When I was 27 I got fired from my job (it was the start of Covid and layoffs were happening) and picked up a job at a restaurant to make ends meet. I met a guy there who was 20 at the time. At first I thought nothing of him except “co-worker” but we were always scheduled together and over time we developed a really great friendship. We are still friends all these years later even though we have both moved on in life and in our careers. We are now getting to a point in our friendship where feelings on both ends have started to develop and the possibility of us dating has been a topic of conversation. I am now 32 and he is 25.
I was telling my friend this last week and she rolled her eyes and replied by saying that I “groomed” him because I met him when he was 20 and I was “significantly older” than him. This definitely caught me off guard because that thought had never entered my mind nor do I believe that is what I was doing. We simply started off as coworkers and our bond developed over a period of years. We have always been platonic and have both dated other people during our time as friends.
I found it so incredibly insulting and I’m not sure I can be friends with someone who essentially thinks I’m a predator? Can you even groom a grown adult? Now I’m second guessing myself and the vibe I give off to people.
I don’t even know what type of advice I’m looking for tbh. Do I have a right to be insulted or is she right? Any input is appreciated because I feel like a total creep now.
TL;DR my friend said I was grooming another friend of mine who is younger than me even though that was never my intention nor plan. Now I feel like a creep.
Comments
Personally I don’t think you groomed him. It’s been 5 years and nothing romantic ish has come about until this point. To groom someone to me implies that there is in appropriate sexual intent from the start. Doesn’t sound like that was the case. He was also 20 now if you said oh he was 18 and you guys dated meh that sounds more like grooming. As someone who worked in the restaurant industry all through college, you meet so many people from different age ranges, and for the most part a lot of you become good friends, so no, I don’t think that’s grooming. I think when people have bad intentions, they need to be called out, but it’s clear your friend is calling you out for some thing in my opinion that didn’t even happen.
People love throwing certain words around. So sad for people who were actually groomed. I wouldn’t waste my energy on people like that.
Its not grooming but it is weird and worthy of a side eye.
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
~Inigo Montoya
Go on about your life. Hopefully she will see how happy you two are and apologize to you. As with most things, most age differences are troublesome, but all age differences are not.
I am literally flying home right now from the wedding of my team member (28F) and her new husband (43M) who was contracting for our company. They are a wonderful couple.
I have been blessed with an exquisite about to hit 3 decade marriage. We are different cultures, from different countries, different religions (one Christian one not), different skin colors, married at 22/21, and accidentally got pregnant right away, with nothing to our name except that we graduated from college. My parents cut us off for 2 years. Talk about stacking up the issues, but we have somehow grown happier now than we were even at our wedding day.
Poor choice of words from someone who most likely hasn’t been boned properly in a while!
You already know that vice versa the men wouldn’t get called out for that. And if they did, nothing would change.
20 and 27 isn’t that bad.