I (16F), have spent my entire life in India, and I’ve hated all of it. The noise, the pollution, the lack of personal space, it wears me down every single day. And I know I’m privileged to even say that, but knowing there’s a world out there where life could be different makes it so much worse.
The women around me, my own mother included, spend their lives being treated like outsiders in their own homes. I can’t walk down the street without fearing rape. And I’m lesbian. My parents might support me (They watched that one gay movie in like 2019) but at what cost? Their social rejection? Even with them on my side, what future can I build here? I want a wife and kids someday, but that’s impossible in a country where people like me are invisible.
The education system here is a nightmare. Before 11th grade, everything was about rote learning, memorization and control in the name of discipline, After that? It’s all about college enterance exams. Nothing else exists. I’m less of a person and more of a machine. I used to enjoy reading and writing, but when I try to imagine something, barely anything comes out.
People say, “Just study abroad!” like it’s that easy. We’re not rich. And even if I somehow get a job abroad and ake it, what then? Being brown in a white country, starting from zero, without any support systems? My mother’s already making comments about finding me a husband by 25. Even if I come out and avoid that, what future will I have?
I know I have it better than so many. My parents might actually accept me, they love and support my education,but I can’t help but wish I was born abroad. I often use Google Street View to imagine life somewhere else, but whenever I close the tab, and cry. Everything is taking a toll on my mental health, and I don’t know how to cope with this feeling of being stuck.
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Yeah i understand what you mean, india is not the best place to be born in but its also not the worst place.
The cons outweigh the pros but there are worse places out there.
And immigration wont really solve anything, once you leave india and go somewhere else you will realise that rest of the world hate Indians. They will not treat you the same.
There is no solution here, but living abroad is definitely better than living in india.
Study hard and apply for scholarship and leave
Get out of there. The things I’ve read about India and their treatment of women breaks my heart. Make it your life’s purpose to get the hell out of there. Racism sucks but for example, there are plenty of Americans who are not racist, and you just find those people and stay away from the close minded. My first friend was a little Vietnamese girl in 1st grand named Thuy-Ahn. There is a huge variety of cultures here and we are used to it. No ones going to look at you funny.
I’m sure there are others like you. Eventually you’ll find them and you can support each other, having friends who understand you will make life so much easier. Even if you don’t move abroad there are small communities of people who are like you everywhere, even in India. Especially in India since the social rules are so strict. There are other people who don’t fit in and really need alternative ways of living
You are 16 so you are very young. I had very similar thoughts at your age (though i am not from india, i also wanted to live somewhere else and i was not rich at all). You still have plenty of opportunities you haven’t even realized yet. There are plenty of succesful indian people around the world, even indian self made billionaires who live in western countries.
If you think hard enough you will find a path to get out of india. Nowadays there are many types of businesses that can be done online, where your location really doesn’t matter much. (i won’t get into any specific business details). When you find an income that allows you to be remote, then you can live anywhere you want. You can do it. And don’t listen to people who tell you it’s not possible.
Finally someone who talks about the difficult sides of Indian culture.
Westerners often still have that image of that peaceful, colorful country that they associate Bollywood, Yoga and Curry with.
Don’t get me wrong India has some awesome cultural gems but the biggottry in hindiusm alone makes my toenails curl. Of course not every hindu is violent put some parts of hinduism are inherently violent, the classification of people, how women are treated and so on.
You can stay knowing that the probability of your future there is higher for what your predict, or you can start now to take risks in another place where many people like you have been thriving as much as people have suffered racism prejudice.
There is no way it is going to be easy in ANY PLACE. No path is easy.
Choose your battle.
I relate to you so much. I’ve been giving competitive exams and giving all these exams just made me realize what a shit country India is. So much competion and for what? So we can work like laborers for big companies while they make all the money? Return on these trashy pothole ridden roads to our tiny apartment that we cannot afford? Whats the point? I lived in US from 10-15 and those were the best years of my life only because the studying pressure wasn’t THIS much. This much is not normal. It’s not normal to study like a dog for these rote Learning exams. There should be extra cirriculars, hobbies should be cultivated. I mean I had dance, Chinese, and drama class in high school! What a shitty system to live in.
We have decent sized Indian population/ multiculturalism etc here in Australia.
Can you/your family immigrate here?
There’s still racism etc but most people are pretty nice.
Just avoid the Bogans(rednecks) as much as you can.
I will not give advice like other people here who have hardly tried to immigrate. It’s always hard.
Try to find your community that will support you and allow you to escape from daily problems. I don’t know how things are with the LGBT movement in India, but I believe there are people who can give you care and validation of feelings. With the support of your friends, you will have more strength and hope to study and work hard to decide where you want to go in the future. It will take time, maybe years, but never despair and move step by step towards your goal.
I’m really sorry that women in India go through this. Offtopic, but when you bring this up in other subreddits you get accused of being ignorant and prejudiced. People don’t want to face reality?
How are you getting your perspective? You’ve spent your entire life in India but you want for the “better” part of the world where there is less noise, pollution, and more personal space?
India is a very big country, dear. There aren’t parts of India with less noise, pollution, and more personal space?
Hi OP
I’m not really in your situation, but like you, I don’t like my country. At all. I was very unhappy to be there. I’m not per se an expatriate, as I am not a stable resident of a specific place, but I spend a lot of effort being as little in my country as possible. And yes I’m happier. Much.
In my (kind of) expat experience, I encountered TONS of people that arbitrarily decide that leaving the country isn’t a solution. For no real reason. They just decide that it’s not. Or consider that it’s weird to leave. Sometimes event insult people that leave. Treat them like traitors. Or consider “Yeah but if you go there, then there is this downside so there’s no point in going then”. Like if your solution has to be perfect, otherwise it shouldn’t be done (it’s called the “nirvana fallacy”, or the “perfect solution fallacy”, and it’s dumb).
Please OP. Do not listen to these people. They’re completely irrational. Be smarter than them. They make no sense whatsoever.
Of course, if you can’t leave, then well… you can’t. But don’t give up just because some people around are unable to think.
I hope you’ll be okay
>Being brown in a white country
While I won’t tell you this won’t entail some disadvantage, you will realize very soon that most people in, for example, Europe, care about your skin color. There will be some, and there always will be others. But most people will care more about whether you put a smile on your face when you speak to them than they will care about your skin color.
If you manage somehow to get a job and move to live in Europe, you will be fine.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
Try to come to Canada, theres a large community of indians and getting your citizenship is easier than elsewhere. Try to come as a refugee if not for school (you’re LGBTQ and fear répercussions from others in your community.) I’d much rather have people like you immigrate here than people who just want to abuse the system and recreate their environnement in our country. If you leave it’s cause you want à different life and should Try to adapt, not bring your prejudice and old ways of thinking.
If you have internet access, you can study careers that are in high international demand, which could increase your chances of leaving the country. For example, you could learn how to become a system administrator, a data analyst, explore the Python programming language, or get into cybersecurity.
I’m not indian, but I feel you on the pollution and lack of personal space in my country, but I think I’m also just very sensory and everything annoys me.
Now imagine how we Bangladeshi feel. Everything you said is 100 times worse here. Just yesterday, there was a massive protest in Dhaka against the government’s proposal for Equal Rights for Women. Every time I look at my mother the time after yesterday, I feel ashamed.
I’m sorry you’re in that situation. I once travaled to Morroco with my mother’s boyfriend (he’s from there and wanted to show me around). I got to meet a few women in his family, a few very smart ones too who learned English on the side and would talk to me in English to avoid being understood by everyone else. They told me how much it sucks to be a smart woman in their part of the world. So you’re not alone in your situation.
All I can hope is that if you are unable to move out of this situation, that you become part of the change you want to see. That’s very little solace, but if you can give some support to other girls in the future and support them, you may change the world in your own way in a better direction, and it may produce a trickle down effect down the road.
India is unfortunately a difficult country to grow up and live in. I did eventually end up moving out to the US in my 30s but have faced a lot of challenges along the way. Yes, the grass seems greener on the other side but as everyone has mentioned every place has it’s unique problems. We just have to adapt and give it our best shot.
In terms of making baby steps towards a better life, I would recommend giving your college entrance exams your best shot. I know it’s a rat race and I feel bad that we have a rote memory based system, but where you do your undergrad and how much effort you put into it goes a long way in determining your success later on, especially if you’re planning to go abroad for your masters or doctorate. Life in the late teens and early 20s is extremely stressful these days, but have the end in mind and approach life with a positive attitude, you’ll do really well and will be able to become who you’ve always dreamed of becoming.
India is conservative in terms of conventional gender orientation and finding partners but in major Metros (think Bangalore, Mumbai, Delhi) things are rapidly changing and it’ll keep getting better over the next decade and beyond as people get more literate and understand how to accept everyone as valuable members of the society.
Be honest with your parents, they are the only ones who really love you unconditionally in today’s world. They may be initially shocked when you come out but in the end I’m hopeful that they will be your biggest supporters and your best advocates as you navigate this journey of life. All the best for a great life ahead!
Find “your people ” in India. They exist surely as you do. There must be an online community you can connect with that you can eventually meet IRL.
It might seem like the worst place ever, and it kind of is you know (speaking from experience). But your life is just starting, you’re young, you can work hard and get out of here, you can make your dream come true, i know it’s easier said than done but you have nothing to lose, you should always try. And who knows, if you finally fall in love with a girl who loves you back and supports you through everything, you may not want to leave India. My point is, you’re still young, and if you really want a life abroad so horribly, you gotta work for it, nothing is impossible!!
You have to make decisions as young as possible, the longer you wait the more burden you will have. Start to prepare scholarship, look for it, there would be at least some opportunities for scholarships/working holidays for you, you need to be prepared, seriously.
The obstacles you will encounter is still worthy if you have freedom and happiness. It is great that you have this vision you want to live in different countries and realize how bad India is especially for woman. Going abroad is hard, but it will eventually bring you life options.
I wish I wasn’t Indian too ! I wish I was born in a first world country
I feel you. I also hate my country (ever since middle school), but I can’t leave due to financial and family problems. I’m currently in a university and planning to study and work abroad once I get my bachelor’s here. Good luck to you.
I assume you’ll be going to college in the next 1 or 2 years. My suggestion for now would be to aim for a college in a different city at least, metropolitan preferably. A change of environment, for starters, might do you good!
Aim for a college with a good campus plus hostel, decent placements, and maybe one that has scolarship offers. This will give you some sense of freedom for now, but you’ll still have the safe environment of a campus to experience your newfound independence. You’ll gradually get used to life away from home and learn to handle things on your own.
From there you can plan for a masters abroad. Immigration is hard especially when you leave home straight to fly into a different country with completely different culture and way of living. So it’s better to get used to being by yourself first and then plan your escape.
As an Indian, I agree. The situation of India for women is so dire and after I’ve seen how good life is for the women in say the West, it’s embarrassing how our girls are raised.
Either they are completely protected, in private schools, living rich lives, or simply no priviledges, no life, basically a burden parents keep till marriage.
If you’re a girl in India who has the opportunity to go to study outside your own town, have your own mobile, are not beaten with belt or words on doing something bad, are allowed to hangout with friends, and are not threatened with marriage from 18, you’re living probably a better life than 90% of other girls
Because believe me, most girls in India still won’t have a mobile phone of their own till they are in college, won’t be allowed to leave their city for studies and will be married off to the first slightly rich guy their parents find
Indian people are fully integrated into UK culture and truly coveted as brilliant citizens, contributing in so many ways to our culture and cuisine as well as being really hard working…you guys are fully welcome in almost all of the UK if you want to be – it just depends on the current political temperature – the strength of the UK has always been it’s complete acceptance of all international diversity – a true melting pot of all people’s and cultures…walk for half an hour in any London borough and see what you can see…it’s great!
can you try for a free exchange program for a semester or year of high school like AFS? my US family had a german exchange student live with us for a year but I wouldn’t go to the U.S. but I know US people who studied on AFS and went to Thailand for example, it’s not just limited to the U.S.
AFS last I heard is free but you’ll have to work to have some savings for your exchange time abroad and you will have a host family and support.
And I think a lot more people are comfortable with Indian women vs. Indian men.
AFS gets you a temporary out to see the world in high school and it’s not
like the expensive exchange programs I know the children of rich brazilians get.
or could try for a scholarship to boarding school in Europe? A Brazilian friend went to boarding school in the U.S. on scholarship. going to boarding school abroad might mean you repeat a grade but it’s an out.
Getting a scholarship to a boarding school abroad (Europe/US/other places) if you want to go to university outside of India and live outside of India it will help you to make that happen long term and help you advance academically, professionally and personally.
Both of these options will ensure you spend some time abroad before university.
I hope this helps.
Your way out is excelling in your studies. It may seem like nonsense to you, but that’s your best ticket out. University’s and major corporations don’t give out opportunities to mediocre people. You have a choice to change and start from zero or stay where you are. With change comes challenges and sacrifices or you can wait until you’re 25 and become a good house wife to whatever man your parents pick for you.
Look for a graduate assistantship at a research university in a democratic leaning US state, once you finish your bachelor’s degree. Politics in the US is currently polarizing but there are state protections. With a GA you have to work 20 hours a week, get paid, and get your graduate tuition waived. We have a lot of international students at the university I work for, they are not rich students but make it work.
I wish I had hair.
Don’t let the BS about brown discrimination in white countries get to you. Are we at a color blind society yet? Absolutely not, but is it that you can have a much better life than you can currently get in India? Absolutely yes. Come to canada and you feel right home.
I’m sorry you feel that terrible about your situation. What you fear abroad is what we all go through when we decide to go make our lives in another country. It’s lonely and scary but most likely, you’ll find a community and even more so as an LGBTQ member (we all need each other so much more).
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Maybe you can move to canada the government let’s in a lot of immigrants from India and many other countries
I’m desi in the US. Our reputation sucks around the world. It’s not great here either. The best we can do is to make sure we don’t have children and pass this cursed life down to the next generation.
I’m sorry for you. It’s not the first time I read something like this from an Indian woman.
Sadly there is not much you can do. Leave the country or look for other women in your country with the same feelings. I’m not sure, maybe somekind of NGO can help?
I hope you get what you wish 🙂
I am so sorry to hear the stuff you are going through. I definitely think being a gay person your life would be better in a Western country like US or Europe. You said it is not easy to move abroad. I differ with you. Why not? Is there a particular field that interests you? You are 16 now, so probably in high school. You can do undergrad in India in the field that you like and try to be one of the best ones. Then you can apply for masters or PhD abroad. PhD doesn’t even require money since you are paid while being a student. And being brown is not so bad in other countries. Once you mingle and people get to know you, color stops to matter. Wish you all the best!!
> Being brown in a white country, starting from zero, without any support systems?
It doesn’t have to be a “white country”. There are plenty of other free countries in the world, but for some reason people think migrants must only go to white countries.
Go to Brazil.
I live in Taiwan and there are so many Indian here. One of them said she really loves it here and doesn’t want to go back. Look into the MOE scholarship, which is quite easy to get and cover is really good.
Apply for a job on a cruise ship. You’ll see the world and make money.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart so openly
You’re not ungrateful, you’re just human!
You are not wrong for dreaming of more. You already know there’s a bigger world out there, and that knowing is powerful. It means you can still imagine something else.
Here’s a fact though, no country, not even America, is a perfect fix. Yes, we have more freedoms in some ways, freedoms that might help you exhale for the first time in years. Still, many of us here are tired too. Many of us dream of being elsewhere. because everywhere has its shadows. Loneliness, racism, the pressure to “make it,” the coldness of starting over. those are real things. But so is community. So is possibility. So is the peace that comes from waking up one day and realizing that you chose your life, instead of being handed one you never asked for.
You are still so young, and that means your story isn’t even close to over. Whether it’s applying to schools abroad, seeking online communities where you can be yourself, just take the next small step. You don’t need to have all the answers today.
And lastly
Love yourself, please. Not the surface stuff. I mean the you that’s tired, scared, angry, and dreaming. She’s trying her best. She’s still standing. And she deserves to be treated with gentleness, not judgment. Start there. Be your own soft place. The rest will come.
Take care of yourself, truly.
While my situation wasn’t as bad as you and luckily i am kind of privileged compared to a lot of other indians in the sense that my parents are really supportive, I always felt like i never fit in with anybody there. I found out while i was doing my bachelors that in Germany, the universities are basically free. So i applied and got in and i have never been happier. You need something called a “blocked account” and i got the money through an education loan via SBI.
You can take a look at it as an option. For most of the bachelor programs, you do need german though.
Canada is quite culturally diverse (for example there are really big Indian communities in Ontario and British Columbia) and usually very open on LGBTQIA+ matters. We have also been pretty open to people coming into the country to immigrate.
If you know you really want to leave, you should look into some options like this.
One possibility to leave the country would be to start as an au pair. In the UK, there is of course many Indian communities and there are quite a few LGBTQ+ group (I don’t know if there specific ones for Indian). Once here, you can start some studying/home schooling type during your spare time (it will require of course some managing). Pending on what you want to do, it is possible to do certificates L1 and then move up with time the time scale is better and does not require a minimum entry level (e.g. learning a specific trade). Being an au pair means that you would have a home and food, and a little bit of money. Obviously, you also have to look after kids and it is a full time job. There are agencies that specialise in recruiting Au pair.
You can look at work in the NHS like care assistant… In terms of lodging, you could contact an Indian communities if it is what would feel more comfortable for you. Sometimes people who are older and lonely look for companionship so they offer a spare room. Those are more difficult to find. Or you could see if there are potential housemates you can find.
You may want to look if there is a support group in India for LGBTQ+ people do you get support and tips.
I am an immigrant, so I get how hard it can be (I didn’t even speak English when I first came here), but it was really worth it. It can take some time to adjust or make friends pending on your personality, but I really don’t regret it. I miss my family (luckily I can still get to visit sometime once a year) but we see each other through WhatsApp and speak on the phone regularly. You will of course have to sort out work visa… But the possibility is there. Pending where you go, you will find expat groups which will of course be full of advice.
I asked my family sometimes ago, talking when I moved (I literally just turned 22 a few days before a very long time ago), about their thoughts (particularly as I am an only child, and was an only grandchild). They said that of course it wasn’t easy not to see eachother as much, but all they wanted was to see me happy and living my own life. They pointed out that it is part of being a parent to step back and let your child get on with their lives, and they are also able to live their own life. The reality is also that even living in the same country, it would be no guarantee to see eachother that much because of leaving far apart or because of obligation.
I hope, that it inspired you to look into it, and know that there is a world of possibilities. For your parents, and I know how very complicated it can be, it might be worth looking to live somewhere with more open mindset where they can live without having to worry about the judgement of others.
This is going to sound crass, but as an Indian woman you will face less issues abroad than an Indian man. Look into study abroad as a legitimate option.
‘Being brown in a white country’ most western countries couldn’t give a fuck about your skin colour. The only thing people give a fuck about today is assimilation.
I feel for you on a deep level, even though I couldn’t relate less. You sound like such a beautiful passionate soul and I wish nothing but the best for you. I wish I could help. Hang in there, hopefully some of the advice others here are offering will help. Just know you have plenty of complete strangers out there empathizing with you and cheering you on.
Join the US military service. The list of options they provide you is overwhelming.
Find your way to California. It’ll be worth it
Plan your move. That’s all I can say. I hated living in Pakistan. So I moved. Happy since.
It sounds like you’re problem isn’t with being Hindustani, moreover with being in HINDUSTAN
Sorry you’re feeling this way. Im in a similar situation and i was depressed about it too. But you have to realize that you can’t escape reality and constantly thinking about won’t do any good. Try to be the change you want to see in your life. Embody it. Sure you might not be able to do everything you want in life, but that’s not in your control. But you do have control over your attention and thoughts. Its not about reaching your ideal goal or life, its about trying. This life is too short to live for others, to try to reach others expectations, to live like other people are living, you are in this world to simply be “you”. The fact that you realize the kind of environment you want in life is so awesome. Try, with all your might to create the reality you want. It’ll be tough, not everyone will support you, you’ll probably get attacked but get back up because this life is all about trying and trying again until the end. Just remember, no matter what anyone else tells you, just starting, just trying, just trying to live the way you want is enough. Hope you can find peace with yourself. Good luck!
>People say, “Just study abroad!” like it’s that easy. We’re not rich. And even if I somehow get a job abroad and ake it, what then? Being brown in a white country, starting from zero, without any support systems?
I don’t know what you were told about “being brown in a white country” but there’s no way it’s anywhere close to what I’m sure you’ve been lead to believe.
This sounds like a better proposition than your current situation. You can build from the ground up in a new country better than with whatever you already have in India. The culture is the problem and women can only go so far in a vastly misogynistic place like India. You will find your support system. The world is full of loving people.
My mother’s side got the fuck out of Pakistan back in the 60s and came to Canada, and her life turned out way better than if that had not happened, despite the family having no connections here in the beginning. I shutter to think what her life would have been had they stayed.
Do whatever you need to do (besides getting married off) to get the hell out of your current situation and hopefully somewhere better.
>The women around me, my own mother included, spend their lives being treated like outsiders in their own homes. I can’t walk down the street without fearing rape. And I’m lesbian.
Do you want this forever? Sounds like your family is not exactly close (besides the women?) – you’re better off leaving, and I’m sorry for the awful situation you were born into. Every woman deserves better, you included.
I live in america and the city i live in is 1/4th indian. America can be a pretty diverse place.
Wouldn’t you rather be a successful Indian woman in a country surrounded by white people than a poor, disrespected, and unable to be yourself in India? To me it’s a no brainer. I live in an area in the US and there is a huge Indian population here. I mean thousands. People come the US and other countries with nothing and manage to make a life for themselves. There will always be challenges but ultimately, it’s up to you.
As an Indian and a father to a daughter the situation in the country is dire. It always has been.
I advise every young woman to grit their teeth until they’re self sufficient and then find a way out to better pastures.
It’s depressing if you can’t be yourself in your own country.
I’ve worked with Indian born interns before and something that “bugged” me is some of them were super focused on showing me what they memorized from school, but if asked a general question about what that means practically, they had no clue. They just knew how to repeat information. Seems to be a project of the education culture over there
I understand you a little. I have similar feelings even though I live in the west, everyone says “just move!” Or something like that. It’s expensive, they don’t realize how impossible it is to change things like that when you don’t have a huge financial cushion.
as an Indian I agree with you
My 17 year-old is half American, half German, and her three best friends here in South Carolina are Indian. Growing up, I counted two Indian women among my best friends, and am close to an Indian woman now. I’ve also had a couple close male Indian work friends, and an Indian guy is part of my current social circle. Of course some people are assholes, but then you just don’t hang around them. They usually out themselves pretty quickly.
If you can instead of college try a trade school and then once you graduate see if you can apply for a work visa. As soon as you get to whichever country you go to apply for citizenship and stay on top of that visa, keep renewing it. Save, learn and network! Best of luck to you!
Why was killing Joseph Smith a good thing? He himself wasn’t that bad and his death lead to way worse, more racist, people taking over the church.
Girl came to America, I saw Indian women treated like goddesses. Especially when their hair is shiny and long. Men and women just adore you. Yes there will be a few racist creeps but it’s 90% better than India.
>Being brown in a white country, starting from zero, without any support systems?
Why are predominately white countries your only option u/Guilty-Literature767?
I only read the title. Understandable.
The word which starts with a P and ends with a T.😂
Hi op, pansexual woman, former Indian immigrant to Canada here. I get it. It could be so much worse, and so you feel guilty for wanting more. But, it could also be so much better! Are some other people in a worse situation than you and suffering more? Absolutely! However, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t suffering either. Don’t turn it into a pain and oppression olympics. Acknowledge to yourself that your struggle, hurt and pain is valid. You deserve better! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
The advice some people have given you here of “try to go to college in a different city. Live alone for a while and build a new life there.” Is a 100% correct. It’ll help you gain confidence, learn how to cope without your current support system, and learn how to live independently. Sometimes, you do need actual physical distance to figure things out and see that things will be okay.
I lived alone for a bit in my late teens to mid-20s, and for the first little bit, i did miss my family and support system a lot. However, it was only for a little while. I stayed thriving after that. Being away from my family and the rigid social expectations of Indian culture and environment really helped me bloom.
Start small for now, op. Put your head down, and do as best as you can in your exams. Apply for college in a different city and learn how to live independently there. After that, you can decide if you want to immigrate elsewhere, work in another country, etc.
Sometimes you’ll find living in another country isn’t the answer for you and that’s okay! My parents moved to Canada to give me a better life, and here i am, 17 years later, looking to move to an east asian country for a fresh start!
Life is strange. You’ll never know where you end up. Don’t be afraid to start anew at any age! Don’t be afraid to deviate from the path and expectations set for you. You may find you didn’t need to leave India to find happiness and live the life you want. You may find that you have to work and save up for a few years before you can leave India.
Having money, working a job, and saving money can offer you so much more mobility and options than you have now.
My point is that this is just the beginning. Not the end. There are many more ways to live life, and achieve your dreams than you think. Don’t give up hope, op. Keep your options, and your mind open and try! You’ll be surprised where you end up!
Reading this just make me wonder India just forcing the talents leave their county. They really need radical change to make their people stay instead of leaving.
You are still so young. You can do it. You have all the time in the world that can’t be bought with money.
Do your research on the different scholarships. Look at Google, ChatGPT, Calude, DeepSeek, YouTube etc. If you can manage a full scholarship, that would be great! You can cover your expenses doing part-time jobs, you can also send some money back to your home if you want, and if you work hard!
Even if you don’t get a full scholarship, instead get a partial scholarship that covers most of the cost, it’s still fine. You can cover your own expenses plus the rest of the tuition fees. In that case, you wouldn’t be able to send money back to your home, and I guess that’s also fine.
I am from Bangladesh. We have a similar culture. I know how it is on your side. Don’t overthink it! The most important step is to find the right information about the scholarship and study hard! Everything else will fall into place eventually.
Good luck!
Go to other countries and see. It’s easy to sit and complain.
Several countries like Germany provide free education. Countries like Portugal need more youngsters and therefore have very friendly immigration policies. If you have the financial resources and the will, try to find your way out. Good luck!
I used to think exactly like that in my teens. Once you’re rich you’ll love how cheap India is.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I work with a lot of Indians in Canada who left for many of the same reasons you list and it doesn’t seem like a single one of them regrets it. Opportunities for growth and prosperous wealth seem hard to come by in North American and I’m sure what we experience is absolutely nothing compared to India with the population density and competition for opportunity you have ahead of you.
None of us choose where we’re born; there have been times I have felt so very fortunate to have been born American and other times I have resented it so much.
You seem incredibly bright for your age; you’re exceptionally aware of the challenges ahead. I think you will find your way. Right now you’re staring down the beginning of your journey and that’s tough.
I truly believe you will find your way. Keep your head up. Being 16 is hard. Being a 16-year-old Indian lesbian sounds… beyond difficult.
You are seen.
Have you looked to other countries as a way out?
Come to Brazil you would love it
A lot of bs
Try to move to Texas or Florida and get a roommate so you can live off of a minimum wage job. Maybe try to make a plan with a friend or family member.
My mom came to Canada when she was 18 graduating with only grade 10 in the 90s I know things are different now but still possible
With the MASSIVE amount of Indian people here, (from all areas of the sub continent) in New Zealand, you will have a cousin, or neighbour who knows someone here, so you would not start from nothing. Schooling here is pretty good. Being an Indian in a white country is not a thing here. (So much).
I’m white and much older than you, but many of my closest friends and work colleagues have been Indian. I’ve heard plenty of similar stories, especially from women. What I will say is that they generally haven’t had as tough a time in a white country as you may think. The men have had a tougher time romantically as it seems frequent that they cannot attract the interest of non-Indians; that hasn’t been the case of many of the women I’ve known, however.
I’m sure culture shock is an issue, but you absolutely shouldn’t let fear of the unknown stop you from escaping a situation that’s suffocating you. You type English quite well already and are clearly quite intelligent. Don’t end up settling, regardless of whether or not you emigrate.
It’s nice to read how many good people are replying to your post.
My partner is lesbian and she is from Punjab region. She has told me stories of her teen years and it sounds exactly like yours. We’re currently in Canada and as a lesbian couple feel so loved and safe. We used to both live in Surrey- which is a town with mostly Indian people. We both found moving away from Surrey was the best decision we made. Surrey is like an extension of India. She said every time she took the bus and an auntie would do some small talk with her, they would ask for her number and set her up to their sons. She said it felt like she was still in India. If you would like to talk more you could PM me. I never thought it was this bad until I saw how some extended family treated her when they found out she is with a female partner. Take care of your mental health. The whole world is not India. You are young and keep moving until you can be your true authentic self. I have friends that didn’t come out as their chosen gender until they were in their 60s. They felt like they were living behind a glass window their entire lives. After coming out and being their authentic self they finally felt free and alive.
you might already know this but queens ny, and the pnw in america, and many other cities have HUGE indian populations. if you’re able to come here you would be able to find community here
OP, I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. It’s not quite as easy as people think to study abroad or move your whole life to another country. Unfortunately though, it might be your only hope to be free of your current situation.
Perhaps continue your studies for the time being and also look at countries where they have immigration agreements with India? I’m from Australia and we currently have an agreement for new graduates and early career professionals to live and work here for up to 2 years without a sponsor (I read somewhere that it’s called MATES, but I could be wrong). We have many avenues providing support to immigrants and there are many suburbs in major cities where there is a large Indian population. We tend to import a lot of our professionals too so you shouldn’t have much of an issue finding employment. From there, you can apply for permanent residency and/or eventually become a citizen if that’s what you want.
I know that moving to a “white” country is a scary thought right now, but perhaps it’s one you should think about. Being 16, you still have time on your side so you can start your plan and start preparing now. Australia was built on immigration, and we are known for being a very multicultural nation. Sending you so much love and hope ❤️
I get what you mean, I visited India last year and I just thought how this isn’t how people are supposed to live. I know not every place is the same and the south was much nicer, but still I can only imagine how hard is it to live when the country is so overpopulated.
You are still very young so I fear you’ll have to push through for quite some time still. My best advice for you is to study as hard as you can, not just in school but also find what you’re good at and what interests you and become skilled at it.
When you graduate, you can always find a job abroad and you can study at a university at the same time. Most european countries have either free or very affordable university education so you won’t break bank like in the US. Also, get a friend to go with you so you’re not alone if you decide to go.
Btw, don’t wish you weren’t Indian. Your culture is beautiful even if the country maybe isn’t the best place to live.
Best of luck to you, you can do whatever you want and reach your goals.
Hey, I just want to say first that everything you’re feeling is valid. You’re not being dramatic or ungrateful, you’re just aware. Aware of what’s around you, what’s missing, and what could be. That kind of clarity hurts, especially when you feel trapped by forces bigger than yourself.
I don’t have a magic solution, but I’ve been thinking about what someone in your position could actually do, not just hypothetically escape to some “better” place (because we both know it’s not that simple). So here’s what I’d say if we were talking over coffee:
You might have to split your life into two parts for now: the one that performs safety, and the one that protects your truth. It’s not lying, it’s surviving. Not everyone deserves access to the real you, especially in a world where being honest can put you in danger. But you do need a place to be that version of yourself. Online queer spaces, writing communities, support groups, some of them are lifelines. You’re not alone, even if it feels like you are.
You mentioned you used to love reading and writing. Try going back to that, not as homework, but as oxygen. Even journaling. Write about all this. Let it out. That voice inside you is still alive, even if school and stress have made it quieter.
As for school: yeah, the system sucks. It dehumanizes everyone. But weirdly enough, it might also be your way out. You don’t have to chase prestige, chase possibility. Look into scholarships for queer students from the Global South, programs in countries like Canada or Germany where support systems exist. Build a portfolio now if you can. Blogs, contest entries, anything to show who you are and what you can do. It’s not about being “better,” just seen.
And if leaving the country is still the dream, think long-term. It’s okay if it takes years. Research how LGBTQ asylum works, or what skills are in demand abroad. The world’s hard, but not totally closed.
You don’t have to come out all at once. You don’t owe anyone clarity except yourself. If your parents are supportive enough, keep that door cracked open, but be ready to walk your own way if you need to.
Last thing: it’s okay to feel stuck. That doesn’t mean you’ll stay stuck. Even if nothing changes tomorrow, the fact that you’re aware, that you can articulate this so clearly, that means you’re already doing the hard part. You see the world for what it is. That’s powerful, even when it hurts.
If you ever want to vent again, I’m here. Seriously.
Girl as a fellow Indian woman i get you! All you can do is work hard get scholarship and move abroad! That’s what i did! German Unis are relatively cheaper so many u can try Germany!
It will get better. You’ll find that your support system will emerge as you navigate your way through life. Parts of India are getting more progressive and you’ll find your people and community. There’s a whole life to discover after teens years.
Wish you beat luck and good wishes.
Come to Canada. It’s a huge country with parts that are affordable and very diverse. Winnipeg for example. It’s a great city and one of the most diverse in Canada, and cost of living less that a place like Vancouver or Toronto. But if you can afford it, Vancouver or Toronto are amazing too. There’s still some racism and sexism in Canada but way less bad than most other countries (I mean, it’s a problem everywhere unfortunately).
Anyway, I’m biased obviously because I’m Canadian. But just food for thought. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I have hope things will get better for you.
“Others have it worse” does not invalidate your experiences. One of the things I was told and try to remember is that suffering isn’t the Olympics. You are allowed to feel what you do, despite what someone else is dealing with because how everyone experiences life is all relative. Please allow yourself the same grace you’d give others because you deserve it