In 2020, my wife was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer. After surgery, chemo, and radiation, she went into remission and was doing well. But in August 2024, a routine colonoscopy revealed the unthinkable: her breast cancer had returned—and metastasized to her colon. Further scans showed it had also spread to her liver, kidneys, spine, and abdominal lining. What was once considered early-stage is now a terminal diagnosis.
She was initially told she might have 3–5 years, but her treatment hasn’t been effective, and doctors are now estimating less than a year.
I’m heartbroken, numb, and trying to hold it together for our daughter. Ask me anything.
Edit: My wife is back home now, so my replies may be delayed—but thank you all for your compassion and empathy. You’re a remarkably kind group of internet strangers, and I’m truly grateful our paths crossed today. 🙏
Comments
How can we help?
How old are yall?
I am so sorry. Do you have a support system around you?
No questions from me, I just want to say that I’m so very sorry and I hope that you have a robust support system for you and your daughter.
Did she not have any follow up scans from 2020 to 2024?
My love to your family ♥️
Fuck cancer.
Firstly, I’m so sorry.
What are your plans for the next year? Are you healthy enough to do things together?
I’m getting married on Saturday for the first time, 38 here, I’m so sorry, this is an awful situation
Upon taking the recently sudden hard news, how do you remember dealing with it? What would you change and keep if you could do it again?
I’m so deeply sorry this is happening to you. It isn’t fair, and it’s not how your family was supposed to live out your lives together. Cancer is so so cruel. As a mom of two littles & with my dad having a new terminal cancer diagnosis, I think my imagination is doing a decent job of understanding a sliver of your pain but I’m sure it’s not enough. I really wish for you strength as you navigate what’s to come and sunshine, especially on your wife’s “good” days.
How old is your daughter? How’s she doing with all of this? Would mom be up to making some videos or writing letters for your daughter for her to watch/open at critical milestones that her mom may miss? Graduations, license, wedding, getting into post secondary, engagement, wedding, first child, etc.
Look up the channel on YouTube ‘The Apples’
It’s now Kyle Appleford showing what his life is like after his wife’s passing, but it showed her journey through Metastatic Lung Cancer and how it progresses and devastated them as a family.
I’m not promoting it as like some sort of grief based porno. It may be an outlet though to show you you are not alone and could connect with people in similar situations.
My wife had a thyroid Cancer scare last year (cancer free so no worries on our end) and I stumbled upon the Appleford family shortly after Jenny died.
It’s an awful thing to see and feel. I can’t imagine the dread and terror you have in your mind and your heart. I cannot hope to say I feel you, because I can’t.
Stay strong, brother. Pray for a miracle. Beg for one. I’m not a religious man, but I remember trying to make a deal with God when my wife had her scare.
Also try the subreddit/Guycry
Yeah it’d a lot of ‘my girlfriend left me I’m such a loser’ but they’d have your back in a bro kinda way if you explained
Have you done genetic testing for her cancer to help find a more targeted therapy?
Sorry to hear this my friend, I hope you both can find peace.
I’m so tremendously sorry for what you and your wife are going through. Have you already explained to your daughter what is going on?
Do y’all plan on doing any recordings of your wife for your daughter to maybe listen or watch at a later time when she’s older?
My dad has surgery Thursday to remove a rectal cancer tumor. It started last August as what they thought was stage 4, but ended up being stage 3 (they saw nodes on his lungs but they turned out to just be cysts).
I understand that feeling of numb, when we got the news just cried for hours.
How come they didn’t check again sooner? I think after this he has to get scanned yearly
Fuck Cancer.
No question – praying for you and your family! 😔
How are your finances during this time? Do you guys have life insurance?
How awful. I can’t imagine how devastated you all are.
Does your daughter have any close adult female family members who she can lean on?
Do you have the funeral planning done and finances figured out?
In what ways does she currently want you to support her?
In what ways does your daughter need support right now?
What you are doing is amazing, even when it feels the worst.
Try to make as many videos as possible. Of everything you can together. I’m sorry
Can you take as many videos with her (or just her alone) as possible for your daughter’s milestones in advance?
What are your little joys these days?
First I’m so incredibly sorry, sending love (I know that doesn’t do anything but still).
Is there anything you would have done different earlier in life/your marriage knowing where you’re at now?
My sister has metastatic colon cancer. It’s in her lymph nodes and they had to halt chemo because her white blood cell count dropped so low. I haven’t told any of my friends how bad it’s getting. I can’t say it out loud yet. Typing it here is the first time I’ve communicated it at all. I’m so sorry about your wife.
I’m so sorry for the pain that your family is going through. Be strong for your little girl.
Does she have a living will with specifics on how much life saving intervention she would like in the context of quality off life?
I’m so very sorry. I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 11. I know you didn’t ask for advice, but I strongly urge you to keep her memory alive for your daughter’s sake. Even if / when you remarry. This is so important.
Did your wife continue to get mammograms after 2020? I’m just wondering how they didn’t catch it.
Damn. Fuck cancer. I’m so sorry this is happening. Have you explained it all to your daughter?
I have no question, just popped in to say I’m so sorry. Lots of love to the three of you, this must be extremely hard for you all.
I feel terrible for your young daughter 😔 I hope for any ounce of peace for you all.
If your wife would like some support, she should join us at r/LivingWithMBC . Whatever treatment she has tried or is currently on, she will recieve lots of support and advice from those who are in the same shitty titty boat.
I am so sorry. I couldn’t imagine. I’m am praying for you all
How are you planning for her departure?
My wife was diagnosed in 2023 and had chemo and radiation along with double mastectomy and I’ll be honest this scares the living shit out of me …
It coming back worse than before.
Everytime she gets a call from the doctor I’m holding my breath.
I feel your pain. May her last days be filled with love and peace …
What is your favorite trip you’ve been on together? Or favorite meal together?
You should have your wife pre record birthday videos for your daughter so as she gets older on her birthday . She gets another video . Also maybe one pre recorded for her future wedding .
Did your wife have symptoms before the colonoscopy and finding out the extent of the disease? I’m sorry op
Hi, thank you for this AMA. I am a 4 time breast cancer patient. First diagnosed in 2016, stage 2b. Then recurrences in 2020, 2021, and 2024, all less than stage 1.
I’m really sorry this is happening to your family. Being part of the cancer world for 9 years, I’ve lost a lot of peers and watched families lose their moms, daughters, wives, and sisters.
Was immunotherapy not an option? Or a CDK 4/6 inhibitor? I know that both of these can be helpful unless there are certain mutations present.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and heart.
I’m so sorry I have been there. Unfortunately for my wife she had 3 days left once they figured out what was wrong. It happened in 2003. Sometimes , it does not sit right with me.
I’m so sorry to you, your wife and family. This is a very hard place to be. No question, I just want to say I hope you have everything you guys need to keep her comfortable.
My friend recently died from complications brought on by her Ewings Sarcoma and during her years fighting she got a lot of help from going to support groups for people her age going through cancer like her. May be worth looking into support groups if you need so just wanna float the idea out there. I know there are too many things and we can control far too few of them, I hope you guys can take care of yourselves to the best of your ability and that when it is her time she goes easy and that you and your kiddo have all the space needed to grieve.
I’m so sorry for the pain of all this, my best wishes to you and yours. May you always get what you need.
As a breast cancer survivor, this is all of our worst nightmares. I am so very sorry.
Was it a genetic breast cancer? Do you remember her original diagnosis information? Proliferation rate?
Also, what type of chemo did she have?
I’m so sorry. What were her first symptoms and how was she diagnosed?
Hiya. Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this.
Secondly, my mum died when I was 11. She also had cancer. It came as a shock, this was in the 90’s and things were a little less transparent. I knew she was ill, but I definitely didn’t grasp how Ill until the weekend she died. You sound like you have much better communication and I hope this can continue through the tricky times ahead.
I treasure a handwritten note my mum sent me. It’s reminding me to tell dad when I will be late home and to bring my dirty washing down. This was written from her to me when she was in hospital. I also kept some clothes that I liked at the time, but regret not keeping more.
I miss her voice the most, given the time, we didn’t have access to cameras and recordings quite like now.
I started my periods at 12 which was A LOT for us all to deal with and I felt very embarrassed a lot of the time. There’s probably more I am forgetting, but I hope in any small way if my experience can help find where the head of a soon to be grieving 11 year old, may sadly soon be at- or guide a parent to where their child’s head may be at, then I’m happy to share.
Again, so, so sorry, you’ve got this.
I am so sorry. And I am grateful that you have graciously allowed us to ask you questions…
I have a burning question I’ve been mulling around for years. About friends IRL whose spouse is terminal.
I always struggle about how to ask about their partner. I can’t figure out better questions than how is she doing.
My goal is really to show I am thinking about your partner and I don’t want to ignore her. I don’t want to burden you with going over something that will make you sad.
Actually these would be people I don’t know intimately. I don’t have a problem there. It’s more for people I know a little bit and know both of them.
I do not know how to talk to talk to the partner without feeling very awkward.
First off I am so so sorry about your whole situation ❤️
Try to take it day by day. Some days will be harder than others and only plan short term so you don’t get frustrated too often when plans won’t work out.
Ask your wife what she needs and how you can make it happen and how you can support her, because while it’s great when a partner takes over everyday chores and whatnot she might wish for something totally different like eating ice cream at 7 am just because.
If she’s up to it I’d also recommend recordings, pictures, letters and whatever else your wife might want to gift your daughter and feels comfy doing.
Speaking of your kid pleeeeease do not wait any longer to tell her! She will feel robbed of her very very short time with her mom the longer you wait.
Be gentle, be understanding, she’ll probably lash out but you’ll just have to take it, as hard as that sounds. This is the most painful thing your family has to come to term with and it’s going to be rough as fuck.
If you can afford it, maybe hire someone to do chores around the house so you won’t have to think about stupid, useless stuff during this time and can just spend quality time together as a family.
Again, I am so incredibly sorry this is happening to you guys ❤️❤️
I worked as a hospice nurse for many years. End of life care is much more comfortable at home , and hospice care includes psychological support for the family. Our hospice had counseling and summer camp for bereaved children which were very helpful to families. I am very sorry your loved ones and you are going through this most difficult of times. I changed to hospice nursing because I thought I might learn how to emotionally support a family member going through bereavement. Empathy and kindness seemed inadequate and even now I have found no words that cover the magnitude of loss you are experiencing.
I lost my wife in 2020 from metastatic melanoma.
I’m so very sorry brother. If you want to talk or just need to vent please feel free to DM me.
One piece of advice I can offer is to save every single voice mail that you have from her. They are my most prized possessions.
I’m so very sorry. My mom had a similar diagnosis in the early 90s. She planned the end of her life with the help of Hospice and I would encourage anyone to do the same. Having lived through this and seeing how my dad handled it, I can tell you that communicating your feelings openly will help. This sucks.
I’m so sorry to hear and devastating for your family.
Are you doing anything to look after yourself during this time? Or what would you like to be doing?
No questions.
Just an open heart, with much love for you, and condolences for your situation.
Praying for you and yours and all impacted by this.
I deleted my other comment because I didn’t know if it was in the right spot.
Question would be: has anyone explained how they properly missed this? I thought testing was more advanced now. (Edited to say more instead of not)
I was 11 when my mom died from cancer. I was really shocked when you mentioned that’s almost your daughter’s age.
I hope you’re able to make recordings for her. My mom died in 2002, so I don’t think anyone considered filming a goodbye tape or writing letters even. It all happened very quickly.
Be there for your daughter. Grieve, but when your wife passes please find a way to get help for yourself and her in a meaningful way.
My dad went down the evil stepparent route too, and pretty quick. I know you’re not even remotely in that headspace, but I’m trying to cover my bases. He acted very out of character after my mom died.
Sending my love to you and your family, this is heartbreaking.
Has your wife made any letters to you for the future? If I were terminal I would write future letters to be opened on special dates.
My heart goes out to you. There are other ways to deal with this medical issue. Ivermectin….and other types are out there. People with Stage 4 have won! Still living. I’m not a Dr. but have done 23 years of research since my health got bad. My prayers are with you and your family. 💟😇🙏
I don’t have any questions. I just wanted to say I hope the best for you, your wife, and your daughter.
What kind of breast cancer did your wife have?
Last year this same situation happened to my sister. It was skin cancer, it went away, then it reappeared and wasn’t spotted until it had devastated her insides as malignant melanoma. One of the hardest things in it all was watching the grief she went through for her husband and daughter. She cried more about leaving them than her own situation. I held her in my arms, I did my best, but it couldn’t ever be enough. One source of comfort for her was making tapes for her daughter to listen to as she grew up, and letters to be handed over on birthdays and life events. My question is, have you considered such?
I would also like to express my deepest condolences to you, and want you to know that I understand your pain. We tried to make the most of each moment. Its so hard to do when you know that time is running out. I’m so sorry.
Talk about end of life, talk about funeral plans, talk openly to your daughter regardless of her age. Make all of this part of her lexicon of knowledge. I’m so sorry that you have to do this but it’s important. Hugs.
Please accept my condolences, internet stranger. My heart breaks for you. Here’s wishing you strength to keep moving forward with a smile (even if it’s fake) for your daughter, and also wishing you the ability to crumple apart when you really, really fucking need it.
I’m here in San Francisco currently fighting BC. Cancer is such a humbling experience. I’m sure you have a million people but I’d pretty much take a bullet for my fellow survivors and their families at this point – if you need a stranger, I’m here (I assumed her love of the Giants means you could be too).
I just want to say…I’ve been you…I lost my partner six months ago. I’ve learned a lot of beautiful things in that time..and…I am not a spiritual person but…I don’t doubt that he is still with me. There have been just too many “coincidences” that have happened for him not to be. I don’t know if this will bring you comfort but…You’re not alone in this. What you’re going through now is brutal, but there’s still connection, even now. I’m wishing you strength for every moment. ❤️
I found that with my friend in a similar situation, in the last three months that preceded her departure, she accepted visits and phone calls from friends. As she realized she had not a single piece of hope to give people, she refused to answer their calls or visitations. She just wanted her nucleus to be around. So I suggest you round up the people she likes to go talk to her, take her outside if possible, keep visiting. Because the time may come that she’s too fatigued and hopeless to want to talk to anyone. She might think “ok, I know I’ll be missed, but what then? Doesn’t change the fact that I will die”.
So do the balance of including her friends while it’s time, but also barring them when she feels it’s enough.
How old is she, and how did you meet?
My sister just had the same scenario happen to her and it escalated fairly quickly. She passed away back in January and I’m still dealing with the grief. I’m praying for you and I hope that you get through this much love.
It’s difficult to comment not knowing which country except to say how saddened I am for you and your daughter .
I’m sorry you guys are going through this. Same as my brother and wife 2010 – 2016.
Agonizing. Be sure and share passwords – for banking, social media, streaming etc. this caused huge headaches for he and the kids after she died.
I’m sorry to hear OP, I’m going through a similar situation at the moment. My girlfriend has stage 4 TNBC and the doctor estimated a few months to a year to live. Honestly I don’t know how to feel anymore, I’m just numb most of the time but I’m trying my best to give her a comfortable life. Be strong my friend and prayers to your wife and family.
I’m so sorry. Sending you a lot of strength and patience through this time. Spend every day together, laughing as much as you can.
I can understand how you feel. My mother (53) was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year, and it was a shock to all of us.
I wish you and your family immense strength in the coming days and perhaps even hope for a miracle that your wife might heal. I’m praying for that.
How is she feeling about dying so far?
Have you looked into hospice and palliative care? The free to you services they offer could provide the help and care your family needs as she approaches the end of her life.
Also, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I ordered a guide to organizing my affairs and expressing my wishes on what I wanted my end of life to be. It was very useful and helped guide the conversations about what I did and did not want to happen in my last weeks and days.
Has she had Enhertu?
She had surgery, chemo and radiation for a stage 1 tumor? Did you talk to her oncologist about this really aggressive treatment plan? Is it possible there was something unusual about this tumor? Could they have staged it incorrectly?
Wouldn’t your time be better spent with her than doing AMAs on reddit?
I’m so sorry this happened to her and to you. Cancer hurts so many people in this world.
Prayers
I have watched cancer strip everything from my family more than once. I’m terrified everyday that I’ll get the news that it’s come back yet again to someone in my family. It is the hardest shit in the whole damn world.
As someone who was always on the outside of things, what scares you most about her passing? For me it was always wondering if they truly knew how much I loved them before they passed. That’s always so terrifying.
What is the hardest part about knowing she’s going to pass, other than knowing it’s inevitable?
I’m so sorry about all of this. I have nothing to ask – i’m just so sorry.
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Feeling extremely sorry 🙁 do you think regular check ups and treatment would have prevented it from getting this bad
Im so sorry…
That said please Google “ivermectin+fenbendazole cancer”
🙏