My son(14) enjoys running six days a week and I’m happy about it. It’s good for his health and his medical check up last year had excellent results. People sometimes think he’s the ‘jock’ type but while he’s quite athletic he’s also socially awkward. He doesn’t have friends and prefers spending his time after school exercising by himself. I’m glad he cares about his physical health but I am also worried about his lack of social life. So my husband and I have been trying to encourage him to spend time doing other things like making friends and hanging out with them. We haven’t been successful though.
Anyways, my brother bought and gifted him a pair of ASICS running shoes for his birthday. He was very happy but since we want him to spend less time running I think we should make him return the gift.
But my husband got upset, saying that it’s his birthday and we shouldn’t be making him return a harmless present that he is going to use.
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My son(14) enjoys running six days a week and I’m happy about it. It’s good for his health and his medical check up last year had excellent results. People sometimes think he’s the ‘jock’ type but while he’s quite athletic he’s also socially awkward. He doesn’t have friends and prefers spending his time after school exercising by himself. I’m glad he cares about his physical health but I am also worried about his lack of social life. So my husband and I have been trying to encourage him to spend time doing other things like making friends and hanging out with them. We haven’t been successful though.
Anyways, my brother bought and gifted him a pair of ASICS running shoes for his birthday. He was very happy but since we want him to spend less time running I think we should make him return the gift.
But my husband got upset, saying that it’s his birthday and we shouldn’t be making him return a harmless present that he is going to use.
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> I might be the asshole if I make him return the gift since it’s a harmless birthday present he is going to use.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It’s wonderful that your son has found something he loves and is passionate about running is a great outlet, especially during the teen years. Encouraging balance is important, but supporting his interests while gently guiding him socially sounds like the right path. The shoes sound like a thoughtful gift that shows he’s seen and appreciated.
YTA. The one thing you don’t want to do is to sabotage a very thoughtful birthday gift to your son and undermine your son’s participation in the sport that he loves because you think that he’s too “socially awkward.” At the age of 14, many/most kids are socially awkward. But if he runs track while in high school, he’ll find his tribe and he’ll come out of his shell.
Your heart is in the right place, but you are chasing the wrong solution to what you consider the problem. Not an asshole, just an anxious and concerned mother.
YTA
Your son enjoys something and somebody bought a gift to support his hobby
Rather than trying to stop your son doing something he enjoys, why not try and encourage him to join a running group, or encourage an additional activity that’s more social whilst still letting him do what he wants.
Stopping a child doing something they enjoy is a great way to cause issues
Yta and your husband is correct
There proper way to get your son to have more of a social life is to encourage him to use his hobby to interact with more people
YWBTA. That would be absolutely horrible parenting. It’s a thoughtful, useful, gift, and there’s nothing wrong with him running. He’ll find his people, if you don’t make him feel like there’s something wrong with him.
YTA. This was a thoughtful gift someone gave him that’s relevant to something he finds a big part of his life.
Try and gently nudge him towards joining a local running club or something instead.
YWBTA it would be different if your brother were giving him something harmful but that’s not the case here. I understand you want him to socialise but taking away the thing that makes him happy is not going to help.
A lot of teenagers are socially awkward. Social skills are learned. And a lot of people are exhausted after spending the whole day with people at school, work or home and just want some time alone to be themselves. If you want to help him socialise help him find “his people”. Encourage him to do a group activity with people who have the same interests as he does.
YTA. Excercising will boost his physical skills and his confidence. If it is something that makes him happy, let him do it. You can’t force social contacts anyway, you’ll probably depress him.
YWBTA. It’s great that your son has a healthy routine of running after school and it would be wrong to take away a heartfelt gift your brother was nice enough to give. If your concern is making friends, have your son join his school’s track team or any kind of sport. It is a great way for him to remain healthy while giving him the opportunity to make new friends.
YTA help him find a running group or cross country team so that he can do something he already enjoys with a group rather than punishing his interests
YTA your son has found an healthy activity that he loves doing, you want to insult your brother by returning his well thought out gift and embarrass your son in the process, allow your son to keep running but suggest he joins a running club where he will meet other people with similar interests to his, or would you rather he hung around the corners with all the bad kids getting drunk/taking drugs and in trouble with the police all the time, you have got a good kid so lighten up with him
YTA. Why limit something your son does that he loves and is good for him? He’ll eventually meet fellow runners and make friends there. He might be an introvert and not need a huge social circle. And why make him return one of his gifts? That’s just mean. You come off sounding real controlling.
YWBTA, your son loves running and he loves his gift, why would you take something that makes your son happy?
You want him to make friends but you’re also his parents, he doesn’t tell you everything. Maybe he’s being bullied, maybe his classmates have nothing in common with him, maybe he’s already tried and failed at making friends. And if that’s the case, what he doesn’t need is his parents taking away his comfort hobby to make him feel like shit and not accomplish anything.
On top of that, I’m sure days are longer than what he spends on running, he can make friends if he wants to.
I would suggest being supportive instead and maybe looking into groups of runners, that prepare together for marathons, maybe there’s an athletism group at your city. Something that would help him make friends that have things in common with him.
YTA so you want to discourage the one thing he enjoys?
YTA You can encourage your son to be social without discouraging his running.
In a world where kids now spend there time on phones, I think running is a lot healthier choise🫶🏻
YTA
help him find people with the same hobby.
my sister joined a cross country running club when she was in the USA.
YWBTA. Taking away the shoes will frame the thing you want him to do more of, but that he’s already uncertain about (socialising) as coming at the cost of something he’s passionate about. That’s just not going to have the desired effect; if anything, you’d be in danger of making him resent the idea of socialising. Telling or implying to a child that they’re doing ‘too much’ of something they love is also delicate territory as far as their self esteem goes, and imo taking the shoes away does not sound like a particularly delicate approach to the matter.
As someone who struggled similarly to your son, albeit with a different outlet, I can promise you – children who increase their socialisation out of a sense of obligation to their parents, or because they fear the consequences of not doing so, or whatever… we don’t actually reap the benefits that make you so anxious for us to obtain from socialising in the first place.
If you want this to be something that your son engages with more than performatively to please you, then I’m afraid the main thing that stands a chance of working is encouragement, not punishment. I’m sure it’s very likely that you’ve been trying hard at that already, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the idea of taking the shoes comes from some kind of wish to find a method that will just work – but I’m afraid that looking for magic fixes risks making things feel unstable for your son, especially if those attempts at fixes involve punishment for something he’s already naturally struggling with.
I know that it requires a bit of blind faith to keep trying with something that seems to not be yielding any results, but I promise: from a child’s perspective, gentle encouragement feels better on the whole in the long run than any sense of pressure from parents about something that’s already inherently difficult through no fault of one’s own.
I would advise you to continue encouraging him, do your best to maintain that consistent support, and look for sources of support outside of your family for yourself, so that you can process your own anxiety about this issue without it ending up leading your actions towards your son.
YTA and frankly you’re the weird one
YTA let him run and do what he’s happy and interested in doing
So you want to punish your son for being who he is by taking away a birthday present.
Yeah…that’s great parenting!
YTA
What is wrong with you?
There are social running groups you could sign him up to, or a track club? Then he can meet people who he clearly has something in common with, think it would be a win for all involved.
YTA your husband is right.
YTA. This has to be a joke or rage bait. What parent would think taking away a bday present and something he loves doing is a good idea? Would you rather he sit doom scrolling on your couch? As others suggested – he can find friends through his hobby of running (if he wants too). Try supporting your son instead of sabotaging him.
Whaaaat! The gift is wonderful and it would be terrible to return it. It’s not like they gave him a crack pipe.
Let your son have his own personality. If he wants to be an introvert, that is more than OK! Celebrate him as he is.
Channel his love of running into a track team or cross country team. Those groups tend to get very close and form friendships that can last a lifetime. YTA if you even think twice about making him return the shoes.
YWBTA. Discourage one of his passions, a healthy one at that…are you for real? Punishing him because he’s not social enough for your preference is wild. Beyond that, returning the gift will likely only damage your relationship with your son and i’m sure his Uncle won’t be too happy about it either. Honestly, i’m not seeing ANY positives in taking away the shoes. It’s not like doing so will magically make him a social butterfly. In fact, it could do the exact opposite.
YWBTA those ASICS could spark a conversation with someone or a classmate that is also into running.
So what, maybe he doesn’t do all the social activities in HS freshman year and he just needs time to adjust. Exercise is a major stress reliever and if he’s running long distances especially on paved roads he needs good shoes. His Uncle recognizes that he’ll need a good shoe to save his knees and thats something they can bond over as well.
Also he’s outside, he’s more than likely to meet people leaving the house than he would sitting in the house playing games online.
YTA. Why are you so worried about your son’s social life when he’s only 14? Let him be a kid & enjoy something , ffs
100% YTA.
“My son isn’t the social butterfly I want him to be, so I’m going to take away the thing he loves doing and make him so miserable he starts to socialise more.”
That’s basically what you’re saying. And the only thing it will achieve is to make him hate you. It certainly won’t get him to do what you want. In fact, it’s more likely that it will push him further into his shell.
YTA. There’s lots of parenting books out there. Read them.
YTA. Don’t take away the one thing your son really loves doing in his spare time. He would resent you, and he needs you to love and accept him the way he is.
YTA – have him join cross country or track- that’s what we did w our son. He got the joy in being part of a team but still was able to participate in him solo activity
YWBTA
They’re…. shoes. I don’t think you should discourage running at all but they can be used for non running. I use similar shoes for day to day walking.
This seems weird and controlling to me.
YWBTA, instead consider encouraging him to join the track and field team. He can channel his love for running while opening him up for opportunities to make friends.
Yes, YWBTA if you returned the shoes; how is that going to help him make friends? Find him a running club you numpty.
YTA
Why don’t you support your kid’s hobby or enjoyment by finding him run clubs to join and socialise with like minded people.
Huge YTA. Leave your kid’s hobby alone. Additional yta for thinking about returning the present he already loves. It’s not encouraging something, it’s punishing for nothing. He’d remember it forever I guarantee you.
YTA. those are proper shoes. Instead of supporting him, you are punishing him for no reason. Grow up
Your son is in high school. He should join the cross country team in the fall and the track team in the spring. He’ll practice, train, and compete with lots of other kids and hopefully make friends. Or at least acquaintances.
YATA
A gift he will use- you want to make him return? Total AH move. Stop trying to make him give up something he loves.
YTA. get involved with local running clubs. Small business shoe stores have all the insider information and will get your son in with a great crew of people. Runners are highly disciplined, funny, often awkward people who make for wonderful friends and mentors. Just because your son prefers a solo sport does not mean he cannot feel fulfilled socially with that sport.
Also. Some of us are introverts and enjoy some solitude. Maybe you can reflect on why you feel some type of way that you cannot handle your son being happy alone. Alone =/= lonely. Your projection is a reflection of you, not your son.