I (26M) don’t know how else to describe it, but my gf (25) is just mean to me sometimes and it’s happening more and more frequently. We’re both mid 20’s and don’t live together. Somedays I only see her when we drive to and from work together.
I really do try to put in effort to maintain the relationship and I feel like she just takes me for granted.
I ask her how she slept, how her day was, how she’s feeling, she never reciprocates. We only listen to the music she wants to listen to or she’ll get mad and put in headphones while I’m driving.
Today when I was driving her home from work she was texting someone about a work thing and was giggling, when I asked her what it was she refused to tell me because I wouldn’t get it. Then when I try telling her about a show I was watching she said she doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t want to hear about it because it’s a stupid show.
I understand that after work she is stressed and just wants some alone time, but it just seems like she doesn’t put any work into our relationship.
I’ve already talked to her about the way she treats me and she started crying and promised she would do better, but it just feels exhausting to have to keep calling her out on little inconsiderate things like that.
She struggles with depression and it’s been bad lately which has lead to her shutting down.
This is my first real relationship (3 years together) and it’s just exhausting. I really like her when she’s in a good mood and I understand she’s depressed but I’m not her therapist. If you have experience with something similar to this, is there any chance she can change and actually start putting in effort?
The painful thing is, I know she really does love me. She wants me to propose and start a family together, but she just has no idea how shitty she’s treating me. Any advice would be appreciated, I just needed to vent.
Comments
I never get why people treat “relationship” like it’s a third thing. There’s you, then there’s her. She needs to work on herself and you need to decide what it means for you, not some thing called relationship
I wouldn’t say she won’t change but if you are considering proposing, I’d say wait for the change first..
Yeah I’d def put things on hold. You don’t ignore or dismiss people you care about no matter what. She also seems a little immature when you’re having a conversation about how you’re uncomfortable with how she treats you and she’s acting like you’re the one being rude to her. Also, if she’s hiding her phone and giggling then there’s a chance she may be hiding something or someone. You guys need to sit down again and put everything on the table, it’s either gonna work out or not because you do not deserve this.
You deserve better man. There has to be more compromise. She IS treating you unfairly. 3 years is a long time, and I myself hate to walk away from things when I’ve already invested so much time and energy, but don’t waste any more time. It doesn’t really seem like she is emotionally mature enough for marriage and a family. Maybe she could get there with the right counseling. At the end of the day it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep fighting, but yeah man, it gets fucking exhausting. Good Luck Deciding Your Future 🙏🏼
A relationship with the right person will feel effortless. Take her disinterest as a sign that she isn’t the one for you, and move on. You are both young and there’s still plenty of time to find the right partner. Her unwillingness to put any effort in the relationship is a giant red flag. Continue like this and you’ll both be miserable.
“I really like her when she’s in a good mood” oh buddy I needed a good laugh.
Yo that’s literally anyone in the world.
She’s cheating on you, breakup.
Your GF is selfish, moody and has mentally checked out. This was literally my ex. Trust me, unless they make a conscious effort to be a better partner or work on their mental health, it’s not gonna get any better. You can wait around hoping your GF will be in a better mood but you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
Everyone on Reddit is going to say to break up- and maybe you should, but just take that with a grain of salt. Only you truly know what’s best for you. Sometimes it’s good to quietly sit with yourself and ask yourself : what’s heavier? Me staying, or me leaving?? Whatever mentally/emotionally “feels” LIGHTER in your imagination is usually the right choice. So maybe sit on that for a little bit:)
My therapist sent me this and I found it helpful. Good information regardless of what you decide:
https://www.voicedialogue.com/break-up-or-stay-together/