Basically the title: Do you minimize (or even hide) any health conditions from your partner? If so, what is the thinking behind it? Or perhaps your partner was hiding something from you that you later on found out about.
I have heard this a few times from people and just wondering about the logic behind it.
Comments
None. She knows everything, from my physical and developmental disabilities to my other health conditions.
Literally nothing. He knows the frequency of my bathroom runs, he knows when I’m on my period, he’s the first to know of any weird ache or pain. He even knows about an OD suicide attempt I did when I was younger so that when my body does weird shit as I age, none of it is a surprise. He’s my best friend
Nothing, if I stub my toe I might even text him about it. Lol. I tell him everything 🤷♀️
Depression. I learned long ago no one really wants to hear about all that, regardless how much they may care for you. And no one can fix your depression for you. It’s mostly illogical bs anyway. So now he will notice if I’m extra sad, ask if there’s anything he can do, and I just say extra hugs and cuddles and that’s that. I don’t really go into how exactly I’m feeling or what I’m thinking. There’s really no reason to.
None. I expect the same from him.
Also… why would I? He knows about mine and drives me to and from appointments.
None, especially now that I’m pregnant. If anything goes sideways, he has to be in the loop.
Nothing lol, sometimes he gets annoyed how I tell him my period flow when its abnormal! 🤣 starts shouting tmi tmi!
When we first started dating and it was becoming serious, I told my then bf now fiancé that I was on meds for depression, and that i had also been on meds for depression in high school, and i will likely be on these meds forever. What I didn’t tell him was that I used to self harm, have/had passive thoughts about dying, days spent in bed feeling entirely unmotivated to even feed myself, only getting up to make sure my cat was taken care of. That I still have days when everything feels so overwhelming I just can’t.
Why? It’s not because I think he would leave me. I think it’s more that depression is very hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it and I don’t think I would be able to accurately explain what it’s like.
They know, but I do try and hide my symptoms and bad days because I don’t ever want to seem like a burden or complainer 🙁
How much pain I am in. I am not sure why, I just am in pain all of the time and don’t think he needs to know it unless it’s horrible. But I think that’s a trauma response that I am working on in therapy.
I suffer from depression, I have never discussed this with my boyfriend. I also had gastric surgery long before I met him, I’ve also never mentioned thus to him
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No. I don’t have any health conditions so there’s nothing really to hide. No allergies no skin issues nothing. It is weird sometimes that I have nothing to declare so I’m lucky that way.
I don’t hide anything, and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I felt the need to hide anything either
I don’t actively hide it, but I’m not constantly updating him on it. I can’t hide my stomach issues at meal time, but I don’t tell him every time it hurts, same for my hip issues, even if it might be relevant.
I just don’t want to constantly talk about it.
None. I might not talk about it for a day it’s because I’m sick of talking about it. If he asks about it on those days I’ll be honest though.
Nothing, my partner is my rock. I try not to complain too often, but I wouldn’t say that’s the same as hiding it. They also share everything with me as far as I know.
IBS
nothing!! i have PCOS and i’m very open about my cycles and how i feel during my periods:)
Sounds like something dictators do. (See e.g. Stalin)
Stomach flu, unless I’m actively puking in front of him I think that condition is just too embarrassing in general to show anyone. It makes me feel slimy
I hid a lot because they were abusive and ableist. If I said anything I was told “you’re not sick” or “you’re faking it.” I have multiple disabilities.
We’ve since broken up.
No, I do not because because it just hurts me, my partner and the relationship. Also I get really bad anxiety so I can’t even hide it to be honest.
I’m 6 years older than my husband & at 53 I was in pain everyday but I attributed it to aging. Last week I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I didn’t speak about the frequency or location of the pain because I didn’t want to sound crazy. My first visit to the rheumatologist & he quickly honed in on the diagnosis.
My hair loss. I don’t want him to start noticing it or compare my hair with other ladies around.
Anxiety. Because we have kids and he has chronic insomnia. Just trying to take care of myself (therapy, acupuncture, exercise, time w friends) and not add to the chaos.
Getting better about asking for what I need but there are days the anxiety is fairly constant.
To be fair we have teens, one of whom has been thru moderate/severe mental health issues within the past few years. As she gets better I feel like I have more breathing room.
My initial response was “nothing”
But I definitely minimize how I’m feeling at times. I struggled with weight for a while. And I’m now having success with a GLP1, and I make sure not to talk down about myself a lot in front of him.
My husband is my best friend, but he’s not (completely) my diary lol
Nothing.
I have a skin condition that I wouldn’t say I “minimize” but I certainly don’t give him a play by play lol
I get pneumonia every 4-6 weeks due to being immunocompromised, frequent surgery/dislocations/fractures due to Ehlers danlos syndrome, thalassemia and endometriosis for which I’ve had surgery and is almost certainly back.
I dont actively hide them but I do minimise more so because it’s my daily life and I know it stresses him out to an extent and it’s not new information. If he was as frequently unwell as me, it’d make me sad to not only see it but also hear how awful it is on a regular basis. It can also shift the dynamic of a relationship depending on how severe your condition can get, and I don’t want a “carer” relationship at all. I want my partner who cares for me but is also actively attracted to me as a person.
Plus I dont like being viewed as someone who needs help, I am perfectly capable unless I specifically ask for the help. I like my independence, and you never know when/if you’ll end up alone. As a woman with these conditions I’d like to be able to look after myself comfortably in every way if times get hard and I’m on my own (which happened when I got divorced a few years ago).
He knows it all. He knows when I can’t open mouth kiss because wet makes me gag for the day. He knows when I have pain where I can’t move. He knows when my depression is so bad I can’t get out of bed.
And he sticks with me, helps me when I need help walking. All of it. We are partners.
Not exactly a health condition i guess but I really do downplay how much my anxious attachment affects me in the relationship. Not because i don’t want him to know, but because i know it is my responsibility to handle it when those emotions come up if I truly want to change my way of thinking to a healthier one
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The big stuff, real issues, I tell my wife about. But I’m also 12 years older, so I’ve mostly stopped telling her how much shit hurts. It’s nothing in particular, just everything in general. Literally every second of every day, I can point to any area of my body and say, yep that hurts. She doesn’t need to hear all that.
sometimes i actively hid how bad some of my lows are with my depression. i also don’t share the frequent body pains i have just cause i don’t think they’d want to hear it frequently.
I have a pelvic prolapse after having my second baby. I don’t tell him cause that’s pretty fucking embarrassing.
I don’t hide anything, but I won’t be super detailed about pain I experience that has no actionable steps. I have endometriosis + PCOS, when it hurts I won’t hide it, but I don’t go on about it and I don’t describe what I’m actually feeling, just that I’m in pain. He is so sweet, he always looks so concerned when I’m hurting and he always tries to help and make it better. I had a toothache once and he was so sweet about keeping me comfortable until I could get to the dentist. He’s a good one.
My abusive ex-husband always wanted step by step detailed info on my pain, like I had to justify it to him or something. I have a pretty large vocabulary, so I can be fairly descriptive. I once told him that it felt like my spine had been welded to my navel, and each muscle fiber was now being peeled away from that weld with a white hot, dull knife. He still didn’t bring me the medicine I was asking for.
We don’t live together after 2.5yrs and I think part of the reason is that I worry he’ll see how much rest I need. I had long Covid to the point of hospitalisation and although I’m a million times better, I still need a lot of rest and recovery. He’s full of energy and loves the gym, and I just can’t keep up, so it’s easier to do it when I’m alone.
Depression and eating disorder.
I also don’t think he realizes how bad my headaches and migraines are. I don’t complain about my health period.
I have a rectovaginal fistula. I don’t tell the extent of what it is bc it’s really gross
I’m in almost constant pain from arthritis in my hands and wrists, feet and knees. I used to talk about it a lot, but most people don’t really want to listen to anyone’s health problems over and over. Hell, I’m a nurse and I feel that way. I hurt yesterday; I’m going to hurt tomorrow: there’s nothing really new to tell my partner, so I just deal with it.
Chronic conditions. I don’t hide it. He knows about it but I actively choose not to complain.
I don’t hide or minimise anything but I also don’t share that much with him anymore either because he is not interested.
My husband knows it all. I get chronic migraines and in the beginning of us dating I tried to hide them because I didn’t want the scare him off. Then one day we were at his house and I got one so bad I couldn’t lift my head up without barfing. He ended up taking me to the hospital and that’s where he learned how bad they were. He did so much research into migraines and is always trying new pain management techniques. Some of them actually work!
And that’s one of the many reasons he’s now my husband.
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Everything. Only “need to know” basis. If I bleed or are contagious, I’ll let him know, but other than that I try to keep my mask on
My father has last stage cancer , he doesn’t tell a thing to mom about how he feels and whether smth hurts. U can read it all based on his voice…
If I have to experience it, he has to hear about it lol
I tell him everything. He knows what my blood sugar is.
Endometriosis.
Well, I don’t entirely hide it I just minimise the symptoms but I think I do to myself on some level too. I think it’s a coping strategy at this point. I’m much better after surgery but I know before I didn’t complain about being in pain because I would be complaining all the time. I did not want to be the person who complained about being in pain all the time.
I also think it’s due to people and doctors thinking I was overreacting and being ‘dramatic’ about period pain. I learned to shut up and just get on with things (before puny diagnosis).
I didn’t hide it per say. But I knew something wasn’t right, though not quite what. I didn’t at all feel well and was practically living with my ex at the time. I actually had ME/CFS and was in a crash, slept a lot, felt terrible every day, could barely do school work and could barely move beyond the necessities. But managed to write my master thesis somehow, like 1-2h work per day max.
He simply didn’t care. Didn’t ask, didn’t seem to want to know anything about it, and so I just dealt with it on my own. I did get better and was able to start working laster that same year, and moved in with him. But didn’t have energy beyond work + driving 2,5 hours for work per day. So I had no energy to spend with his daughter. And he didn’t understand or care and just figured I straight up refused to spend time with her when I told him I couldn’t be with the two of them the entire time she was over, every time multiple times a week🤦♀️
Later on I was with another guy for a while, I was better at that time and still didn’t know what was up and just did my best to survive. I was used to people not understanding, not listening, not caring. Didn’t even try to bring it up.
Men generally never understand anything they haven’t experienced themselves. Women will listen and believe you, generally. Men? Nope, what isn’t an issue to them isn’t an issue to you.