I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. We live together, we laugh a lot, we’ve built a quiet little life. But one thing has always weighed on me: he’s never said “I love you.”
He shows it, sure in his actions, his care, the way he brings me soup when I’m sick or watches terrible reality shows just to sit close. But he’s never said it. And maybe words shouldn’t matter so much, but for me, they do.
Last week, I had a migraine and went to bed early. He thought I was asleep. I felt him crawl into bed, his arm wrap around me. Then, very softly, he whispered, “I love you. I’m just scared to lose you if I say it.”
I froze.
He didn’t know I heard. I didn’t move. I wanted so badly to respond to hold him, to tell him I felt the same but something in me said to stay still.
And now I can’t stop thinking about it. Do I bring it up? Do I wait for him to say it when he’s ready? Was that the most honest moment we’ve had or the most heartbreaking?
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I would 100000% not bring it up. Give him the space he needs to feel safe enough to say it, don’t force a conversation he isn’t ready to have. You got the “I love you” anyway and in a very, very intimate way, cherish it!
I think you should maybe write to him a letter. I know it sounds old, but it’s on your mind and has been for a while. Don’t bring up that moment, though.
He probably has some lingering issues with the concept of professing his love, perhaps even trauma from it and is scared to love someone even though he can not deny he loves you. You know he loves you, and if he isn’t abusive with his trauma then take this private admittance as a gift. Also I am so fucking jealous 😭😭😂😂
Please don’t bring it up. Be glad that you got to be part of this ‘quiet’ kinda love, which is perhaps also the strongest kinda love as it exists on its own, without the need to be seen but only to be felt. There is no search for validation, only a sense of companionship.
It could’ve been worse. He could have farted at you thinking you were asleep
I understand that words are important, language is one of the central passions of my life. But showing someone you love them takes so much more effort and generosity and commitment than saying it. Your relationship sounds wonderful.
You’re about to fxck up a good(possibly great) thing because you can’t stand the fact that his ACTIONS speaks LOUDER than words… RIP your relationship… you just proved that some people will never truly be satisfied!
Two years without actually saying it tho is crazy..
I’m in tears op this is so fucking sweet, your comments are so sweet, he’s so sweet, YALL ARE ROTTING MY TEETH 🥹 how precious to have such a sweet love
Just out of curiosity, have you told him “I love you”? And if so how does he respond? And if not why not
Yeah, I agree that there is no need to bring it up. I feel if you do it will follow his belief it will end. Enjoy your relationship because it seems he is a really good boyfriend! He maybe is very careful but it comes from a place where he probably wasn’t treated well by women or parents, so please let him be. You know how he feels and be happy for that. I think that actions can speak louder than words, so I rather be with someone who can show me than say it, but it is ultimately your decision what you will do.
I couldn’t imagine two years without hearing an, “I love you’. Girl you have some patience. I get that love is shown in action too, I do, but I need to hear it once in a while. I’m glad you finally did hear it.
I’d have probably ruined everything by telling him I loved him too. Two years!
Some insights from someone who’s been in your position for nearly 7 years…leave it alone. Not once has my husband uttered those words to me and it’s truly freeing.
Every woman he’s said it to, has left him for someone else.
In my head, he treasures me so much that he can’t dare to say it in fear of losing me. He shows me every day how much he values me and our relationship.
Make peace with it and accept his love the ways he feels comfortable showing it.
Alright, let me take a crack at this one lol.
My husband and I have been together for about 7 years now. The number of times we’ve SAID we loved each other I can maybe count on one hand (usually in emotionally stressful situations, reassurance)
I never really grew up with parents who said it to each other, and it was just his mom raising him and his brothers.
I much prefer to put stuff in writing. However, we did discuss it one day, because I wasn’t sure if it bothered him. In my mind, we’ve already established how we feel about each other. I know I love him, he knows I love him, and vice versa.
Deep down, I can sympathize with your partner. I can tell my friends I love them quite freely, but with my husband I get a bit scared. Because I know if I lose my friends, it would suck, but I would survive. But if I lost him, it would absolutely fricken wreck me. Which makes you think we’d exchange “I love you’s” even more 😭😂
It’s okay to feel weird about it. Maybe one day sit him down for a chat and let him know you heard him, and that you love him too. Figure out from there what type of verbal reassurance you need in your relationship!
I wish you nothing but the best
Op keep it to yourself. Marinate/bask in it. Not all things should be a discussion point.
We’re not all the same. I would rather a man show through his actions that he loves me than have him saying it all the time but his actions show the opposite.
He was probably just talking to the picture of Charlie Sheen he had pulled out from his pocket. I’d think nothing of it.
Sounds AI…
Lmao some fake ass AI posts today
How about you tell him you love him, eh?
Why are people giving you the worst advice? Definitely bring it up in conversation, communication is key
That dude has been through something. That’s a trauma response to see the words “I love you” as a hand grenade.
Gotta give him space to get there. If he’s whispering it, he’s closing in on it.
Reading all your responses has brought me so much peace. I didn’t expect this much support, and I truly appreciate every word. I’ve decided not to rush anything not him, not myself. That quiet “I love you” was real, and maybe that’s what love looks like for now. Gentle. Growing. A little scared, but still trying. And honestly, I’m okay with that. Thank you for letting me share something so raw. I needed it more than I realized.
Oh I love this so much.
AI slop although I’m 90% sure.
The way the sentence is structured and the way the story is told. Common AI.
Damn, two years to say “I love you is craaaazy!” Good on y’all for building the life you have.