This happened like 4 years ago, but it haunts me.
Back when this happened, I was 23 years old. The guy was older, like 42. We met on Bumble, went on a few dates, then hooked up.
I cannot forget about his penis, for all the wrong reasons. Basically, it was a mushroom. And not like just a regular mushroom penis that you can think of, but a very drastic one. Like think of the skinniest penis you’ve seen, and accompany it by the biggest tip you’ve seen. I am talking a shiitake mushroom. A portobello mushroom.
When it was inside of me, I could only feel the mushroom, not the rest and I just lied there trying not to laugh while I was being hammered.
I didn’t want to say anything, but I couldn’t just do it again. It was just… really weird. Never seen anything like it before.
What was up with it? Like just bad luck? Is this penis structure just a really uncommon one, or what?
Insights are appreciated, penis experts welcome.
Comments
Was his name Mario?
I remember seeing a gallery of weird dicks on Reddit once. (That’s a sentence I thought I’d never write)
One was just like you said. Skinny shaft with a massive bulbous head. Maybe it was him!
Is this Stormy Daniels?
Like Vaginas, not all the dicks are the same.
Probably, he have bad luck and you too. 🤷♂️
For every mushroom dick there is a set of beef curtains to go with it. You can’t help what you get.
If you miss the guy just fuckin call him lol
Maybe the mushroom penis was the reason he couldn’t find someone closer to his age to hook up with
Poor bloke
So you’re saying he had the full Trump?
Can we are people just stop making fun of others for looking different?
I imagine most penises are what you see in amateur porn. Some people have really weird penises, but most you see all look about the average.
Although, you also probably don’t see many of the super obscure ones. Probably too embarrassed to make the porn, or can’t find a partner to suck it on camera.
Pretty much, I think you found an anomaly that falls outside of the penis mushroom curve… I mean penis bell curve.
Did he leave a greasy orange stain on the pillow?
But, was he a funguy?
The narrow shaft and mushroom shaped glans allow that particular penis to scrape out the semen that was very recently deposited by his rivals. Thus giving his sperm a higher chance of making it to the egg for fertilization.
Why is no one commenting on the stellar visuals of OP… portobello mushroom, can only feel the head, just couldn’t again… I for one appreciate you providing me a laugh.
Yes it’s bad luck for him. Penis size and shape are completely out of anybody’s control. Were dealt that card and it’s all we got to play. I feel for the guy honestly.
>I could only feel the mushroom while I was being hammered
That’s a wild sentence
He would be incredible at gay sex. Hitting the prostate with a big head is incredible, the shaft wouldn’t matter that much.
What it orange in color?
Body shaming is horrible until it’s about a man huh?
There once was a young man named Fred
Whose cock had a corkscrew shaped head
He found, having hunted,
A girl corkscrew cunted,
But alas with a Fred reversed thread
One of my good friends was dating this girl, she was pretty wild and outspoken. We became friends, she was quite the character. One night after a few drinks and smoking a joint she said ” you must have a regular dick ? ” “umm, ok yeah, I guess” can you do me a favor and fuck me, I need a normal dick, I forgot what it feels like’ she went on to explain that my buddy has some weird mushroom cock and that it felt weird, all she could feel was the head and it felt gross.
I said no, Bros before hoes kind of thing.
Although a couple of years later after she moved back home, I was in her town, looked her up and hooked up.
Because I also have a mushroom tip, I’m curious how extreme it was compared to mine so I can know if mine’s ever freaked someone out. If you had to compare the width of the shaft to an object, what would it be?
I guess we know Stormy Daniels Reddit user name now.
Weirdest I’ve seen was almost football shaped.
I don’t think I could hold my laughter at such an exaggerated mushroom shape. I would feel so guilty, though.
That’s not a mushroom, that’s a goddamn lollipop
This is why I try to get dick pics before we fuck to prepare myself and debate whether I really want to fuck this guy or not. My face has no filter so to not hurt feelings this is my method. 🙃 Also… as a penis expert, a penis shaped like that is very very very rare!
Possibly he had phimosis and the tight foreskin contracts around the shaft, creating a bulbous head
I’m sorry but I am so stoned right now and “I could only feel the mushroom” is absolutely fucking sending me 😭
Hey, it’s evolutionarily superior, ok.
Didn’t you say all this before in court Stormy?
I used to fuck a guy with a dick like that. Fun to suck but jfc getting that head up my ass was a struggle. Made a fun popping sound when he pulled it out lol.
Is he currently the President?
Ah all too common… The dreaded botched Circumcision.
Don’t circumcise your boys folks
Random thought… botched circumcision?
Some people just got really weird dicks. I slept with a guy that super thick and looked like a full on traffic cone it was wild. Bro asked me to bottom. Not a chance, lmao.
If the genders were reversed in this scenario, OP would have been crucified in the comments.
We’re all different and shouldn’t degrade anyone based on physical attributes. Or for hooking up with someone twice their age.
Stormy Daniels has entered the chat…
Did he insist on wearing his red cap? Did he shout “yahooo” when he climaxed?!
yeah, you just encountered a statistical outlier
Probably a botched curcumcision.
According to sworn courtroom testimony, that the defense lawyers did not refute, Trump has a small mushroom shaped penis.
I knew someone like that. His dick was not small yet hard the head was substantially larger maybe 3x or more the size of the penis.
>and I just lied there trying not to laugh while I was being hammered.
Lay
Wtf is a penis expert?
Maybe he is an alien 🤣
I think one possibility is it could be from a subtle form of hypospadias
Just like you have ugly people, you have ugly penisses.
There’s people with a HUGE nose, and there’s people with a HUGE head.
Did he have kids? Kind of only kidding… the shape of a penis head is an evolutionary thing meant to scoop the semen of the previous mate out, as you plant your seed inside. Survival of the fittest kinda thing. And every primal. As in multiple mates for one female, like one after the other, to keep the species going. I’m guessing his family is very “fertile” on the man’s side
Poor guy had a micro penis by sounds of it.
I think I’d be scared actually.
Penis expert here.
This is an uncommon shape/proportion for the majority of penises don’t look like this. So, moving forward, you will likely never experience this again. Which works well for you considering you didn’t seem to have a good experience.
And yes! Every single man on this planet is born with the penis that they have. They had no choice in the matter. They can’t change their penis in any way at all. And they have to make the best of it. So, if you ever run across this in the future, be kind to the man who owns the penis you aren’t very impressed with. It’s all he has. And it’s all he will ever have. And he knows this. It’s easy to hurt him on a very deep level that a woman will likely never understand.
I’m guessing he was circumcised?
Well, now you know why he paid her $ 100,000.
I bet it’s good at shovelling poop out
Are you Stormy Daniels?