My boyfriend (M22) and myself (F22) have been together for 5 years and we live together . We both have high demanding jobs I am a banker working part time at Wells Fargo and my boyfriend is an advisor at a car dealership. My boyfriend is fine with having sex only once or twice a week . I am very passionate and loving and I express to him how I want it everyday but he just says that I’m too crazy for wanting that much and he never works on it . The things that gets me is we barley have sex and the times we do we only make love for like 1 minute or 2. I love him so so much he’s my first and only but I’m getting very sad being with him because I don’t feel wanted sexually anymore yeah he tells me he desires me but actions are another .. what do I do …
Boyfriend of 5 years lacking intimacy
r/Advice
Comments
I also wanted to add that I also am a part time student as well so we are both busy
Feeling unloved and sexually neglected in a long-term relationship is heartbreaking. No one should feel like they’re asking for too much when expressing a deep need for connection and intimacy from the person they love.
I’m sorry I’ve been there before and they make you feel needy and crazy. I now know you should never have to feel like that. The guy I’m with now makes me feel sexy and wanted without even having sex.
Bang someone else or move on or both
Firstly, every day is wild 😳 life is exhausting!
I think what you’re craving is intimacy and connection, not sex. How is your connection outside of the bedroom? Do you make time for each other? Do you hold hands, kiss, snuggle, be affectionate etc. Because you can do all those things and NOT have sex every day.
Maybe take the focus off the sex and put it onto connection and intimacy for a few weeks and see if that shifts things. But be very aware that he may be reluctant at first, especially if any kind of intimacy usually leads to you expecting sex.
You aren’t crazy for wanted to be intimate, its a basic need especially when in a relationship.
Has his only response to you asking for more is that you’re crazy?
If so you need to explain that it’s serious. Because being dismissive of something like that isn’t healthy especially after 5 years. If he doesn’t want as much sex as you it’s totally fine but he needs to compromise for you.
He might have a lower sex drive
You’re not the problem. There are plenty of guys, especially at that age who would love it daily. Once a week would be an improvement for me. I can’t imagine it daily.
If he won’t meet you halfway or try to work on it with you, it’s okay to think about moving on
The amount of times per week is not the crazy part it’s the length of time that is crazy. If you’re only going to do it once or twice a week then he should at least make it count those few times. Foreplay is absolutely key. You don’t need to be having sex for a super long time, but there should be kissing, touching, oral and other stuff that lasts for a pretty good amount of time. In the very least he needs to do that.
Be open with him and don’t accuse or make a big deal. Simply tell him you have needs that are not being met and if he can’t meet you all the way at least find a happy medium.
It’s also possible he is addicted to porn and it has sapped his sexual appetite. If he is getting off frequently without you then he won’t be as interested to get off with you. If you’re into then ask to watch with him. It can be very arousing and stimulating to watch with your partner. There shouldn’t be any jealousy or anything. You love each other and are just seeing visual stimulation as a catalyst to expressing your pleasures with yourself. Having said all that it’s not for everyone.
Hope you guys get it figured out.
Your sex drives aren’t compatible- I would maybe suggest relationship therapy or counseling because it sounds like there’s probably communication issues as well that are underlying. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to feel wanted, desired & connected to your partner. If he isn’t willing to compromise for you it’s going to start causing resentment issues for both you & him
You have unmatched sexual needs and it will never get better only worse. There are many more fish in the sea who can match your energy hun don’t settle for hot dog water sex when you deserve filet mignon sex
I’m twenty years older than you with the same experience. Yet I married the guy and had two kids. The intimacy got so bad that we never had sex and ended up as roommates. We’re now divorced.
Sexual compatibility is one of the most important things in a relationship. I know you love him, but you two aren’t aligned. You’ll only end up growing hugely resentful as your needs will never be met.
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1-2 minutes? He may have a medical issue.
If he only wants to try to shame you and he’s not taking you seriously – I’d say you have a decision to make.
How much longer are you willing to put your needs aside?
Gods, at 22 I was insatiable. Something is definitely wrong there.
You’re not “crazy.” You’re unmet.
Desire isn’t just words—it’s presence, effort, energy. If you’re starving in a relationship that swears it’s feeding you, something’s off.
Love matters. But so does feeling wanted. And right now, you’re running on fumes.
Be his slut. Let him come home to you in a blindfold on your knees on a pillow with use me written on your chest.
I wish you were my wife because she’s less into sex than your bf 🤦🏽♂️ slowly has killed me over 10 years…
You have different sex drives, unfortunately. You are not crazy at all for wanting to do it every day. That being said, you can’t force someone to have sex more than they want and you/they cant do anything to “work on” their sex drive (unless it’s lacking because there’s something wrong mentally/physically). You have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. Maybe discuss ways to make the times you are intimate feel more satisfying for you, or find other ways to feel that closeness that don’t necessary require sex. Someone suggested counseling- that sounds good. That’ll help you figure out how to feel wanted while still respecting each other’s drives
its ok, hopefully u both make it better…. update us
Sounds like he’s self conscious about being terrible in bed, possibly gay and in denial, a-sexual, or just a shitty boyfriend… whatever it is, it sounds like you need to have a very serious conversation, maybe even an ultimatum about your needs and wishes that he try harder. There are so many guys that would be so happy to please you daily, so what have you got to lose by having the tough convo? Also, 1-2 minutes is for 15 year olds. A real man will spend his time pleasing you, teasing you, does what you like and how you like it, and will happily take his time inside you making it last. If he’s not trying to improve in the bedroom, what’s it going to be like in 5 or even 10 years? Give time one last chance to show you or kick his ass to the curb and when your new man is going down on you for the second time and you are onto the 5th position of the night, you can come back and give an update! Good luck!