Am not a Muslim anymore

Okay so I was a born muslim, as a kid I just went along with every religious things happening and just said yes to everything and anything anyone asked me to do , during lockdown, I started questioning stuff , my mum would just straight up look at me as if I am satan and questioning even makes me a sinner or evil and would instantly Made me say “astaruguffilah” and I would shut up , I was too scared to even question my mum , I’d feel evil.
Then it was just me beating myself up , whenever I’d think about my religion , I’d find myself looking a sinner , just pure evil and ITS EXhAUStiNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG , ITS SO EXHAUSTING , it’s like poison, you just kill urself, it’s not even like I did not try I did ,u did try , after ,my 10th grade finals , I actually believed everything, I did and ended up sobbing for 4 days , that four days I prayed all five prayers , cried during all of those, sobbed all the time , had a nightmare that I died , cried even more, after those 4days , something in me died, just ended , even when praying I never meant most of those things , I tried but failed and it made me feel shittier, I just could not bring myself to pray anymore. Let me give you a family background check , my mum and dad are very religious, they threaten Me my education just because I don’t pray enough (i pretend all I can) they , just because I don’t wear hijabs , just because I went to a friends birthday party , just because I go to school, my mum was forced into marrying my dad , my grandparents mentally and physically abused her and btw the mentals still on btw , so my dad pitched in little talk of hope and my mum has a ungodly attachment with him , my dad on the other hand does not give enough shits about her , for goodness sakes he doesn’t even get up to spit my mum gets him a jug to where he is at , he screams at her all the time , she is like her maid , i don’t think even a maid would do so much, a slave , he loves Himself more than my mum , we live in a joint family, my mums has been begging my dad to get a apartment, and this year he could have but no no , he wanted a car for himself, he got that damn care, my mum has mental breakdowns infront of me for as long as u can Rmr and all she says is “I am such a sinner , I deserve this” , my older brother is mentally fucked up , if I started , it wouldn’t end , he is toxically religious too ,very agressive, voilent, school drop out , very disrespectful, both my parents are not educated, my dad has a ego , it shows, my mum has mixed days , there’s no peace and quite In this house , I am a middle child girl , struggled with body issues all my life obviously because no way in joint families you’ll be loved , started my lose weight plan when 10 (wrote diaries) my whole life was about me losing weight and friendships nothing has changed, lost weight but still am so insecure and struggle everyday , no friends yet, one I have is toxic too but if I leave her I am going to km and I am terrified of death , my issue hear is I am in my senior year of Highschool, i wanna get into med school, sharing room with 2 brothers , parents who suddenly care, and that too about my hijab and prayer , constant fights, loneliness, I can’t seem to even study for what 1 hour ? , I tried with my religion, I’d say stuff never mean it , that was hypocritical, I was being a hypocrite, I do know one thing tho if it weren’t for how I was raised, I’d love the religion, I am not saying I hate Islam , I am just making terms with the fact that , I am not a muslim anymore , but I hope once I’m out of this house , i’d give it a better shot , but for now I am not a muslim and am not obligated to anything or anyone and I am not going to die just because I admitted to it. Ignore the grammar