for something more … especially if you’re using apps, I think it’s a really good idea to decide in advance what you’re up for and do your best to stick to that. If you’re okay with just a hook up—fantastic! Get it! If you’re okay with a hook up but hoping for something more—also fine! But if you’re in a position where you think “if this guy and I hooked up, and then I never saw him again, I would feel used/upset” … then that’s probably something you’ll really want to make sure to communicate.