I could write a 100 page essay on our family’s history and what we’ve been through to get to this point, but it’s pointless. I’ll just write the run-down of my dilemma.
My mother who is freshly divorced (separated 2 years) began dating again and met her “soulmate” back in September (I’ll call him Jim). They moved super fast, which I probably wouldn’t care about except my little sister (10F) lives with my mom and is being involved in all of this.
Within a month of dating this guy she was introducing him to my sister, and by month 3 they began discussing moving in together. I just feel like they’re moving too fast, considering the divorce was traumatic for everyone, especially my sister. My sister absolutely adores Jim, which I guess is probably a good sign, but I’m still concerned. I’ve met him a couple times and he seems like a nice guy, but I just feel so protective over my mom because her last two marriages were to awful and abusive men.
They’re planing on moving into a house together this summer, and they only just recently hit their 6 month anniversary. Am i right in feeling weird about this?? I don’t want to accuse Jim of being a bad person, but It’s this exact situation that leads to child abuse. I worry about my sister, and also my mom since she has a track record of picking the wrong guys.
Is there anything I can do about this? I haven’t really expressed any of my concern because it’s basically pointless. She is so obsessed with him and won’t listen to me. Over Christmas break he was constantly at our house and when I begged her to make him leave so I could spend quality time with my mom, she was all like “He’s family now, he’s not leaving.”
I feel so stuck, and I’m the only one who really even could do anything about this.
- I should note that I’ve been across the country attending college for the past 4 years, so I’m only ever home during long breaks
Comments
Not much you can do but express yourself. It’s her decision in the end. Sometimes people just fall in to a pattern of picking the wrong ones. Your feelings are normal though and it’s ok to have your concerns
You have a right to be concerned, but ultimately it’s your mom’s decision. She’s an adult and in love. Your sister isn’t expressing any concerns about moving on, so you’re kinda blocked there.
The best you can do is be there. For her and your sister. I’d especially keep in contact with the sister because if your mother has a habit of picking abusers, your sister doesn’t need to see or hear that.
How old are you? And if you were able, would you move back and be interested in gaining custody of your sister, or perhaps can u get your dad to take primary custody? If theres any sign of abuse, yiu could alert CPS
To say “it’s this exact situation that leads to child abuse” isn’t really accurate. All sorts of situations lead to child abuse including 20 year marriages to a child’s parent. It’s not a recipe.
Coming to reddit before actually speaking to your mom is a weird decision. You need to speak to her and even to Jim. Get to know him before you paint him as a child abusing predator.
Yes, your mom is undoubtedly vulnerable, but she’s also a grown ass woman capable of making her own life decisions. There’s literally NOTHING YOU can do to prevent her from moving her boyfriend into HER home. Someone said try to get custody and that’s some delusional advice bc, hello, on what grounds?!
Your mom adores him. Your sister adores him. Just bc “she picked bad men in the past” doesn’t mean she always will.
Teach your sister signs of abuse or grooming if she hasn’t been exposed to this already.
Keep the lines of communication open so if anything changes you can be there for her.
How soon do you graduate? Are you moving home after graduation?
What do you think you could do about it? You’ve had your say and your mom feels she’s found “the one” so you’re just being a downer. I can understand your mom wanting to find someone else but moving someone into the home you share with your young daughter so quickly is worrisome, so be there for your little sister if she needs you and keep an eye out for red flags from this guy and if your sister’s behavior radically changes
I would encourage you to do a background check on this guy. If nothing carry pops-up, that would be great.
Also, get your little sister a cell phone and face time with her two to three times a week.
As long as Jim knows that she has a sibling that keeps track of her. She should be fine.
Good luck and many blessings
Statistically you are not overreacting by having doubts about your sister’s safety. Are you old enough to let your sister live with you? If not then make sure you have a good talk to her about not keeping secrets and what is normal behaviour for adults towards children. You can look up online how to do this the best way. Don’t want to scare you, but unfortunately the chances of abuse go up by lot ones a step parents get into the picture. I hope “Jim” really turns out to be a good guy.