If the answer is no, then I would feel less depressed by this next questions answer. Is it weird that a parent goes on a trip to another country with friends on your 40th birthday?
Edit: sorry but I meant to say, my parents is taking the trip with out. I’m turning 40, and she decided to go on this trip knowing it was going to be on my birthday.
Maybe I’m being too selfish? She’s done abroad vacations with friends before, but my whole life she never took me with her.
Her perspective was if you can afford it you can go.
Edit:edit: sorry again. It’s not that I don’t get to go, it’s just the timing of a trip that makes me question if my 40th birthday means anything. I’m being told it’s more up to me and friends to care about it? But not my parents. Which is fine just wanted to ask if it was a big deal if your parents plan to go on a trip on such a birthday?
Edit edit edit : thanks for the info, I got a lot more helpful people giving me an answer than the unhelpful. Which really gives me a better perspective.
Appreciate all who gave constructive criticism comepaired the minority whom I should expect to be rude. It’s the internet there is always someone. Thanks again guys.
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I just went to work like a normal day for mine.
30 was way bigger for me than 40. Also way harder on me.
Yes it’s widely regarded as a milestone. No it’s not weird to go on a trip for it.
Idgaf about my birthday but my wife does. I would not care about people going away at that time either, parents or not.
I only celebrate birthdays that are prime numbers
It’s the official “over-the-hill” birthday. Personally I don’t give a shit about birthdays but some people view them as something meaningful
Parents don’t get to do anything fun for milestone events? Live your life. Put yourself in your kids’ shoes—would you want to find out that YOU were the reason your mom or dad didn’t take a big milestone-birthday trip?
Also, any birthday is as big a deal as you want it to be. Most times, nobody will care more than you do.
It’s weird any time a parent disregards a birthday. Doesn’t matter which.
Yes and no…I mean it’s kind of a bigger deal with you and your friends (IMO) I didn’t do anything that big with my parents; we grabbed dinner that week but it wouldn’t have been crazy to me if they were away. If yours don’t acknowledge it at all, then I’d be pissed but otherwise there’s not just one way to celebrate.
Birthday parties don’t have an age limit. Go have fun and enjoy your only 40th Birthday.
Ive never personally cared about my birthday, so to me the answer would be no. Especially the second question. If you’re turning 40 your parents Im guessing are at least in their 60s, Id be stoked about my parents taking a fun trip, I wish they travelled more.
I say my last birthday that really meant anything to me was 35 then most my birthdays go on like they’re no big deal. My family and I are all poor and most my friends are online anymore. My local friends I could hardly call as such they are flakey whenever I try to invite them to do anything with.
Anyhow happy birthday
Is something planned for the birthday? How far away is it?
I’ve lived across the country for my parents for 20 years. If they happen to be in town, included in birthday plans – concert or dinner, etc.. but them attending wouldn’t be the norm
Do you want it to be? That’s kind of your call.
For me, yes. My birthday coincided with the NYC marathon and ran it on my 40th
Birthdays are a good and easy excuse for people to gather, especially at that age when you’re seeing less and less of them. 39, 41, yes. 40, absolutely.
Some people consider it a significant birthday. I personally don’t. But then again, I’m not a birthday guy.
If you want to enjoy your birthday then go ahead and enjoy it. If you are more introverted like myself and find group situations a chore then don’t. It’s your birthday! My ideal birthday now would probably be taking my dog and my favourite car on a long drive and sitting up a mountain somewhere and then coming home and sharing a bottle of champagne with my wife. Sounds like you know what your ideal birthday is, so go and enjoy it.
Mine was middle of Covid and we had complete country lock down. No booze, no travel, no visits by friends, no restaurants.
It’s the biggest deal ever! Bigger than Toyotathon
Mine wasn’t
At 40, do whatever you want. Have a party, don’t have a party. Go to a nice restaurant or go to the Pub. Do what makes you happy.
After 21 no birthdays should be a big deal. Thank your mother for being born, don’t celebrate yourself.
Birthdays are what you make of them, personally I don’t care about the big birthday milestones.
But what you are asking is a different question, I think you are asking:
How do I deal with feeling like my parent isn’t into what I consider a big milestone in my life, and chose to spend their time with other people instead of me.
It was a long time ago, like 25-40 years ago? There would be “Over the Hill” parties with gravestone cakes and prescriprion bottle stuff. My dad had one in 89.
I don’t think I’ve heard of many turning 40 parties in a while.
BUT with that being said… yeah that’s messed up.
For me no because it was the pandemic and it just wasn’t an option. My friend however had a big party planned.
It’s as big of a deal as you want to make it. I’d much rather invite some friends over than my parents. I’d hope they’re having a good time over seas while I’m having a good time with some food, drinks, and games with my friends. Make them sing to you and get a big cake.
I haven’t celebrated my birthday since I was in my early 20s.
Every day you’re a year older than you were this day a year ago, it’s just a number.
I went on a trip with my wife for my 40th. I wouldn’t have expected my parents to take me somewhere. They called and sent a card, just like any other birthday.
It’s as big of a deal as you make it. I sat at home for mine, because lock down. Sucked.
I don’t think it’s weird that a parent goes on vacation, but by 40 I was no contact with my mother and my dad lives far away. Sorry, maybe you can party with some friends?
My mom wanted to make a big deal out of it, have a party, etc. I told her it’s not a big deal, just another day. I went to work then bought myself dinner at BJ’s and atea pizookie. Woo hoo.
It was just another day for me.
For a man? I don’t view it as any bigger than any other. After 18 does any of them matter? Some will say 21 but I’m not a big drinker and I never had a problem getting it before I was 21 so it literally didn’t matter
No 40th wasn’t a big thing, had a cake me and the wife ate it over a few days that was about it.
It would have been weird if my parents had gone on a trip with friends as they had both been dead for few years.
39 this past March and I forgot my own birthday. Not sure 4p will be any different.
Pretty much a functioning man owns his own reward system and strives to be independent of others for endorsements. This means graciously accepting any kind of accolades that come one’s way but not building a dependency on them. When my kids were little I went through the family birthday party events on my birthdays as I felt it was an important act for them. Now that I’m older, my birthdays entail me off on a motorcycle run, eating fire cooked steaks alone at a remote lakeside with a beer. I put myself in charge of my birthdays and they go well and good.
Mommy didn’t buy me a balloon for birthday? You’re 40. An adult. I threw a party for myself and asked my friends and it was very memorable. I got to manage who was there. I say …If u want it, you do it.
Wait so you’re turning 40 and want your parent(s) to pay for you to go on holiday with them?
I just went out with the boys for my 40th. My wife was pregnant so she picked up my drunk ass at the end of the night. My parents were not involved at all.
You can make a big fuss or not. It’s up to you. If you do make a big fuss, it doesn’t have to be with your parents. It can be with your friends and other family members.
No. Business as usual just like most other birthdays.
You’re 40. Why would you expect a parent to take you with them as if you’re still a child???
I asked my parents to come to my house (6 hours away) for my 40th birthday. Thought it would be really great!!
They had bought concert tickets in advance. Clearly they knew the date. I was a bit disappointed, but whatever.
All I know is for my kids I’ll be more present for milestones.
(FWIW, I received no birthday messages on my 21st birthday. My entire family forgot. Siblings. Parents. Grandparents. Girlfriend. Meh. I’m over it)
I think every decade is special. A lot changes in a decade.
It’s a big deal for some people, but not for others.
It wasn’t a big deal for me and I wouldn’t expect my family to schedule anything around it.
However my wife thought it should be a big deal, so we went on a trip to a place I liked. But only because she pushed for it.
I think it’s a big deal. But It depends on the person for sure as some people wouldn’t want it celebrated.
But in your case it does seem a little uncaring that your parents are going away. Especially if you are someone that would want it celebrated.
Are you expecting your parents to take you with them? I’m confused
It varies. Some people make a big deal out of birthdays. I take the day off work but otherwise it’s a normal day.
I’ve known people who did nothing, and I’ve known a couple of guys who made the whole year of their 40th open for party, with skiing, golfing, parties, and trips abroad.
It’s really up to you if it has meaning and how much meaning that is.
It’s not a big deal. I took the day off work like I usually do and went to do something and get a day buzz solo in the peace and quiet before kids got home
Depends on the person. I don’t think it’s weird that you’re mom is going on a trip without you and it happens to be your 40th birthday.
I have a friend who always wants to do something for my birthday, but only because he wants people to make a big fuss about his. My sister kind of made a big deal about my 40th, but I told her we had to pretend like it wasn’t my birthday.
Shit, I was deployed and stuck in the desert. Smoked myself with a good workout and bought a cheap game on Steam. About as big a day as any, I guess.
I really think it’s a personal thing. 30 was big so was 50. 40 not so much I think it had more to do with where I was in my life
In what context? Culturally? Biologically? Personally?
I never quite understand why people ask others how to value something. It’s a personal preference. If 40 is a big deal to you, then make it a big deal for yourself. If not, then don’t.
Last 10 birthdays I’ve had have been non-events. I don’t care for birthdays or parties.
It’s not cool to hate on any birthday. You should call your mom that day because it’s her special day too (if yall talk that is) and you should do something fun for yourself.
You, a grown man, are upset because your mum will be on holiday on your birthday. Wow
Only if you want it to be, some people will make any birthday a massive deal and celebrate it for a week
I did not find it a big deal. I think it is just fine to think it is a big deal for yourself, but that does not mean everyone else needs to do so. If you want to celebrate it as special, invite your parents over when they get back. If you are expecting a trip fully funded at 40, that might be a bit much. Happy birthday to you either way! Make it special for you.
As time goes on, the less and less I want to do anything for my birthday. My wife and her family make a big deal of birthdays and I have to plead with them to just forget about mine. It’s always near a busy time of year and we’re never around for it. The best I’m able to do is just get them to combine it with someone else’s.
No birthdays are important imo but some people go all out. Each to their own
No
My mom is a boomer. I was born in the winter. She is in Mexico every year on my birthday. Haven’t seen her on my birthday for at least a decade. Probably won’t see her on my birthday again until she is too old to travel. Way she goes. Boomers gunne be boomers.
Just another day for me. But this is coming from someone that has on more than one occasion not realized it was his birthday on the actual day.
For my 30th I went out for drinks with a few friends; I’d be pretty content if my 40th is similar.
You’re 40, time to cut that cord. Figure that your parent(s) made sacrifices on their milestones for you and, if any, siblings, and they’ve done their job. Time for them to enjoy themselves.
I haven’t spent every birthday with my parents, and we have a fantastic relationship, since I was in my early 20s.
I haven’t made a big or little deal of my birthdays ever, and my 30, 40, and 50 birthdays were no different; thankfully my wife agrees with that idea.
No. 16; 21; 30.
Yes. All 10s and 5s are big ones and 10s twice so.
No
40th birthday is generally a big deal but at that point in my life my parents barely remembered by birthday. I lived hours away and my wife, kids and friends were the ones who made it a big deal
If you’re over 21 then nobody should give a shit about your birthday including you.
I’d rather ignore my birthday. Sometimes I even turn my phone off. My wife is the only one who wants to make a big deal out of it.
No birthday is a big deal after 21, in my opinion. Maybe 26 when you get the car insurance improvement, at most.
Some people seem to think so, but really it is just another number. My daughter told me the other night that girls mature faster than boys. Girls brains reach full maturity at 25 and boys at 28. Then she asked me how old I felt (I am 45) and I told her “about 26, right before I fully mature”. She laughed.
Hmm couple things to keep in mind..
Lots of people don’t make it to 40 with parents still alive/healthy enough to do anything.
My wife’s 40th, the “big” thing was a party at a local brewery that I reserved the top space and got it catered.. it was during her actual birthday weekend.. her parents weren’t even invited let alone there or contributed (and they have a wonderful relationship with us). It was all her friends and close coworkers.. we then met with her parents the next day to pick up our son (they watched him for the night so we could drink a little), gave her a card/gift and we had like lunch.. no fuss
I think I would be more upset if she forgot your birthday, didn’t get you a little something to at least acknowledge your birthday, or at least a text on the day, etc..
I’ll be 40 soon, but all my birthdays like post -18 have been with my friends, and my parents just call or text and I see them whatever weekend I’m
Free near my birthday and usually have a small gift for me.. I think they actually get hurt more that I celebrate with my friends over them which makes me feel a little bad 😂
As someone whose parents are always there for me on every one of my birthdays, I couldnt imagine missing my kids, let alone purposely planning something on it.
No birthday of mine has been a big deal since I was like 10.
When I was rather young, I saw my parents, their friends, my older siblings, and their friends handle birthdays differently. Those who made a big deal out of birthdays tended to fixate more on getting old and more often than not had the midlife crisis issues of stupid purchases, getting divorced to find themselves, and such. I know this is a gross generalization, but I swear those who, after a certain birthday (mine was 25), just went on with their life and stopped focusing on how old they are and what they’ve accomplished tended to have a happier life. Were any of them perfect? Lord, remember that birthdays, like virginity, are a made-up concept.
I planned my own 40th, you will be the only person that does. We’ve always had our moms plan our birthdays growing up and then once you’re an adult it stops. No one will make a big deal out of it if you don’t. If you want to go have fun, do it. If you don’t don’t. But I wouldnt expect anything more than maybe a call or a text from my folks
My dad forgot to call me until 2 days after. Meanwhile my wife threw a party for me with my friends.
My last “big birthday” was 13 in 1999. I didn’t want it, but my mom insisted.
If you want it to be. I couldn’t care less about any birthday personally.
No
Based on all these responses, I know give me credit to the idea that men are conditioned to not celebrate their birthdays.
I’ll say that it can be as big of a deal as you want it to be. Personally, for some time, I never made a big deal out of it, but when I was turning 40, I thought, “We don’t know how many of these we have, why not do something to make the occasion?” Since then, I have tried to be a little more frivolous and to attempt to try to find something new to do for my birthday or to at least something different.
I get the disappointment about your mom, but she should be able to live her life too. Instead of doing something on your birthday, arrange something with her before and have a time with her if you feel inclined!
On my 40th birthday I went to work and didn’t tell my coworkers it was my birthday. Since I’ve been an adult I’ve handled birthdays like an adult and don’t celebrate them with my parents
I had dinner with my family nothing too crazy
Yes, I would say that if you want your 40th birthday to be a big deal, it absolutely should be. And I don’t know if you should be offended about whether or not your parent went to another country, how is your relationship with them?
I had a party at a gym run by an American Gladiator alum. Got most of my friends to show up in athletic attire ready to do padded quarterstaff battles and swing into a ball pit and climb nets. It was a blast.
It is a big deal but I have my own family. I would have zero issue if my my went on my 40th or any other milestone
I’m trying to remember what I did on my 40th and I can’t.
Does that answer your question😉
“Yes or no, Is the 40th birthday supposed to be a big deal?”
Depends on the particular person.
You’re 40 … you have your own life and so does your mum. Celebrate it with or without her because when you’re my age, 40 looks pretty fucken good!
Mine was a big event with my partner and friends but that doesn’t mean it involved my mum in any way more than the usual she posted me a present and phoned me on the day. She wouldn’t have expected to be involved and I wouldn’t have thought anything of it had she been out of the country on the day.
Life is much better when birthdays and anniversaries are celebrated. Growing up we didn’t do birthdays much, same with first wife, second wife was all about celebrating everything. Much better.
I had the best steak and 150 year-old flight of Port I’ve ever had on my 40th. Treat yourself.
It’s a birthday. The world doesn’t revolve around your birthday. Celebrate when they get back. You’re 40, FFS.
The biggest besides your 21st. That’s about midlife. I had the best 40th birthday, not to rub it in. I had a party, met my musical idol and hung out with friends and had special things happen with my significant other. My most memorable birthday.
You should treat yourself if your parents won’t.
I personally think it’s weird that people care so much about “birthdays”. I think the bigger question is why weren’t you invited on the trip?
I couldn’t care less about my bday.
On my 40th, I grilled some steaks for my wife and kids.
Whatever Mod is removing completely innocuous comments you need to stop. I will continue to approve them.
I couldn’t care less about my bday.
I think I grilled steaks for my wife and kids on my 40th. I grill steaks for them on a regular basis. I’d have been fine spending it on my own too
I haven’t actually cared about celebrating my birthday since I was 15. I don’t know why I would care to start at 40 in a few years. Some people care about their birthday a lot, but some are on the opposite end of that spectrum. If it bothers you, then it bothers you, our opinions aren’t going to invalidate that. It’s your life and your relationships.
No and no.
30 is a big deal, because it means you haven’t died of fentanyl related overdose yet, so you are probably going to make it, and 40 is unremarkable because you haven’t reached the bottleneck of morbidity from acquired diseases of affluence yet.
My parents haven’t celebrated my birthday since I was a kid. You’re living a much different life.
It means what you want it to. I’m having my 40th end of May and invited a bunch of friends and family to camp at a campground close to me. I rented out a secluded section with cabins, tent space and camper space. Got a bounce house and obstacle course for the the kids and it’s gonna be a great time.
It’s entirely up to you if it’s a big deal. However, it’s not up to your mum to provide you with what you want – you’re 40!
If it means something to you, then it should mean something to your mom. She seems to be acting selfish.
But if it doesn’t mean much to you, then she’s just going about her business and living her life.
wtf?
You’re a man and you’re turning 40. Nobody cares. Carry on.
The bigger question is why you give two shits about what your parents are doing on your 40th?
You know what I did on my 40th birthday? Broke 3 ribs slipping and falling in the shower trying to fool around with my wife, spent 6 hours confirming injury at ER (to find out there nothing they can do), got drunk, ate sushi, got more drunk (dealing with the pain was hard), got a birthday BJ’er from the wife, then drank till I passed out sitting up on my couch streaming old episodes of Frasier.
I hoe 50 is better! Ha!
Depends how you treat your own birthday. Last week I got 45, went to work and did some cleaning at home later.
I hate my birthdays and I try to keep a low profile.
Others celebrate it and enjoy it and that’s probably more healthy than my self hate trip.