Hey everyone! This happened last week. My former friend (39f) has a 14y/o child, father not in the picture ever. I helped take care of this kid (babysitting, buying baby/age appropriate things).
This kid has always been hyperactive, and I’ve told my former friend that that needed to be checked out, she always brushed me off. Even the schools recommended that she take child to get evaluated, and she shuts that down really quickly.
What happened last week, I was driving them to a restaurant so we could sit down and catch up. I’m on the highway and this kid unbuckles their seatbelt and covers my eyes while I’m driving. Of course I freak out, but my former friend finds it hilarious. So I pull over and tell them both to get out in the darkest tone I’ve ever spoken in, they both got out and I drove off home.
When she called to apologize I said that her kid was too much to handle and if she didn’t get them professional help, that I wouldn’t come around anymore. She called me crazy, and that nothing was wrong with her child, that they “were just being a kid”.
AITA?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hey everyone! This happened last week. My former friend (39f) has a 14y/o child, father not in the picture ever. I helped take care of this kid (babysitting, buying baby/age appropriate things).
This kid has always been hyperactive, and I’ve told my former friend that that needed to be checked out, she always brushed me off. Even the schools recommended that she take child to get evaluated, and she shuts that down really quickly.
What happened last week, I was driving them to a restaurant so we could sit down and catch up. I’m on the highway and this kid unbuckles their seatbelt and covers my eyes while I’m driving. Of course I freak out, but my former friend finds it hilarious. So I pull over and tell them both to get out in the darkest tone I’ve ever spoken in, they both got out and I drove off home.
When she called to apologize I said that her kid was too much to handle and if she didn’t get them professional help, that I wouldn’t come around anymore. She called me crazy, and that nothing was wrong with her child, that they “were just being a kid”.
AITA?
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NTA. This isn’t just kid being a kid, I never did this to anyone, it’s beyond stupid and she’s 14, not 4
NTA Eventually when the police are involved she will still be saying “he’s such a good kid”. I’m not saying he’s a bad kid. What we do knowis that she’s a bad parent
NTA. Let’s see if she thinks they’re “just being a kid” when she’s getting called into the principles office or someone presses charges against their kid. She’s negligent and delusional to point she would be okay with others coming in harms way just to not let her kid feel abnormal. I don’t think she wants to admit there’s something wrong with them. Don’t let this slide cause this could have killed you.
NTA at all. Your friend is raising a monster. She seriously thought that was funny as a grown adult? Nearly killing you all is just “kids being kids”??? The kid is 14 ffs! No wonder the child is this out of hand, your friend not only enables but encourages it! I wouldn’t feel safe around either of them, she sounds like a friend worth losing. I was gonna say you could’ve maybe got them a cab or an uber back home but thinking about it I would’ve felt anxious having a hand in putting them in someone else’s vehicle.
You were put in danger and so was everyone around you. The mom laughing is sadly not going to change.
Weird story
She may have been giving this little monster “gentle parenting”.
Nta. That could have caused a one or more car accident with any number of injuries and you’d be listed at fault, for starters.
They wouldn’t be in my car ever again.
I’m so glad you said “former friend”.
I am glad you did the right thing. The child hasn’t learned consequences and looks like today was the day.
Having dealt with this multiple times one of the main reasons I see for parents not getting thei diagnosis as they dont want to be diagnosed themselves.
I have seen it play out this way so many times, they know something is not quite right with them and if the kid is confirmed then they look at the parents and go well that explains a lot and a lot of parents dont want themselves to be labelled…
NTA. She clearly needs therapy herself since she sees her child as being perfect when it’s obvious he’s got something going on… she’s enabling his behavior because he’s the only person in her life, since Dad clearly isn’t around the kid, and nobody’s willing to date her crazy ass with a crazy kid, so she fawns all over her kid since she doesn’t have a partner to do that with.
I guarantee you she’s going to wear white when her kid finally gets married.
Did you start with telling the kid to buckle up and stop what he was doing?
Mom sucks, but it’s not great to leave a kid on the side of the road with a mom that sucks without giving him a chance to correct his behavior.
Tentatively low key YTA
If you crashed as a result of his actions, you could be hurt, dead or held liable for injuring or killing others. Not kid stuff. Not funny. Not worth your life, health, financial security.
NTA.
OMG! How scary! That is not normal. I can’t believe she would just laugh at that. Like, does she not comprehend you all could have crashed and literally died? That is not a joke. Even if the kid thought it was, the mother should know better.
NTA.
This would be a dealbreaker for anyone that values their life and well-being.
If your friend (at the time) thought it was hilarious that their 14 year old covered your eyes while driving, then that lady needs to be checked out too. Because that could have been a fatal accident in a worse case scenario.
Thsts insane
This child is dangerous.
NTA. Your former friend and her kid are TA. Both should absolutely know better. Sounds like an AH raising an AH.
She’s in denial. And so was someone else I knew who I kept telling to get their child checked because their behavior was showing signs of them being in this case on the spectrum. YEARS later the kid was finally diagnosed as such and it only got done because the kid wasn’t grasping the work in middle school and the teachers were strongly suggesting it. It was the father in denial though, always pushed back with the mother because “my son doesn’t have any problems”.
NTA: but I wouldn’t be mad at the kid- especially if they have possible behavioural issues. I’d be mad at the mum for laughing.
Nta. Scary to think this child could be out on their own in 4 years.
It’s not a matter of being the asshole, it’s a matter of fearing for your life. Blinding a person who’s driving a car is just stupid. The kid is in middle school, that’s unacceptable behavior for even a young child. Mom defending that kind of behavior? You’re lucky to get out now, before you get hurt.
WTF!! you never mess with the driver!! A 14yo should know that, and the fact she finds it funny is disturbing. NTA
I taught homebound kids for my organization for several years. One assignment, about 10 weeks, was a child r played Buckle / Unbuckle in their car while they were on a highway. A car came careening across the medial strip, and hit them head on.
My student was not buckled and was injured. Mom and sibling survived ok. Knowing that his injuries would have been much less if he had been buckled made no impact on the student. He was one of the 3 most obnoxious students I ever taught. ,
Mmmkay so she’s going to be laughing real loud the next time her kid tries this, the car gets in a high speed crash (on account of the driver not being able to see and kid, who is not wearing a seatbelt goes flying through the windscreen. I work in law enforcement and I’m here to tell you that what’s left after someone goes through a windscreen at speed is not pretty. At all. 14 is way too old to be pulling stunts like that.
Q:
>AITA?
A: No.
The 14 yo’s impulsiveness is indicative of a problem. There’s nothing wrong with the kid other than having a mother who’s ill informed, uninformed and doesn’t want her child to succeed in life. These parents of adhd kids don’t get that their kid is special, really smart and being hurt by the one who purports to love them. CPS should be called but probably won’t do anything. But that mother, laughing at her kids’ dangerous behavior, makes her scarier than the kid. That, to me, is abuse.
The only really interesting question here is, if you feel you have a genuine connection to the kiddo as someone who has been some type of unofficial auntie, do you separately send a text to the 14 year old? She’s in puberty, she’s in that interesting age range where parents start to practice having more conversations that reflect maturity.
As in, if this had somehow happened with my teenager and me, I would share with them how frightened I felt. How out of control and very scared of hurting other people, myself, my passengers, my car. How this is way past my boundaries for someone I feel safe having in my car.
Now, if your relationship with your friend is bigger than your relationship with the 14 year old, all you can do is excuse yourself.
I feel very good about having pretty adult conversations with my teens, because we’ve practiced it. They would never distract a driver, but they might ask to spend a late night out and it’s not about me making laws, it’s a little conversation checking in that they’ve kept in mind their obligations for the next day and continuing to make good choices.
Nta I think I would have slapped or hit the kid as an auto response to being grabbed while driving. I would put in a cps report to have someone check on them. Updateme
Nta you should have stopped being friends with her a long time ago, especially when she refused to do anything for the kid even when the school advised her to
NTA!
They need to watch Summer in Genoa.
That’s a psychopath. Don’t talk to them again. She destroyed her kid. He’s going to hurt people and she will continue to defend him.
This is how the world is how it is. Tale as old as time.
Lowlife crazies raising lowlife crazies.
NTA.
What? No.
This is no longer a “kid” to be doing reckless things to not only scare someone else, invade their space but also doing it in a clearly inappropriate, dangerous moment.
You are not crazy, stated a boundary and it was rejected with no real reason behind it.
NTA, block her and never speak to that woman again.
NTA. And when that kid’s behavior gets them picked up by the police, it will be the cop’s fault. And when they are in jail it will be the judge’s fault. This mom will end up supporting the little jerk until he’s living off of her Social Security.
NTA. That is a crazy story!!! You were not wrong. Mom is in denial about kid needing help. She thinks if there is something wrong, it’s a reflection of her. What’s more of a reflection that she ignores the problem by not getting help which is just bad parenting.
Sorry but your friend needs just as much help/therapy as her child.
NTA heck that could have killed all of you and others. At hyperactive I’m thinking ADHD but this crazy had got to be something else or something more. Me and both of my siblings have ADHD and have never done anything that dangerous. Stupid and potentially dangerous (usually a bruise was the worst) but nothing that far.
NTA
That wasn’t kids being kids, that was a teenager risking all three of your lives
What a shitty friend.shes just too lazy to parent .
NTA.
You did the right thing and please, don’t go back on your decision for your own sake
“You are such an irresponsible person it became a threat to my life. I never want to see or hear from you again. Delete my contact info.”
Maybe she’ll change, but people rarely ever do. Block them completely before as a joke the kid steals your car or tells people you touched them sexually just for a laugh. You can never have reasonable expectations for what unpredictable people might do.
NTA
I have severe combined type ADHD, my little has it as well, my older 2 kids are AuDHD, none of us would have done that shit at any age! They’re gonna do that one time too many and many people are going to have their lives changed for the worst.
NTA
something really really bad is gonna happen around this kid
The reason he keeps doing that is because his mom lets him walk all over her and doesn’t discipline him, imagine if this kid had a parent who raised him properly? My friends dad was a drill instructor, he wasn’t overly strict or abusive but my friend knew not to disrespect him or act up because he was a intimidating man, there is zero chance my friend would ever do this.
NTA. As a parent of an autistic child with adhd this is unacceptable behaviour and the parent needs to parent. My child used to unbuckle their seat belt and I always pulled over and would not move until they were safely buckled up. I have dealt with a lot of issues with little support but as a parent you deal with it to ensure everyone’s safety. Your friend is idly letting her child do whatever because it’s difficult to parent a nuerodiverse child. That’s on her. You should not have to compromise your safety to accommodate her lack of parenting skills.
NTA. Like, at all. I have a 13-yo and he definitely has ADHD, but seems like he has more control than that monster of a ‘friend’ you have (hopefully that will be changed to ex-friend). Doesn’t she understand that excusing his behavior and not giving corrective actions will just end up endangering the ‘kid’ and others as well?
If you crashed and her kid went through the windscreen because they weren’t wearing a seatbelt guarantee she’d blame you. NTA. Don’t associate with these people anymore
Nope. You were protecting your safety.
Nta but could’ve handled it better.
First 14 is not an early teen. COVERED YOUR EYES?? while DRIVING???
Just unbuckling the seatbelt would have infuriated me. this is unacceptable. NEVER be in a car with EITHER of them again.
Wait she thought it was hilarious? To almost cause a massive accident, while not wearing a seatbelt? Are you sure the kid is the problem? Because how can it ever learn the ways of the world if that is their mother?
Regardless, your ex-friend is going have to take her blinders off. Her child should be evaluated so that her and the school can address the needs of the child as good as possible. That doesn’t mean anything is ‘wrong’ with said child. But they might need a different approach to things.
Also a 14 year old should absolutely understand that what they did was dangerous and irresponsible.
Nta.
You could have all been killed. Your friend is not intelligent enough to be your friend. She should have disciplined her child for that.
NTA.
Just go NC.
Eventually, her kid will begin making HER life difficult for lack of other victims.
NTA. Let’s see your former “friend” say that when you wrap your car around a tree because her son was “just being a kid”.
NTA. That was so dangerous. Cut this person out of your life. She and her kid are TOXIC AF.
NTA – that parent has failed. That kid is going to go to jail one day.
Go ahead and block her number, that kid is a menace.
Nta. Keep them out of your life.
NTA
I would call this in to CPS as medical neglect that’s leading to dangerous behavior that may get the child or people around it killed. Specifically tell them what happened on the road and the mother’s reaction. As well as the number of people you know of that have told her that the child needs to be evaluated and the mother’s response to that.
Stay away from these people.
She could cause qccident..ibthink u need to call child protective service..she not taking cate of her child
Remove yourself from that circus NTA
I do hope this is a spoof post. Utterly ridiculous behaviour at 14. Complete madness
NTA. Don’t just block. Lose them.
NTA- I think you’re right to be referring to her as former friend
Send her this video
https://youtu.be/mKHY69AFstE?si=xPtxBPfpXnGl5pXO
My 4 year old would never. And to think she’s a handful of years away from adulthood and the mom has zero accountability? Yikes you did the right thing
Definitely NTA! A child that age should know better. The ex friend should definitely get her kid checked out.
You could have all died and they ‘were just being a kid’?! Your ‘friend is an idiot and her kid is going to get someone killed, they’re going to get themselves into trouble, ass beating, but they’re going to come up against someone that will do more than just put them out of the car.
NTA. Call CPS and make a report. This child needs help before it is too late.
Needs more info:
YTA if the place you dropped them off wasn’t safe for pedestrians. Other options existed, including requiring your friend to move to the back seat to restrain the kid long enough to find somewhere safe to pull over.
NTA if you dropped them off somewhere safe, where they have access to other transportation and could get home safely.
NTA. First thing needed is proper parenting for the kid.
NTA
OP, this would have been you if there had been a collision or even if you had to slam on brakes.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with your friend because that story is going to end in tragedy somehow.
Block her and move on. Seriously it’s OK.
The kids old enough to know better. If she doesn’t get this child the help that they need then it might even get to the point where you may need to get authorities in. It’s one thing to be in and all about your own beliefs, but to project and deny the obvious facts to the point where you neglect your child’s mental health and development and enabling dangerous behaviour is a whole other can of worms.
I’m not sure which one is more dangerous…the kid or the friend?
One thing IS for certain is I’m not getting in a car with either one.
nta
This is not okay. The child has issues. Nta!
It sounds like the child needs to be evaluated and until the kid is, it is not safe to be around them. Have you considered calling child protective services?
NTA at all! She hasn’t parented her child in such a way that she finds a life threatening situation hilarious. You could have got into an accident or worse.
Yeah that’s dangerous.maybe at a store instead .
Sounds like mother has some issues with parenting. Common with many single parents not seeing the bigger picture as so focused on doing the best for their child. Taken to the extreme, 70% plus of those in prison come from single parent households. The problem seems to stem from people forgetting that a child is a child and needs guidance, and isn’t your mini friend. Depending where you stopped and put them out of the car would make a big difference on whether you a AH or not!
Don’t tell them to get professional help
Tell them to find a father.
I’d call child services and let them know there’s so much neglect (potential medical neglect depending on your jurisdiction), and let them know this child almost killed your and his mother laughed about it. She’s endangering his life (and everyone else’s).
NOPE! HER “CHILD” put you ALL in danger! It was NOT “CUTE”. They were NOT “just being a kid”. Break off this “non-friendship now”! BLOCK HER then WALK AWAY! SHE won’t get her child help. It’s NOT YOUR responsibility to police her child nor put up with HER non-parenting skills. Nor is it YOUR responsibility to help her financially. Think about calling CPS, too.
YOU need to protect YOURSELF!
Good luck!
Actions meet consequences.
Assuming you’re in the US, that “child” will be of driving age in less than 2 years. If this kid doesn’t understand basic driving safety, look out, they are going to be a nightmare driver themselves.
This mother needs some help just like her child. You need to distance this relationship. This could have gotten you all killed. Stop worrying about if you are an AH or not. I don’t think you are?
You handled it just right. WTF
NTA. I’d consider reporting it to the police. I know they’d probably do nothing, but if there’s a chance they would go round and give them a good talking to it might be worth it. This kid could kill someone. Maybe call CPS too. Your friend is neglecting her child by not getting them help.
Not getting the kid evaluated is doing a disservice to the child. Life will be infinitely harder as they grow up (not just for the mom but the child). The more it disrupts their daily life, the worse it will be. Until I was diagnosed, I always thought something was wrong with me and it was my fault. Eventually the kid will feel this way, wondering why they can’t function like other kids. She needs to get the damn kid some help already.
NTA. I don’t know anyone who’s sane, child or not, would do such a dumbass thing. I don’t blame you for kicking them out of the car .
NTA- yeah that’s NOT normal and I would have been furious too. And the sad part is, that’s probably the most consequences that kid has ever seen. Good for you and showing that not everybody’s gonna put up with him like his mother does.
I think that you are perfectly justified in kicking them out of the car & not wanting to be involved with them anymore. That teen is a menace & her mom is enabling her behavior. Sad since you have seen her grow up but nothing wrong with setting a boundary for your own peace & safety.
Nta. If you would’ve let that little brat and his pos mom back in the car you’d be an AH bc you’d be risking your own life and everyone else’s on the road when he goes to do it again. He is 14. In 3 years he pulls something like this he can and will be charged as an adult!! I’d also be reporting mom to cps as she needs some major resources so she can learn how to parent!