i was drinking with my older sister one night, we don’t see each other very often since she lives in another city so i went to visit her and have a night out.
while drunk my sister had asked “do you remember when you had those dreams of me covering your mouth and nose?”
that question scared me because how did she know about that?
when we were kids i kept dreaming she was suffocating me in my bed and her hands were over my face. i always woke up crying and couldn’t be consoled. i even remember being terrified of my sister at one point because those dreams felt too real.
so i nodded, she started crying and held my cheeks, staring at me. “that wasn’t a dream. i’m sorry, it wasn’t a dream. i’m sorry.” she kept repeating that so many times i started shaking. she then told me she was suicidal at that time because of how our parents and the adults in our lives were treating her, she was scared they’d treat me like that too so she tried to take me with her.
now that night passed we haven’t said anything about our conversation. i feel that fear all over again as i didn’t think i’d ever think about those dreams again. yet, i feel so bad i didn’t know about how she was feeling when we were kids..
idk what to do.
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What happend to your sister?
Wow… this is honestly above Reddit’s pay grade. I’d recommend therapy for both of you.
Sounds like this has really bothered her for a long time. Has she gotten therapy since this happened? If not she should consider doing so.
I feel like she’s given the reasoning but maybe a sober Convo would help? Personally I would need a follow up conversation after having some time to process that revelation.
Can I be honest with you. Just schedule an appointment with a relationship therapist. Just trust me, you’ll be protected under the HIPAA Policy. If you don’t know what it is, look it up. Relationship therapy is about working on negative factors related to your relationship with someone. Not only that, helping you learning how to “communicate” while stomping out potential fire. I think that the best way to explain it. In this case, you can better understand why your sister did it and learning how to communicate your feelings and working through it not just with your sister but with yourself to arrive to the conclusion that you need or “waiting” till you are ready to embrace that conclusion. But yeah this is definitely above reddit’s pay grade and I don’t wanna say anything that is dangerous for you to take and apply to your personal life. Reddit is not the right place to seek advice to your circumstance. I’m really sorry that you’ve experience this and same for your sister as well.
We’re in no correct answers territory now, people.
You need to talk to a professional about this.
Therapy is what both of you need, not Reddit…. I don’t even know what to say…
If I were you, no force in this universe would hold me back. My fists would start flying, and then I would go fully no contact until the day I died.
As everybody in this thread has said, it’s above our pay grade. That said, personally, I’d just try to forgive it and move on. It was the act of (what sounds like) a confused, abused child miscalculating empathy. She obviously feels deep regret. She didn’t do it out of curiosity or malice. Sounds like it’s def worth the both of you talking to somebody, but I personally wouldn’t see this as something that you should be concerned about moving forward, other than being concerned over your upbringing and the actions that led her to that place.
Holy shit. Therapy, immediately
im sorry to hear this, but seriously…. This is a professional-grade problem
Something somewhat similar happened to me. When I was 3-4 years old my brother (2.5 yrs older) strangled me until I passed out several times, because he thought it was fun. Our father was eventually able to intimidate him into stopping. I don’t know why, but it doesn’t bother me much. But I haven’t forgotten it and the hill I will die on is my conclusion that my brother is a sociopath. I have no doubt that your sister’s confession is, to say the least, jarring. I’m sure there are other feelings too. It might take several days to really understand how you’re feeling so just try not to do anything permanent for a few days. For what it’s worth, you have my sympathy.
Just talk to her about
No correct answers. But here’s a suggestion, if you have a healthy relationship with your sister, if you two in general feel comfortable talking to each other about stuff… Then I’d talk to her about it. Ofc this is no general chit chat and it’s going to be uncomfortable even with a healthy relationship. But uncomfortable is not bad, sometimes it’s a sign that something is worth doing. Having this conversation while sober, could be a really therapeutic experience for the both of you. It could bring you guys together even more. And it could help you understand your childhood better, yourself in general, and it could help to appease your inner child’s questions. It could help your sister to get it off her chest (sober) and to have this talk with you, it could help her to talk about her side of what was happening at the time, it could give her the opportunity to grow past the guilt she’s felt about it ever since, it could really lift a weight off her shoulders… It could be liberating for her.
Start the conversation gently, give her an easy way to not have the conversation if she doesn’t want to (if either of you don’t want to have the conversation, forcing it will be bad for both of you) say something along the lines of “hey, I don’t know if you remember what we spoke about when we were drunk the other night. If it’s okay with you I’d like to talk more about it?” Make sure you have a gentle, empathetic tone of voice when saying this. Have a subject change at the ready in case she doesn’t want to talk about it, as that can be a painfully awkward moment. If she says no for whatever reason, be ready to say “okay well if that changes please let me know.” And then enact the subject change, a few examples could be “hey remember when (insert happy shared growing up memory or experience” or “what did you think of the (insert shared interest, the game last night, the episode of a TV show you both like etc).
So I read your comment hinting at your sisters experiences. It sounds like in her misguided and childlike logic she was trying to protect you.
Was she wrong?! Yes, most definitely and it would not be out of the question to talk to your sister and see a therapist of some sort about this situation either on your own or together with your sister
….oh my god. yea, this broke me. please find professional help, both of you.
this must be fake lmao.
If this was real even as a kid, how tf do you get back to sleep after that, or even better how tf do you not tell it’s real. You would be able to get up, check the time, anything at all to know it’s real.
If it was a one time thing fair enough but for it to happen more than once… yeah, no.
If anyone’s going to say “oh she must’ve got knocked out and thought she was asleep”, that is INSANELY hard to do even if you tried to do that perfectly, life isn’t a videogame. But to say a child did this consistently lmao, what a joke.
Go to a therapist ASAP. Both of you need therapy
I’m sorry that happened to you, I highly recommend going to therapy and suggest it to her as well. I don’t think only Reddit will heal you, this is a deep issue and I assure you paid professionals can help a lot better.