Hey guys, I know that this may not be the perfect subreddit to ask this but I don’t use Reddit often and I trust this community. I’ve seen how they help others.
So as the title suggests I (25) just found out that I am 4 weeks pregnant and we will be getting our first ultrasound done on the 16th. My husband (26) and I have been trying for almost two years now and I should be really excited but I am nervous or feel numb at best. Not because I am not excited to be pregnant but because I am convinced that I am going to miscarry. I know that more common in the first trimester and I have PCOS and a uterine septum so this puts me at a high risk for a miscarriage.
Now we are not telling very many people, we told my sister and one of my close friends who lives near by and then my husband told his immediate family. And everyone keeps telling me i should be excited. But I am really struggling to be. Every cramp I have I panic, every time I feel discharge I check to make sure I am not bleeding. I just don’t know what to do. I wish I could talk to my mother about this but both my parents died in the last 5 years, so I can’t talk to her but I know she had similar issues. So please if anyone here has had similar issues I would really appreciate the advice. I know it’s something where only time will tell but I feel like I am driving myself crazy right now.
Thank you two hot take community.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hey guys, I know that this may not be the perfect subreddit to ask this but I don’t use Reddit often and I trust this community. I’ve seen how they help others.
So as the title suggests I (25) just found out that I am 4 weeks pregnant and we will be getting our first ultrasound done on the 16th. My husband (26) and I have been trying for almost two years now and I should be really excited but I am nervous or feel numb at best. Not because I am not excited to be pregnant but because I am convinced that I am going to miscarry. I know that more common in the first trimester and I have PCOS and a uterine septum so this puts me at a high risk for a miscarriage.
Now we are not telling very many people, we told my sister and one of my close friends who lives near by and then my husband told his immediate family. And everyone keeps telling me i should be excited. But I am really struggling to be. Every cramp I have I panic, every time I feel discharge I check to make sure I am not bleeding. I just don’t know what to do. I wish I could talk to my mother about this but both my parents died in the last 5 years, so I can’t talk to her but I know she had similar issues. So please if anyone here has had similar issues I would really appreciate the advice. I know it’s something where only time will tell but I feel like I am driving myself crazy right now.
Thank you two hot take community.
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You just take it one day at a time. My first ended in MC but I’ve had two beautiful girls since then and each one was stressful in the early days. All you can do is take it one day at a time
Pregnancy is hard and especially when it’s your first pregnancy. Your mind is constantly thinking about it and all the what ifs. There is a lot of waiting to hit pregnancy milestones. I know this can be easier said than done but miscarriage really is out of our control. The best you can do is try not to stress about things we can’t control. Stress is not good during pregnancy. Take your prenatal, eat healthy, stay hydrated and try your best to just relax. Again, I know easier said than done, but that is the best you can do right now. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant with second and the first trimester with all the waiting never gets easier! I feel for you and wishing you all the best.
I had a miscarriage and then got pregnant about four months later. All I did was worry constantly that I was going to miscarry. And then when it was past the stage of miscarriage, I worried constantly that there would be something wrong with the baby and it would be my fault because of something I’d done. I couldn’t sleep at night because I was so worried throughout the entire pregnancy.
Everything was fine in the end. She turned out perfectly and is an adult in her thirties.
In retrospect, I realize all the fretting early on was a fear of getting my hopes up and then having to experience crushing disappointment. My fears later in the pregnancy had to do with my own self-worth.
In retrospect, I wish I’d gone to therapy.
I don’t have any answers for you except to advise you to tell your OB (or PCP if can’t get in with OB yet) about these feelings you are experiencing. Your emotions at this time are valid. They will be able to help you process these emotions in a healthy manner so you can enjoy your pregnancy.
Oh hun. I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. But before my son that I had in November, I had 8 miscarriages all in the first trimester.
I was scared shitless my whole pregnancy because I had never made it past 11 weeks 5 days. After the point of viability it went from, “oh I’m miscarrying” to “oh I’m going to have a still born.” Your brain plays nasty tricks and I wish I knew a way to make it stop.
After about 31 weeks I just learned to live life in the moment each day. It was hard. Each pain and ache was worrying. My cervix had completely risen around 18 weeks making me think I had an incompetent cervix. That warranted an emergency ultrasound. Everything was fine. My blood pressure was also extremely low my whole pregnancy which freaked me out because I already have POTS. I didn’t need to pass out and land on my stomach…
I guess the only thing I can tell you is to breathe. Find someone to anchor you down and just go each day as normal. If you start to worry too much find your anchor and tell them you need distracted.
I wish you all the best op.
Congratulations! You can feel however you want but please don’t stay in the ‘what if’ mindset too long. Remember that multiple things can be true at once- you can be numb/scared/worried but also excited. Hopeful but also petrified. I was numb and petrified until the first ultrasound. Then each appointment when the Doppler got pulled out I held my breath until my OB found the heartbeat. It’s normal to be scared. If you feel comfortable enough with your provider let them know you’re scared. They should ask (if they don’t already know you well enough) how you would prefer to receive information. Like if you want to know worst case nitty gritty or keep it surface level positive. You also need to decide how much information you want. For me I wanted to know everything so I could prepare myself.
Your feelings could also be a sign of prenatal anxiety, not sure when that can kick in but it’s something you and your husband should be on the lookout for, it’s also okay if you develop it and or depression. Just please check in with yourself and ask for help if you feel it coming on or if you feel like your knee deep in it.
We are not telling many people.
Tells everyone and the internet.
When I was pregnant with my first, my brain convinced itself I wasn’t going to survive childbirth. I was terrified constantly, but about 5 months in, I decided to “give in” to the fears and I wrote a will.
Your visits will increase as your pregnancy progresses, and you will be under a lot of medical watch. Yes, pregnancy is scary, but it’s also well monitored. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to your OB with any and all concerns.
Your fears are valid, and I’d be more than happy to help you talk through them. Mom to mom-to-be.
I miscarried in 2023 and it was traumatizing. I fell pregnant again 1 year later. I’m 32 weeks 3 days now. My whole first trimester I was in the bathroom every 20 minutes wiping to make sure I didn’t bleed. I started to feel better in 2nd trimester but still now at 32 weeks, I always have it in the back of my head hoping something bad doesn’t happen. Unfortunately, there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel any better, trust me. I will feel better once my daughter is born.
Congratulations! I’ve done IVF twice now, first cycle resulted in a healthy baby and with the second cycle, I’m 18 weeks pregnant at the moment. I completely understand the worry and extreme stress you’re facing when it comes to miscarrying, but as mentioned in another comment, it’s out of your control, which is even more stressful!!
All one can really do is focus on what you CAN control, such as eating good foods that will help support the pregnancy (fiber, iron, etc). Light, yet moderate exercise. And the biggest one, remaining positive no matter what. There is real power in positivity. Put your heart there. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best.
Give us an update while youre in labor!!!
This could be my post! Tried for 2 years, just over 4 weeks along now, first ultrasound is on the 15th. And I’ve been very hesitant to be excited.
I just keep telling myself that so far my numbers are good and there are no signs of a miscarriage yet. If it happens I’ll cross that bridge at that time, but in the meantime might as well be happy.
Congratulations! Let yourself enjoy this moment.
My therapist talked to me about useless worrying. She said if you can do something about it, do that. If you can’t, don’t worry. You can’t do anything about a miscarriage. The only thing you can arguably do is relax and stop stressing. Stress and anxiety hurt pregnancies. Try to get in the mindset of whatever happens happens. Trust your doctors and your own body. Do whatever self care you need to to get out of the negative mental space.
FWIW, I bled not long after finding out I was four weeks’ pregnant and assumed I was miscarrying.
That pregnancy ended with a baby who’ll be 32 this year.
First, congratulations, I am happy for you both and wish you the safest and smoothest journey.
Talk to your midwife about it, there may be groups in your area for that topic, whether it’s a mom group or group therapy centered about that.
If you can afford to, I’d suggest getting a doula, there now are many formations and schools for doula and many are very professional and helpful to ease your worries.
Therapy could be a good idea, to grieve past pregnancies but also to make peace with the fact that it will be an anxious time and it’s not your fault.
Do you talk about this fear with your husband? You may find comfort in confiding in him, maybe he has the same fears.
If you are religious, try to find specific prayers for mothers, health and pregnancy.
There is a Obgyn on YouTube called Alirodmd, for her first pregnancy she had bad anxiety, not for the same reasons as you, but she talked about it in some videos.
We hear most about post partum, but pregnancy is as challenging and fearful because we have little to no control and overview of what’s happening inside.
Take care 🌸
Hi honey. I definitely understand how you feel. I have had 2 losses over the years and am currently pregnant. It is definitely nerve wracking. The best I can give you is stay off of google. If you are a believer pray. Trust and believe. Have faith that everything happens for a reason, and it’s already done. It’s also out of your control. Calm your mind when you’re feeling overwhelmed, practice deep breathing. When intrusive thoughts come visualize shutting out those thoughts and distract yourself. I too have lost both of my parent in the last 5 years. Feel free to message me!
I was like this in both my pregnancies. If you Google something like miscarriage calculator then there’s a website where you put in how far along you are and your age etc. Then it will give you the statistics for the percentage risk of a miscarriage versus a full term birth. I found it really helpful to see that the odds of a baby are higher than the odds of a miscarriage and to see the odds improving all the time.
I went through IVF and was constantly waiting for something to go wrong once I finally got pregnant. It’s totally normal to protect your heart. And please know that “the power of positive thinking” cannot override biology. No thoughts good or bad will change the outcome of your pregnancy. Wishing you and your little embryo the best!
I didn’t get excited until month 7. I had three losses and I was protecting myself from another trauma. I was in a constant state of worry every day
Being pregnant in the first stages feels a little sureal. There isn’t a belly or movement. It’s stressful, and sometimes you feel like shit.
Let’s break it down for a moment if that’s ok?
Let’s say do have a miscarriage. What, then?
You heal physically.
What happens after that?
You start to heal emotionally.
Okay, now what about after that?
You probably go on and have another baby.
It hurts. It is hard. But if it does happen, you will be able to handle it. Your body will heal. Your mind will begin to cope.
It will be ok in the end. It really will.
It’s nonstop worrying from here on out, kiddo 🤣 for the rest of your life. The worries just change. Just take it one day at a time. Also if you’re getting an US on the 16th you’ll only be like 5ish weeks? I think that is too soon to see anything definitive. They might just be having you come in for testing and the first visit, go over diet, vitamins etc. First U.S is usually around 8/9 weeks. I say this after multiple miscarriages and 2 beautiful rainbow babies. Not to diminish or invalidate your feelings or experience.
Congratulations. I understand it can get stressful especially if it’s your first. I can say first trimester is hard with a lot of nausea, constipation, and this constant feeling like something is coming out. It’s definitwly different for everyone.
But, please make sure you dont stress or do extreme chores. I didnt have PCOS but my friend who has PCOS was suggested to be on bed rest and not lift huge weights.
Practice meditation, especially Pranayamam (Google it) will help.
You will power through this. Congrats once again