A few months ago, I (28F) started a new DnD campaign and invited a few friends. One of them, “Sarah”, asked if her friend “Anne” could join. Anne is a mom who doesn’t get many chances to hang out with adults, so I agreed, even though I knew she might be flaky due to childcare responsibilities. I asked Anne if she could attend at least the first few sessions to get familiar with the game, and she agreed.
She then proceeded to cancel, mostly last minute, every proposed first session for the next two months. I told her I’m sorry but if she can’t make it to the next proposed session, she won’t be in long campaigns (still welcome to join one-shots). She apologized and said she’ll make it.
She made it. But brought her toddler without asking.
As soon as they came the kid needed to use the bathroom. He made a mess since he can’t fully use an adult toilet yet. I told Anne that’s fine but asked her to clean it up. This surprised her and she started being a bit on edge.
We finally sat down at the table and the kid started running around, looking for things to do. I was a bit stressed out by this. Anne noticed and put him in her lap. But now the kid was at the table, which was covered in mini figurines, dice, pretty pictures and maps, most being a choking hazard, along with glasses of various drinks. The kid started fussing about wanting to play with them, I was telling Anne no because it’s not safe, she told me he’s gentle and doesn’t put stuff in his mouth- we bickered while her kid was throwing a tantrum. After the kid knocked over a glass, I loudly asked her to step out into the backyard and calm him down a bit while I make the table safer.
She did, visibly embarrassed, and I removed everything except for plain looking papers, pens and paper cups. I also did my best to calm down as this entire thing stressed me out to hell and back at this point.
They came back and things were fine for a minute. That is, until my dog came out of my bedroom to drink water. Now, I don’t have many house rules, but I have one that’s important: “Ignore the dog”, they were informed of that before coming over. The kid spotted her and yelled “DOGGY”, Anne put him down “to say hi”, he made a full speed beeline at my dog while making grabbing motions and yelling. I stopped him by stepping out in front of him, he ran into me, fell down and started crying. Anne started screaming at me, I screamed back, and very swiftly told her to get the f out of my home. Sarah was annoyed and told us it took them an hour and a half to get to me, then went with Anne since they carpooled.
The rest stayed, it was awkward for half an hour or so, but we ended up having fun and they even stayed for the night.
I then woke up to the local fb groups and people’s instagram stories calling me a controlling asshole, saying I’m “discriminating” against various players, being too strict and “have a dangerous dog”. To add insult to injury, Sarah, who I’ve been friends with for years, is not speaking to me.
So, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I fought with and yelled at a guest in front of her child. I made her feel hurt and publicly embarrassed in the process.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If she couldnt find childcare, the least she should have done is reach out to you to make sure she can bring her toddler to your house.
The second she didn’t want to clean up after her kid is when I would have kicked her out, but she should never have brought him without clearing it with you first.
NTA – There were SO many options for Anne. If childcare wasn’t an option for her, she should have let you know ahead of time, shown up early to prepare a toddler area (meaning bringing baby gates, or a play tent, or other childproofing things with activities) so that she could participate in dnd while ensuring her child was safe and as non-disruptive as possible. She didn’t do any of that!
My only note is that once you accepted the child was going to be in your home for a few hours, you should have gone over the dog rules again and created a plan to make sure your dog still had access to water/bathroom/etc without getting near the kid. It was Anne’s responsibility to manage her child, and it was your responsibility to manage your dog. When the plan changed to accomodate Anne and the kid, you needed to change the dog plan to ensure EVERYONE was safe.
NTA. They disrespected your time, your property, and your rules. Being a mother is tough and comes with a ton of responsibilty, but you have already been very lenient with her and got rewarded with public slander.
NTA. Anne, on the other hand, AH. I’m not feeling too fond of Sarah either. Surely she could have shot you a text of warning that the kid was coming.
Nta Anne’s uninvited brat was clearly out of control. If she couldn’t make it behave she either should have got a sitter or bowed out.
Look at my username.. now that I have established I know what toddlers are like… NTA.
You don’t take a toddler ANYWHERE you don’t plan on stricktly supervising them, and you bring plenty of toys, snacks, games to keep them occupied.
NTA.
Anne completely disregarded your boundaries, repeatedly flaked on the game, and then brought a toddler without asking—after all that. You accommodated as much as possible, but there are clear limits when it comes to safety, respect, and your own home.
She left because of her own poor decisions, not because you were unreasonable.
Sarah taking her side and letting this blow up into public social media drama is unfair and immature. You’re not "discriminating"; you’re enforcing basic respect in your own home. The people trashing you online weren’t there and clearly aren’t worth your time.
Let Sarah cool off, but don’t second-guess yourself. You set clear expectations, and Anne trampled all over them. If anything, you were too accommodating.
NTA. She never asked if your house was toddler friendly, or if the rest of the party would be ok with her bringing the toddler, or even having the courtesy of asking beforehand if the kid could come. You had every right to be angry and yell, because she wasn’t listening (your house rule as example A) to you in your own home.
I mean, knowing how small the pieces are even having a pet around is dangerous counting of their one of those that just eats anything. But you also warning them doesn’t seem like an issue. It actually seems like the very opposite they should’ve informed you or found a babysitter or just said straight up that they would not be able to participate.
NTA. Parents like Anne will never take responsibility and always blame other people for their shitty parenting.
NTA.
You’re running a community event out of your home, so guests need to be respectful of your time and rules. Also, if the little kid ended up getting hurt, that mom would totally sue you.
Speaking as a player and back-in-the-day DM (dating back to original D&D and AD&D 1e) – there’s no real way to childproof a DnD match with dice, figurines, counters, and all the rest, not to mention drinks/food and whatnot. It’s unreasonable to show up with a toddler and expect everyone else to adjust, especially if the DM has spent time and effort preparing the game.
Speaking as a father of 4 – If you’re a guest in someone else’s home, you don’t let your kid roam free. If your kid throws a tantrum, it’s your job to get them away from others and deal with it. If your kid can’t use a toilet properly, it’s your job to clean up. If you’re told to stay away from the dog, it’s your job to keep your kid away from the dog.
You are absolutely NTA.
NTA but good riddance. Even Sarah, is being ridiculous. Who thought a toddler would be a good fit at a game like this? Your house rules were not difficult to follow. It’s not your problem that Anne doesn’t get the opportunity to hang out with adults.
NTA., but as a guest, I would be thankful you kicked them out. I would want to say something to them myself, but it not being my home, it’s not my place. If you allowed them to continue to come, I would opt out to playing altogether. Also, after waiting all this time for the new campaign to start, just to have it ruined would have pushed me over the edge. I’m patient, but to a point. I don’t tolerate blatent disrepect, which is what this was from Sarah as well as Anne. I would have called her out, "You didn’t bring anything to keep him occupied?" It doesn’t take being a parent yourself to understand basic crap about kids, aka, THEY GET BORED EASY, especially around a bunch of adults who are pre-occupied with adult things.
If I took a friend to someone’s house and they behaved this way, upsetting the host, I’d be helping with their kid and trying to smooth things over, not getting pissed off and ghosting you. Sarah’s just as much to blame as Anne
NTA. It is fine to bring a WELL-BEHAVED child that can sit by themselves to something like this. However, when you are a parent, you learn that sometimes you don’t get to do what you want, because KIDS. She needed someone to tell her. I’m sorry that Sarah doesn’t understand, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
Nta
Until your children get old enough to decide you’ve been on this earth too long and know nothing, their behavior is a direct result of your parenting. If your children’s actions are destructive, it’s on the parent. It doesn’t matter what excuse you want to use. Your children act how you allow them.
This was a cluster on her part.
She knew what she was liable to cause but didn’t care.
Maybe you could have been calmer, but I understand the kid/dog issues.
She knew better
NTA.
It should not be an expectation that other people’s residences – especially those who don’t have small children – will be child-friendly or childproofed.
You probably should have warned her of that as soon as she showed up with the toddler in tow, but childproofiing isn’t usually something people without children even think about. What was Mom even expecting the kid to do during the session? Did she anticipate you would just… have toys available or something?
NTA. People have rules for a reason and I’m 100% in the “ignore the dog” camp. I think that’s a great rule to have because it’s setting healthy boundaries for your dog. Anne seems to have boundary issues and adding her child into the mix just sounds absolutely chaotic.
NTA. That was a lot for a relative stranger to put on a group she and her child don’t know outside of Sarah. It doesn’t seem to be a big surprise to an outside observer why Anne can’t do a lot of adult things right now.
NTA at all. What an r/entitledparents
Chalk this up to a lesson learned. Next time someone requests to ask you to invite a potential headache into the group, tell them "FUCK NO."
NTA first off,.you always clean up after you kid at so.eone else’s house. Always. Especially in a bathroom. Wtf.
Second, of there’s an ignore my dog rule, you def do not touch the freaking dog. Especially not a kid. Wtf again.
Third, if you have a crazy toddler you bring something like a tablet to keep them entertained during adult.events…. you don’t expect them to sit while playing a GAME that looks fun. Wtf.
NTA: edited to add my 24-year-old son plays Dungeons & Dragons. This is not a game toddlers should be around due to all the tiny choking hazards. Parents should clean up after their children and make sure that their children are not ruining adult times that were scheduled for only adults. Parents should also make sure that their children are kept away from dogs that are not good around children.
It’s called parenting and she should maybe learn a little bit about it
None of my business, but what is the deal with the dog?
NTA, I think you tried to be accommodating but it sounds like Mum wanted a night with other people to play child care. She also seemed kind of disrespectful.
If I was Mum I’d have said “look, I need some adult conversation, but I’ve got my kid. I won’t play, but can I sit near and chat with you all or listen to the story unfold?”
As a fellow DM, absolutely NTA. Keep your core group and move on. She should have never brought her child without asking, and she should have been a mom first and a PC second.
First rule of D&D is no kids allowed.
NTA
I think her bringing her child this time would be the start of many occasions when she ended up doing it again. She obviously does not have reliable child care. Sooner or later having a young child there for would have led to problems. It’s probably better that you nipped it in the bud now. Seems also like Sarah is not much of a friend, either. She could have at least let you know when they were leaving that Anne’s child was coming too. If you had a heads up, you could have planned the dog situation and the table layout upfront.
NTA. This person clearly doesn’t have the time to play DND, so she shouldn’t be wasting your time like this.
Get more considerate friends.
NTA. Anne, and to an extent, Sarah are the AH’s for not even letting you know a toddler might be coming. Reply to all the FB groups (it will likely bleed over to insta from those ppl once they know the rest of the story): “Did the original complainant(s) forget to tell you that I was never informed that a toddler would be coming until arrival, therefore nothing was toddler proofed and especially not the game table? Dis those complainants forget to tell you that I had to pause the game to remove all figurines, dice, etc. that are hazards to toddlers? Did the original complainants forget to mention is is a long standing and KNOWN rule in my house to ignore the dog, but the moment the toddler saw the dog “DOGGY” was yelled and the mother promptly put the child down to go meet the dog against my house rules and disregarding the safety of her toddler? Did the original complainants forget to tell you that we were just starting the campaign because the mother flaked out MULTIPLE times and I was trying to be accommodating to her? I asked her to leave only after she failed to respect my house rules, then put her own child in danger by disregarding those rules and nearly causing the incident herself. I fail to see how I discriminated against someone when I took every step I possibly knew of to accommodate her, even to the detriment of myself and others. I fail to see how I’m controlling when I laid down reasonable rules, and enforced them.”
As to Sarah and her ignoring you. I would just leave it be. Don’t try to contact her. Don’t try to interact with her more than absolutely necessary (Say hi if you pass her on the street or see her at the store, but don’t do more than that. No talk of life, the weather, etc. Let the ball be in her court and only AFTER she gives a sincere apology). If she tries to talk to you without an apology, then you can tell her that it saddens you that she values Anne far more than you and that she couldn’t have the decency to even TRY to let you know the toddler was coming BEFORE they even left Anne’s house. If she can’t even respect you that much, perhaps it’s best that the friendship dies.
NTA. Bringing a kid to someone else’s home without asking is rude. Needing to be told to clean up your kid’s mess instead of volunteering is worse. Taking your toddler to a D&D night without a bunch of toys and other distractions is just plain stupid. How did she expect this to end?
NTA! I would have NEVER let my toddler run at a dog we didn’t know, that is incredibly reckless on her behalf. Everything else was extremely annoying and entitled, but that was dangerous, and most certainly meant it was time for her to leave.
NTA – Sarah is butthurt because Anne was her ride. This was not a toddler friendly event. Anne should’ve been embarrassed. Toddlers
CANNOT ignore animals – that’s like telling a dementia patient to ignore an animal. If that is a cardinal rule, then toddlers cannot attend. Full stop. Your home isn’t toddler friendly, and there was no reason it should’ve been.
The amount of people who don’t understand dogs is incredible, NTA.
If the kid wanted to pet the dog you ask the owner first, and then help the kid introduce themselves to the dog.
Any dog could react violently to an unknown person running at them, even if they "wouldn’t hurt a fly".
Also showing up with a child without asking AND not bringing anything to keep them entertained is definitely an AH move.
NTA
People with kids need to realize their lives cannot and will not ever be the same. Game nights, pubs, movies, restaurants- you have to rethink it all.
NTA Seriously who likes surprise todlers ? That’s a major dick move. Smearing you on social media is extra shitty.
NTA…… I do not play DnD from what I understand. This is an adult game. That is taken very seriously. You’re not set up to be a child friendly environment. I would think having a child involves would’ve ruined the whole game. Anne was out of line. I would no longer invite her. If this is the hill Sarah wants to die on. She doesn’t need to come . You should ask her why everyone else should have to cater to Anne. It sucks. She doesn’t get to do a lot of things because she’s a single parent, but she’s bailed on you enough times to where she’s not taking this serious. If I’m wrong about DnD I apologize. I just know that it’s an ongoing game that takes a lot of time. I would not want a child there.
NTA.
What a nightmare. Sarah needs to apologize to the group for the disruption she caused.
New D&D rule – no children.
Bye bye Sara You Can Go With Anne She’s Your Fault Anyways, Sorry No offense But DND Should Be toddler Free, If They Can’t Sit And behave Then They Don’t Need To Be There 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
NTA I’m a single mum with little kids so I get it’s hard to be social but doesn’t matter. She was wring here from start to finish. That said I feel it’s very possible your mutual friend told her it’s okay to bring the child and he’s welcome meaning she was caught off guard by the attitude (even though is totally fair). If she was told or given impression you were fine with her bringing a toddler logically she’d think you understand what a toddler is like and happy to accomodate and then felt treated very badly.
I’d find out the full truth on why she felt okay to bring him as she may of being lied too
NTA – people need to learn they have to ask to bring their kids to other peoples houses! Also not wanting a child in your dogs face doesnt mean the dog is dangerous…
Good riddance. And as far as Sarah and Facebook friends go, that’s called thinning the herd.
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Christ, put this on r/d&dhorrorstories
NTA.
Lesson here – don’t compromise on your boundaries. If people choose not to listen or respect them, DO NOT budge.
As uncomfortable as it may be in the moment – they need to be called out or sent packing.
Too often attempts at ‘keeping the peace’ backfire catastrophically.
lmao this story made me laugh, def nta
NTA. It was clear from the beginning that this was a child-free night. From the vibes, it feels like this mom is the type that brings her kid to child-free weddings.
As a parent myself I get that this is hard. You do miss being able to hang out with other adults when your kid is a toddler, but this is just a stage of your life. Someday they can stay home and you get to go for coffee uninterrupted lol. I had another mom friend who we would tag-team parenting at game nights sometimes where nothing was interrupted (or we’d take turns who could go and who was be child care).
To address the “rules” or people calling you “controlling”: it’s YOUR f**king house. And they aren’t crazy (clean up after yourself, sharp objects are choking hazards). If the D&D game was at someone else’s house, even someone with kids running around, you would respect their rules or you just wouldn’t go.
NTA. We host games at our house. We are child free. If someone showed up to a game with a toddler in tow they wouldn’t even get through the door. Our house is not at all child-proof and I have no interest in making it that way.
Plus it seems like you have a reactive dog? Double no.
NTA by a country mile.
How irritating, OP. I’m stressed for you. You were well within your rights.
Kids don’t belong everywhere. And I wish parents were realize they can’t do everything like they used to without a “village”.
ETA also loved that you did this, take an award from me.
No. You shouldn’t have to childproof your house, nor should you have to lock up your dog. I had a black lab that just got stitches in his foreleg. My "friend" was over with her 3 year old. I told her the dog just got stitches and was under the kitchen table, and please keep her out of the kitchen. I left the room, and I heard this awful growling screech, then the child crying. Friend let the girl go in the kitchen. She stepped and then slid off the dog’s leg, ripping his stitches. She went off on me about my dog trying to bite her kid & she was going to sue me. I ordered her out of my house and said, "Go ahead, sue me." She didn’t. She knew she’d lose. I did resuture him up. He wasn’t happy about that.
NTA. You got all the way up to like step 5, you’re a bigger person than I’ll ever be (or ever want to be!).
If anyone showed and tried to bring a kid into my house during a D&D session (especially if I had figurines out) I would’ve told them my house is not childproof and they’re not allowed in.
Kids are like vampires… they can cause all sorts of havoc to you (and your house) but only if you invite them in.
Honestly, Anne’s outta line for disregarding ur rules and bringing her kid unannounced. But, screaming and telling her to “get the fk out” was kinda harsh. Maybe a calmer convo first? Sarah siding w/ her is a bummer, but I get it, long drive and all. Still, they should’ve respected ur space and rules. U aren’t discriminating, just setting boundaries, which is valid. Those fb peeps are just being extra.
Honestly, her behavior was disrespectful and unsafe. You gave her chances, and she repeatedly ignored your boundaries. The online backlash is ridiculous, they weren’t there. Sarah prioritizing Anne over your well-being is disappointing. You had every right to protect your home and your dog.
NTA, and she’s going to get that child hurt. It doesn’t matter how friendly a dog is, there is still a proper way to greet them. And she didn’t even ask! Did she even bother to check if your dog likes kids?