Throw away account – I have some pretty gnarly genetic conditions that have destroyed my life. I have been arguing with my son’s mother for a decade about getting him tested for these conditions and I was finally able to get it done with intervention from lawyers. Well… I was expecting to see certain genes in his test, whether heterozygous or homozygous (carrier or has it full blown) but the results came back missing these.
I’m wondering if I’ve been lied too this whole time about the child being my blood child. It won’t change anything because I love him no matter what, but I’m wondering if I should do a parental dna test now. His mother is a pathological liar. I didn’t even know her real age until we were in a doctors appointment for her pregnancy and the doc asked if her bday was correct. Leaving the office was a painful conversation about the lie (lied by 5 years in our 20’s) which led me to always question things. Now I’m questioning if my son is in fact my son.
Should I get the test so my son and I know the truth or is it a moot point since it won’t change how I interact with him?
Comments
Your entire reality was built on trust that’s been chipped away by years of deceit, and now even biology is throwing shade. A paternity test won’t change your love, but it might finally silence the storm of what ifs echoing in your head.
Truth cuts deeper than doubt, and living with a quiet question can poison even the strongest love. If the genetics don’t add up, a paternity test isn’t betrayal it’s clarity for both you and your son.
Your mind won’t be at peace until you get the test. Either a positive or a negative result would still be better than having doubt for your entire life. Do it, and good luck
Assume he’s not your blood child. Be happy he doesn’t have your genetic conditions in any case. I don’t think any good can come out of a paternity test when he’s this old already. Parenting will get tough during the teenage years FYI.
I think the mother refusing to test for genetic condition kind of says it all. Normally, parent would want to know so they can help/support/prevent, whatever they can do to prepare in unfortunate situation. And it affect not only the child’s life, possiblly future generations too.
But dna test is really up to you. Do you really want to know after all these years? Maybe it may not affect how you feel about your child, but your son might.
How old is your son? If he finds out you are not his father will he want to continue your relationship? You say it won’t change how you interact with him but he might decide he wants to find his real dad.
Assume you are the dad and think if you’d like to know those results for sure. Then assume you are not the father and live with that reality for a few days.
There’s no right or wrong answer, just consequences to live with depending on the results.
Personally, I think I’d be worried finding out he’s not my son and the relationship changing. So I’d pretend he is my son and live life like that. But you might want to know for sure.
What kind of parent wouldn’t want to be sure that their child is healthy and safe? Seriously. After the second sentence it is certain that she is hiding something. Maybe she cheated and not sure if you are the father, maybe she knows it well. Still, take that test. You deserve to know.
Just make sure to prepare to face your feelings and keep your child safe. They don’t deserve to be punished because of this.
Eventually, he will need to know that you’re not his biological father. (I’m assuming you are not.) He will need to know that your medical history doesn’t apply to him. Ideally, he can find his sperm donor, just to get that medical info.
So do a paternity test now, or do it later. But don’t wait so long that he does an Ancestry.com DNA test himself first. Kids who aren’t told the truth feel horribly betrayed, and it can destroy their relationships with their parents.
What’s your kids blood type and what’s yours? In some cases you can know if you are the biological father just from that.
I’m pretty sure you could get a paternity test at CVS so just privately test him
You should most definitely get the test done.
I don’t understand the relevance of the tests he’s had. Either they conclusively answer the question, or they have no bearing on it?
So, why now, for a dna test? You must have doubted the whole time?
Paternity tests should be done automatically at birth in my opinion. It would prevent so many arguments and heartache if it was just a thing that was done as a matter of course.
You should get it done and then if you care for your son keep being a dad to him whatever the result.
She has a history of blatantly lying. I’d get paternity testing done.
If there were no history and you were still together, that would be a different story.
Get the test, both for your sake and your son’s (and possibly for the sake of another man out there as well). You deserve to know the truth.
When your son grows up, it’s possible he’ll want to do some genetic testing himself. If he’s not your biological son and finds that out on his own, it could cause a rift between you two because he’ll wonder why you kept that information from him. If you aren’t his bio-dad, he deserves the opportunity to try to form a relationship with that man.
Do the paternity test so that you can contribute to your son’s life in the way that YOU see best and not the way the mother or the court wants. It will give you the freedom to help raise him the way you want to. I know of someone who was in a similar situation and instead of paying child support to the mom, he put it in a bank account for the kid and the kid had a debit card to that account that the mother could use for groceries and living expenses but it was clear that the account was the kids. He didn’t restrict it much but he felt more at ease with giving the money directly to his son.