I’ve always been a bit oblivious, and have taken exceptional care to not read into things too quickly.
I started going to a coffee spot back in February, and a barista there and me hit it off. Nothing insane, normal coffee shop banter. Often times I would have work meetings there due to how convenient the location is, so she started to feel comfortable with me as a regular. She gave me what (what I thought) plenty of hints from what she used to do for work, to the area she lives in, and so on with literally no solicitation from me.
She then started making fun of my very basic drink, and started offering to make more customized ones. This went on all the way through March. Every time I’d come in she would go out of her way to take
My order, and her coworkers would make sure they let her.
Anyways going into April I was 99% convinced she liked me. As I said earlier I am oblivious – so I like to make sure I wait until I know. So normal day, I walk in with the intention of asking her out.
She’s not there.
Well fuck, so I order my drink and book out she comes 2 minutes later; she was in the back.
I get pretty determined on things, so rather than waiting another time I sat and finished my drink. Once I did, I got up, with it in hand and walked up to the counter.
Now here’s where it gets pretty funny. I never noticed a ring on her hand – whelp as I was walking to the counter I did and I tripped on a lane separator. I was full send at this point, and instead of saying mission abort at the very obvious ring I blurted out my lines and she smiled at me. “You seem really cool, but I’m married”
Freeze frame, lock up, “are you?” “Wow”
I said cool a couple times and left.
Arguably the most awkward interaction in my entire life.
TL;DR
I crushed hard on a barista for three months without ever realizing she was married, went to asked her out, physically tripped and then completely shut down when she alerted me that she was married.
Comments
ah further proof that all the good ones are taken.
Cool cool cool cool …….. cool
You should know by now that the people taking your order and being nice are just doing their jobs. (Also, her not wearing a ring meant nothing, anyway.)
Someone mistook kindness for flirting?!? This is most certainly a first on Reddit.
At least that’s not too much of a fuckup.
I had the same thing happen a number of years back. I’d go to a coffeeshop regularly and work on my laptop. The barista would only charge me for my drink about half the time. She’d sometimes come over and chat. I was totally convinced that she was interested in me. I asked her out. Turns out that she was in a relationship and lived with her boyfriend.
I felt super awkward after that. Although I didn’t really do anything wrong. Felt dumb for misreading the whole situation, though.
You miss every shot you don’t take.
-Wayne Gretzky
— Michael Scott
I say good for you- you took your shot. Nothing to sneeze at. More then what most people would do – hold your head up high and don’t be shy to keep going back there
As a long time barista, I can say she may very much enjoy your company without being interested sexually, or being available. Some regular customers are better (and more interesting) than others. That will definitely get you a special drink. Plus you never know. Life is long. I was engaged as a barista and it didn’t work out. I would definitely date a regular customer later on if circumstances played out in a way where it worked.
“Ah, too late. They’re so lucky!”
Hey it was a fun ride and what a rush! I know you feel a bit crushed and deflated, but before you realized you were walking on cloud nine,
We’ve all been there, working up the courage to talk to a mad crush. Do try not to take it so hard.
Go back to the coffee house, and say “oh sorry, I didn’t realize. What a lucky guy!” She might be impressed by the confidence and you might make some new friends to hang out with beyond business barista you joke with from time to time.
I don’t understand why you couldn’t just not speak after you saw the ring?
You accomplished more than what 95% of men will ever do. This is supposed to happen from time to time.
You should have suspected something when she took a job working for tips.
Don’t sweat it. Married people are still people. She was probably flattered and the tripping made it cute.
This is not a fuck up. Maybe your reaction to her telling you that she was married. But asking for a date from someone who you like (especially if you think they really like you) is by no means something you should regret. You did the right thing, because otherwise you’d ruminate on not doing this and it would take even more courage the next time (with another person).
The productive and useful mindset/framing for rejection really is to think that you were brave and cool (she even told you that 😉) for doing it. It makes it easier the next time. Until then maybe you can think of some funny comebacks to rejections so that you both feel better and also to reframe it for the other person. (Not all rejections are final and even if so the reframing can take the edge away for both of you.)
Smells like a well crafted ChatGPT story. Don’t worry, there are plenty of other AI fish in the sea.
Don’t ever go to a Dutch Bros, OP. You’ll think all the bro-istas have the hots for you. Even the guys.
I guess you have to find a new coffee shop now.
it happens. i asked a married coworker if she had a boyfriend. you live and you learn
Typical redditor
Perception check: critical failure.
My ex wife had a friend who was a bank teller. She was a naturally flirty type woman. She would always say how some guys would hit on her and ask her out. When she relayed the interactions it was clear that she was giving signals and a guy would go for it. She would then say “oh I’m married.” My ex didn’t believe she cheated but it was obvious to me that she really liked that aspect of the chase.
I get a similar vibe from that barrista. I think you made her day.
Consider it a win.
Maybe you can relax now, and maybe she has available friends?
I can say I’ve had something similar happen more than zero times, and at least trying to pivot into the friend zone can salvage your time
And if not, oh well. You have a nice story to bring up!
Funny reaction, but normal. Don’t sweat it much, go back and be normal.
Could be worse. My wife stopped wearing her wedding ring because men would flirt MORE with her when she was wearing it. One creep actually said, “Oh, I see you’re married! Well, he doesn’t need to know…”
Don’t be that guy.
Would’ve been more believable if he noticed the ring mid-question or immediately after the question prior to her response.
How can any man not scope this at some point over 3 months of flirting? Unbelievable. Literally.
Make some jokes about how in the hell you miss that rings for months and play it off
Obviously the next move is to arrange for the husband to go on a very long “vacation.”
Ow.
yeah, next time check for rings.
I do hope you can get over this and go back again; you seemed to get on well anyway.
Understand. It’s always respectful and in the interest of self preservation to ask if someone is involved first however.
Who cares? This event has no negative impact on anything in your life that actually matters to you. It does give you a funny story to tell, which matters a little. So it’s a net gain. Just live your life bro.
Always worth a shot. Some women wear rings just to stop guys from asking them out. This one just didn’t work out in your favor.
Not a fuck up, nothing to be embarrassed about other than maybe the tripping hah.
This is so weird. I did almost this exact thing years ago!
I visited a local coffee shop and the same barista was usually working. We chatted a bunch, found out we both like reading, old stuff, and hiking. I really liked her and wanted to ask her out. One day the shop was slow. No one around just her and I. I sat and drank my coffee, building up the courage to actually do it. I finish my coffee and walk up there.
“Hey, so would you maybe want to go on a hike with me sometime?” I said nervously, not making a whole lot of eye contact.
“I probably shouldn’t…..I’m married.”
“OH! You are! Um…..well he’s a very lucky guy!”
“Thanks, that’s sweet.”
“Ok um…..bye.”
I book it out the door at damn near a run. I was horribly embarrassed. I tell people she took off her ring to work with the coffee, that’s not true though, I legit just didn’t look. I did not go back to that coffee shop for months. When I did eventually go back, I never saw her.
So from someone who quite literally has been there. You’ll live. It’s embarrassing and awkward, but she likely doesn’t look at you badly. You didn’t know and I’m sure she was flattered. This will just be a story you tell people later. “I asked out a married barista once, that was embarrassing.”
WTAH? You made a rookie mistake. Some basic ground rules: people in service industry interact with customers, with the regulars this interaction is usually more informal than with the occasional ones. Consider this as a learning experience.
its not a fuck up. dont worry about it. continue hitting up random strangers.
OP, good shot. Next time you hear that, just say “your husband is a lucky bastard! You tell him that.”
Double down in style. Next time you see her, order a “long shot,” and ask if the marriage is meeting her needs.
Years ago I met a woman working at a gym. We flirted. Crushed hard on her for months. I was considering asking her out when she introduced me to her husband one night. He’s awesome, and she’s become one of my best friends!
Ugh that’s a tough one but you will survive it 😅😅
I once thought a girl was hitting on me turns out the guy next to her was her boyfriend I just thought both of them were friends 😅😅😅🤷🏾
Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?