My boyfriend’s family is disgusting. I feel so guilty, because they’re really sweet people. Genuinely. His parents just got divorced , and they no longer have any contact with the mother. So the dad, him, and his little sister are all living alone in a two bedroom apartment. his little sister isn’t the best for a 13 year old but what more can someone expect from a teen who just had a lot of changes. I understand that’s so difficult for the poor girl. She needs therapy terrible. But today really did me in. She got a new puppy ( dad’s divorce guilt ) and it peed all over the stairs today. Of course , i ended up cleaning it. Last week it was a curdled Starbucks cup under the bed that dad somehow couldn’t smell. I walk in to her room and see the bird cage and it hasn’t been fed or cleaned in what appears to be well over a week. There’s bird poop on the wall , stained . In the ONLY bathroom they have, the toilet was overflowed and the floor was soaked. I think she’s been flushing her pads. There’s piles and piles of thick black dog hair in every corner of the house… and usually on the toilet seat so I can’t really sit down to use their bathroom. They wear shoes throughout the house even though the father works at a hospital. The tables always sticky. There’s a bottle of corn syrup on the counter for whatever reason. All they eat is junk food. There’s always only soda and never water. Always cookies and chips but never any fruit. Dad makes vegetables with dinner but they’re covered in butter and oil. They never open the windows either and always have the blinds shut. The couches are greasy from the two dogs laying all over them. The last time they had an animal, it was a fish which they forgot to feed and was left on the countertop moldy for weeks. And the dad is convinced the 13 year old will now take care of this new puppy. It’s been three days and she hasn’t walked it once yet. I don’t want this to become me and my boyfriend’s problem. We are barely ever home for this reason. We try to explain to the dad but he just doesn’t get it. And I’m afraid of hurting his feelings or overstepping. It’s gotten to the point where my boyfriend practically lives with me and doesn’t go home at all because he’s starting to realize it’s absolutely disgusting and depressing to live that way. But when I try to give him advice to help his ( single ) dad and teenage sibling he gets mad. I think he is embarrassed, I love him very much and I know he’s so hurt by their living conditions and his dads inability to listen to our concerns by this point. I don’t know what to do. It’s disgusting. I can’t take it. I can’t go over there. They let food rot on the counter top. Items that say refrigerate after opening are left in the cabinets and used to cook with. Everything smells and it’s nightmarish. I can’t take it anymore I’m about to snap. The poor daughter needs severe therapy and she’s currently only in online therapy. Not sure if it’s really effective. She probably holds back knowing dad’s possibly listening. She eats horrible and I hear her cries for help, she wants to eat better but doesn’t know how to. I can only do so much. My boyfriend can only do so much too without his dad wanting to listen or participate. It’s like they can’t see what we are seeing. I’m so afraid the birds going to die now that the new dog is her next distraction. She never took care of the bird prior to getting the new dog. They had a bird when they moved from their old house about a year ago once the divorce was finalized , it passed shortly after the move and I figured it was just from a lot of stress but I’m starting to think it was neglect. And he just replaced it with another she doesn’t even care for. Now a puppy. I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend said it’s not his problem and he can’t help them any further. But he already lost his relationship with the mother ( I think dad’s selfishness/guilt honestly. Because the mom wanted out. )and I don’t want him to lose his father and sister now too. Even if the kids had a relationship with their mother, I think the dad would guilt them into not having one too. I think it was the mother who kept the reigns right and I’m starting to understand why she wanted out. But… now it seems like they have no guidance. I feel terrible. He invites us over for dinner and I can’t go without worrying I’ll get food poisoning. I’m tired of every time I eat there picking dog hairs out of my teeth. It’s absolutely terrible. I feel so guilty telling all of this to my boyfriend , too. He knows it’s disgusting but doesn’t talk about it because I think the way they’ve gone so down hill really hurts him. Worst of all… this is WITH a cleaning lady that comes every other week! Not to mention, the little sisters always getting sick too due to their poor hygiene. Even the dad’s car is disgusting. Fast food packages everywhere. Crumbs, a certain rotten smell coming from who knows where. I’m at a loss with this one. I had to … quite literally get this off my chest lol. Oh. BTW , dad thinks I’m a “germaphobe.” He is in denial.
sorry for the lack of grammar, I’m exhausted and distraught. Thank you in advance for your input.
Comments
Gross! 🤢
I doing understand how people live that way.
Thanks for helping take care of the animals. They don’t deserve the mistreatment as it’s no fault of their own. 💙💙
Please call CPS. You can make an anonymous report. They need help.
Can you call the police to do a welfare check? Those reports are usually anonymous. Having a minor in that situation is grounds for domestic abuse and a risk to health and safety.
In Europe, we have a “duty to report” if we notice something like this so I’m really hoping that you do as well wherever you are. Goodluck.
Do not tell the bf he might end it with you saying that’s to far call them you don’t have to say who you are maybe then the father might take it seriously
I’m sorry but you should call CPS on them. Foe the child’s sake. I grew up with a hoarder mother who never cleaned and I have lifelong health problems because of it.
And I’m sure your boyfriend is nice, but I can tell you cleaning doesn’t come naturally. I was in my 30s when I finally learned.
Hey OP, this sounds like a really serious mental health situation for your boyfriend’s dad. I would say lack of knowledge of basic household management skills is compounded hugely by situational depression and shock of all the changes resultant of the divorce. At 13 little sister is also in that awkward age where girls are still trying to figure out their self care and hygiene routine. You should also consider the fact here that you can teach your boyfriend balanced/healthy eating skills as well as household management skills, and he is able to help them too (in fact he should be doing the majority of this, not you as it’s his immediate family). Make an anonymous call to CPS as well as animal welfare teams. You don’t have to tell your boyfriend. Good luck, OP
This is really sad. I’m glad youre there to see this OP cause it sounds like there isn’t anyone else that is getting an outsider’s perspective on the situation. But I really feel for you too cause you’re right: it ultimately isn’t your burden to bear and most definitely boy your responsibility. I think unfortunately CPS should be contacted. Hopefully your bf doesn’t find out and thank you for being a positive influence on this families life
This is a mix of abuse, incompetence and mental illness. You should definitely report to whichever authorities you can. From animal cruelty to child abuse. This sounds like a nightmare of filth and no responsibility for basic human or animal needs.
I would also consider the relationship as being problematic if you know your partner would be against reporting. This is a lot for you to be shouldering by yourself.
MY AUNT AND COUSIN ARE THIS WAY.
They’re also smokers… Like they smoke a pack a day each in the house. She paid me to clean there occasionally and said once she retired I could do it more regularly, but… No. After a couple months I couldn’t stand it anymore.
I barely talk with them now. It’s hard having family that smokes, it’s unbearable when they don’t give two shits about literally anything at all.
And yes, my 35 year old cousin still lives with his mom. Definitely takes after her….. He essentially sleeps on a dog pissed soak mattress.
I honestly don’t think CPS would do anything about it, though. You can certainly try, but he’ll immediately know it was you on top of CPS not actually doing anything.
Especially with an absent mother and the age of the children, CPS won’t (and shouldn’t) put them in foster and it’s not like they can just… Tell him to clean up and enforce that he does.
It’s insane how much it takes for CPS to do something.
Call Animal Control.
And then call CPS.
Do both anonymously. Although, your boyfriend will probably figure out who called.
Oh, and also, leave your boyfriend.
How old is your bf and why tf isn’t he doing anything at all for the obvious signs of child neglect and animal abuse in his home? Why isn’t he vacuuming and cleaning if his sibling and father won’t? Has no one taught the girl any hygiene? Taught the father how to do any house maintenance?
The longer this goes on, the worse off everyone will be. You and him are enabling this behavior at this point. Unless you’re waiting to see a dog and bird carcass rotting in this already rotten house, I strongly suggest you anonymously report them to animal control and CPS, and ditch the boyfriend, because his judgment and lack of initiative in helping is extremely poor.
Make an anonymous call. If all of these people have been inside their home, then it could be anyone making the report.
Your boyfriend is no different from his father. If he was a real man he would have sorted this problem out instead of letting his gf clean and deal with it. Does he ever clean, help his family or step in? SPCA needs to be called for the animals and CPS for the little girl. DO NOT CLEAN that house you will get sick!
You need to also contact their mother and tell her exactly what you told us. Your bf sounds like a lazy coward.
This is not your responsibility to fix.