TIFU

TIFU by accidentally summoning my neighbor’s ex-wife with a Ouija board app and now she’s living in our shed.

Okay, so, full disclosure, I’m a total idiot. My buddy Dave and I were bored last night. We’re talking REALLY bored. Like, ‘let’s watch paint dry’ bored. So, naturally, Dave suggests we download one of those Ouija board apps and try to contact the spirit world. I know, I know, dumbest idea ever, but bear with me.

We download this app called “GhostComm” (or something equally cheesy) and start asking stupid questions like, “Are there any ghosts in this room?” and “What’s the meaning of life?” We got the usual nonsensical gibberish you’d expect from a fake Ouija board app. We were laughing, thinking it was all a load of crap, when suddenly the planchette starts spelling out “BRENDA.”

Now, Dave’s a little superstitious, so he gets all wide-eyed and whispers, “Brenda? I know a Brenda…” I brushed it off, saying it was just the app glitching or something. But Dave insisted we ask who “Brenda” was. The planchette then spells out “D-A-V-E’S E-X-W-I-F-E.”

Guys, I’m not even kidding, Dave turns WHITE. Turns out, Brenda was a real piece of work. They had a messy divorce, she took him for everything, and he hasn’t spoken to her in years. He’s convinced she holds a serious grudge. We immediately shut the app down, thinking we’d jinxed ourselves or something. We laugh it off, order pizza, and try to forget about it.

This morning, I wake up to Dave banging on my door, looking like he hasn’t slept. He’s freaking out, saying he heard noises coming from our shed. We cautiously walk out there, and I swear to god, I’m not making this up, BRENDA IS SITTING IN OUR SHED, surrounded by empty beer cans and muttering about alimony payments.

Apparently, she’d seen him through the window and decided to take up residence. I don’t know how she even found out where he lived; he moved after the divorce specifically to avoid her. Dave is terrified. He’s calling the police now, but I’m writing this because I’m fairly certain I inadvertently summoned his ex-wife from the depths of marital hell with a stupid app.

TL;DR: Used a Ouija board app, accidentally summoned my neighbor’s vindictive ex-wife, and now she’s living in our shed. Help.

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