When I was younger, I thought “making it” meant money, hustle, status. Now I just want stability, a calm mind, and maybe a good dinner.
No shade to ambition, but these days, peace of mind feels like the bigger flex.
Curious if other guys have had this quiet shift too, or if I just got tired.
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Yeah i went from feeling like wanting my whole life to to be busy, flashy, and publicly recognized to just wanting quiet, clean space, and moments of peace.
Absolutely. I don’t take extra training or promotions, I just focus on my hobbies, working out and meditating. Bruce Lee said it’s not about what you gain, but what you get rid of, get rid of things you don’t need.
TBH I kind of learned the opposite, or maybe just that it meets in the middle. I used to not care about money/hustle/status stuff and still don’t from an ego standpoint, and believed all that mattered was having a great wife and uncomplicated life.
I found that perfect wife, have lots of hobbies, and we have a great life, but as time goes on I wish I would have put more work into my financial success a lot earlier. I’m now 32 and just finished going back to college for a bookkeeping certificate in hopes that I can find a job I like where there is actually a chance for raises and promotions.
100% took all of my 20s to realize that money and success were not the keys to happiness
I always just wanted to play with cool toys. Work provided those toys. Life has been good. But I’ve had more than one supervisor comment that I’m difficult to manage because I’m not motivated by money (never have been).
Yes. I have went beyond what I had originally aimed and hoped for in my career. I don’t have anything to prove to myself anymore in that regard. I still like to push every now and then, but I get much more enjoyment out of mentoring and raising others now.
I’m inches from closing on a house. It’s a small ass house. Nothing unique. I don’t have friends I only have my dad in my life. And I can finally be in peace and silence. Without hearing other neighbors or other tenants around me. My flex will be peace PEACEEEEE AND QUIET AND BEING ABLE TO KEEP TO MYSELF 😎❤️
Yep, 100%. More like 40s.
I chased career success and found it, but it came at the expense of my health, happiness and fitness.
Don’t get me wrong, the financial benefits have been great, but I’m now happy to stop progressing and would rather focus on experiences, relationships, camping, getting outdoors.
I am still in a high demand career, but I care a bit less. Don’t do that extra bit of weekend work, don’t stay late in the office. Say “no” more…
Work in progress to find the balance.
I always expected to end up with a modest suburban home where I live alone. Whatever job I am doing is just enough to afford that and have enough extra retirement and a small amount of fun money.
And that is exactly where I ended up. Could I be more successful? Sure, but I’m not interested in the added stress that comes with that. Outside of work, I have a pretty chill life.
God yes. Don’t get me wrong, whether we like it or not, money is important and chances are if you have more, several aspects of your life will be easier. But I used to be convinced that “making it” meant having so much money you didn’t need to work….and that was it
Then I had stages in my life where I was financially comfortable but so desperately unfulfilled
Success is happiness. Just pure, simple, content, happiness
Not really.
To a large extent, there are things in my life now that I dreamed of having as a kid.
Ice and water direct from the fridge.
A dishwasher
Front load washer and dryer
A big TV
A video game console
A personal book and film collection (not rented from the library or streamed)
Personal funds for hobbies or things like Legos.
I own my house (minus the mortgage)
And I have a little money left after that that my wife and I are able to save.
(List is not all inclusive)
I largely have everything that I want, and I am very happy with that. If that isn’t success, I don’t know what is.
Very much so . I was a super shy kid so after graduating from college and being in my career field I was definitely one to try to network. like crazy , I did lots of small media things ( podcasts and whatnot) . I did lots of media things and got paid little ( if anything) for them but lots of people I knew owuld remark about how it seemed like every few weeks my face would pop up on me doing a new thing.
I just hit 35 and my life is much quieter, I still do occasional speaking things but honestly I make more money than I ever have , I like my job, and all I really want is to chill with my lady and my cat most days .
I definitely prefer the peace now and it was cool to have my whole media blitz period but I think a lot of that was because I wanted to feel seen for once in my life, I got that out of my system and am much happier for it now I think.
Ya I think you just realize you were prepped to believe things and thought you had to be a certain way. Now I’m a husband and a father and I only care what wife and kids think and will do anything to make it possible
The dreamer becomes the realist. And that doesn’t mean dreams die, not at all. Always keep dreaming. But when I was younger dreams consumed my life and what I wanted to pursue, which a great thing to have as a young man.
But as you get older you start to understand the world better and you see how and where you fit. You want that fit to be the best fit possible, comfortable, rewarding, and stable.
At a certain point during my dream chasing, I realized “damn…I think I’d rather just be successful than worry about striving to achieve some nebulous idea of greatness”.
Again, I realize this sounds like a dream is dead but that is not case. It’s seeing how you fit into the dream and how you’re able to realize it as best you realistically can.
At the end of the day, I truly want to feel like the hard work is paying off. Somewhere around 33-35, I had to work smarter and not just “WORK HARD AF AND HOPE STUFF STICKS!”
I am quite high up in my area.
To the point I am basically responsible for all decisions. I get paid very well but there is definitely part of me who questions why did I feel the need to keep “climbing the ladder”. I have a sick wife at the moment, and young kid. I am basically having to run a household , while looking after a kid and working full time (all the time?!?).
Anyway I am not saying the above to boast but definitely listen to that part of you – I feel privileged with what I have achieved but struggling with the pressure sometimes.
Years ago, I felt behind and felt that I needed to be super ambitious to make up time. Now I laugh at that kid. These days, once the bills are paid, we are in the pursuit of happiness.
I would be a bit concerned if someone’s definition of success didn’t change
Yes, I worked pretty hard on getting senior at the company I worked for. Made a lot of money but was burnt out and miserable. Now I work part time and just focus on being a good husband, father, and member of the community. Yeah, our vacations aren’t as nice, and we don’t go out as much but everyone is happier.
It wasn’t quiet.
I met my goals. Secured my pension and now I can chill. I literally rang a bell, shook everyone’s hands, and told everyone if they needed me, they could find me on the couch.
I still work, but now it’s a low stakes job that just puts more money in savings and towards my kid’s future.
The definition of success is a spectrum of milestones for me to achieve.
Unquestionably, yes.
Much much less career ambitious.
Much more priorities focused.
For me that means: my faith, my wife, my kids in that order.
Er for me, it’s a bit of the opposite.
I am not focused on money but I am focused on GROWTH and SUCCESS. Which has allowed me to be easier on myself but also reminding myself getting too comfortable is the opposite of those focus points.
If I have to grind way harder just to chase higher numbers that is NOT a good answer or choice for me.
Definitely… Im a different person now.
Not me. I had a shitty childhood…and adulthood. Just always wishing for that quiet normalcy, but clawing up to the starting line is perpetually a struggle.
Yes I’m a lot less willing to take financial risk now. When I was younger I was willing to take risk but I didn’t have much to loose if things didn’t work out. Now the potential gain has to be much greater for me to take the risk.
Yes it drastically changed during the pandemic, much in the same way that it did for you. I looked at the state of the economy and employment in general and my mind was changed. I also looked at my aging boomer father and decided that I didn’t want his life. My ambitions are elsewhere. In my romantic relationship. In my hobbies. And more recently, in my volunteering.
Yes, I look less at others’ success as a benchmark.
The older you get, the more you realise that people are often not open or even honest about their wealth. Their materialistic success is often due to inheritances, windfalls or loans. So it’s useless to compare, be happy with what you’ve got and strive hard for what you want and need.
After my divorce, my finish line became very simple and clear.
Healthy happy kids. A small house in a good neighborhood. A garage with a shiny, noisy toy in it. A job that pays the bills yet allows me the time to indulge my interests and spend time with the people I love. A happy partner and a healthy relationship.
A month ago, age 56, I put the last piece of that puzzle in place when I married a wonderful woman who delights me in every possible way. Now I’m just going to enjoy it all for as long as it lasts.
Success is…
Are you set for a comfortable retirement?
Can you buy food and pay utilities without worrying?
Do you take a few days off here and there from work to recharge?
I never ever cared about money, hustle, or status as ends in themselves.
What I cared about was safety and security (which money can buy), making the most of my life by developing my skills to the best of their abilities (which looks like hustling), and doing things that are meaningful and valuable to others (which can grant status if you’re lucky).
Today, I still feel the same way.
For sure. I realized a job that I liked and allowed me to do what matters was far more important than a job that maximized my earning potential. If I had to put it in percentages, I’m probably making 70% of my max earning potential at present, and I am sacrificing extreme earning potential down the road by not having the “right” jobs now, but I’m home every day no later than 4, I have my weekends off, I don’t bring home work with me, I can be there for my kid’s activities, still have time for hobbies, and sit on the couch next to my wife and get lost in her beauty or sit and talk shit while watching the bachelor with her.
Could I have a bigger house or nicer cars for my wife and myself? Sure. But at what cost? Time is the most valuable asset we possess, and I’d rather maximize that as opposed to grinding away for someone else to buy more things.
Definitely, family is much more important to me then in my twenties.
I’ve been in survival mode forever. No dreaming of hustle or status. My dream has always been to be home before 5pm and have food in the fridge. I’m crushing it
I have a wife house and my two sons. I have made it for everything that matters to me.
Problem is now I need to make more money to give them the life I want for them.
I used to judge myself by societies various standards. Worried about how to get rich so I could live comfortably.
I was writing a lot more than this, but really, my wants and needs changed, now I just want to eat good good and live in PJs. Happiness is what really matters.
My definition of success has always remained the same: purchasing a home that necessitates a ride on lawn mower and not stressing out or financing the purchase of said lawn mower.
I used to be more of a corporate climber for sure, but once I got to the point where my salary supports my hobbies and interests with some room to spare, now I just kinda chill and do my job and focus on stuff outside of work. If promotions and raises come, great, if not, I’m not stressing.
100% agree with your assessment. I had all sorts of dreams that I explored and attempted. I got farther in some than others.
I’m about to turn 37 and post 35 it really kicked in for me that a nice, peaceful life with my wife and kid with stability and good friends, close family, and just enough to not have to be able to have hobbies and not constantly worry about money is what my true definition of success looks like.
Again, no shade to anyone’s dreams, but this is something I’ve definitely reflected on a lot personally, and I feel very secure in that current definition of success for myself.
Money makes nearly every aspect of life easier and gives me more time with my family, not less.
Hard to not conflate that with success.
> When I was younger, I thought “making it” meant money, hustle, status. Now I just want stability, a calm mind, and maybe a good dinner. No shade to ambition, but these days, peace of mind feels like the bigger flex. Curious if other guys have had this quiet shift too, or if I just got tired.
I’ve always lived around the Living Wage MIT project’s level of life and when I went over that, income wise, I saved it all. So yeah, I’ve been this way since I was 30 too where I just want a calm and peaceful lifestyle.
Yes. I was looking at taking over the accounting firm one day. My boss at the time is brilliantly smart and rich but he works 70-80 hours a week, never see his wife and kid.
I changed career completely and I am now at a job that is only moderately successful but has Flexi hours and work from home. I only work about 10 hours a week for the equivalent pay of my old job as accounting manager working 10 hour days.
For the past 4 years I have time for the gym, no stress, walk my dog, make friends and read books and after 4 years of this I feel this is what success is for me, not some job title CEO or whatever.
I found out that all these titles and pushing to burn out is really just to get titles, money, and lifestyle because society or the ladies told us this is required, I now finally live my life for myself.
Yes, but mostly as a function of how long I’ve worked. I now want to retire much earlier 😅
Yup. I used to want to be a famous director. I spent much of my 20’s chasing that dream. Working long hours on set. Using all of my extra money to make short films. I would have never admitted it then, but I clearly just wanted attention, money, attention, fame, respect, etc.
Chasing that dream HUMBLED me. I put in so much work, started to have a mild amount of success in that industry and then COVID hit and basically shut down the industry for a bit. That’s when I changed things.
I still love to make things and will probably always seek to express myself creatively, but now I do it because I love it. Not for attention or money or fame.
When I turned 30, I started going to therapy, started a new relationship with a woman I love and basically started pursuing a “normal” and “boring” life. But I am 100x happier. My life is calmer now. And strangely I don’t regret my 20’s. I did a lot of dumb stuff and wasted a lot of time, but I feel if I didn’t I would have always thought “what IF I actually tried to follow my dreams?”.
Yes.
To not be burnt out, have the money and time to do things with my family. And be able to give back to my community and others
Yes, and it’s supposed to. It’s called growing. Not growing up, just growing. You’re supposed to do it all life long. If your definition of success hasn’t changed from your 20s to your 30s you’ve failed to grow as a person. If it’s still the same in your 40s, you’ve failed to grow as a person.
We don’t have to become completely a different person, but also if you stay the same person you are demonstrating that you hit the peak of your capability of maturity a long time ago. Learn, grow, adapt, change, and do the best for now.
I JUST WANT MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE! IS THAT SO BAD?
I stopped being envious of other people and assuming they’re better off/happier than I am. I try to practice real gratitude everyday and I feel way happier and more satisfied because of it.
I’m the opposite, I cruised when I was younger, now I study and chase what I believe I’m capable of.
I never cared to “make it” but I just want to afford to give my kids the life I didn’t get. Stability, loving parents that can make it to their extra curricular activities, and a vacation or two a year. If that means I have to hustle, grind, etc. so be it, the end goal is to let my kids be kids as long as possible. It’s a cold world when you become an adult, no need to do it too early.
The more I make, the more I use it to buy time, not stuff
I have continued to lower my bar more and more and I’m not even sure where that bar is gonna end up.
When I was in HS, I wanted a good career, wife, maybe some kids, and to be a homeowner. In my early 20s I was on track to have it all.
My mid 20s, I lost my relationship, but I did get my career job in accounting. I eventually burned out from the long hours and no social life by my late 20s. Today the job market is so cooked and nothing leads to anything, despite having experience and a degree. Employers are looking for a unicorn candidate and love to string you along with no hopes of actually hiring you.
I have no relationship, dating life is non-existent, never gonna be a homeowner, and eventually the cost of living expenses are going to catch up to me. Idk what the fuck happened man or how I can even bounce back from any of this.
Everyone around me is just passing me by in every aspect of life.
Absolutely. I was all about trying to climb the ladder and get promotions through my early 30s. Now after corporate burnout I just want a job that pays enough to not have to worry about the bills and lets me have time to enjoy my family and hobbies.
Oh I 100% am onboard with stability and calm. Last year I joined a series A startup though so I took a huge cut in available cash comp (was at NVIDIA), so I’m feeling the hustle pains a bit right now, but it’s temporary and my last run at something big before downsizing, moving to the woods, and woodworking until retirement. That was a ridiculous run on sentence but that’s where I am.
Even though I’m at a startup, I’ve drawn hard lines and have a solid quality of living. I’d love some more base comp but that’ll come in time. Having the founders cell numbers and being in the first 100 employees will pay off.
My management team (im one step from C Suite), is entirely onboard with family life and have been amazing.
Absolutely. In my 20s to mid 30s I was unstoppable. Rapid career trajectory, won lots f awards, given all the funding. Now I don’t do any extra training, don’t want the promotion, don’t want to work more than I absolutely have to. So much more to life than that crap. Everyone on the leadership team I’m part of is so passionate and push each other over to dominate the floor, do all the extra work to get noticed… meanwhile I’m calm, realize the exec will do what they want so no use getting all warped about it, and shut my laptop at 4 while the others stay on for hours strategizing and foaming at the mouth to get ahead.
Tl;dr burnt out mid 30s and no longer give a shit.
I’ve never seen hustle as a definition of success, if you mean working non stop. But I do see money as a sign of success. My wife and I have a net worth of $2.2MM and I feel very successful. I can buy all the small things I want. Life is incredible when you chase the money by going for high paying jobs.