So, I got a message today from someone I used to work with a few years ago. You could call him an acquaintance I suppose, as we were never close friends or anything. He was a nice guy I got to know from work (for about 5 months before I left), and we loosely kept in touch on text/occasional call after I left the company. He left a few months I did, got a job, and last I heard was starting his own agency. I was happy to know he was focusing on his own stuff.
For context: In past conversations, he often talked about how he was investing in companies, chilling with all his buddies who were making it, aiming big, chasing money, the type that wants to “make it BIG”. I remember feeling sliiightly turned off by the talk, just because he sort of had this, how do i put it, ‘hot-shot’ way of speaking about these things, that i would always think to myself that he needed to be careful/
Anyway, he called me twice over the past two weeks. I missed his calls (I was slightly caught up), and I finally messaged today asking if everything was okay. That’s when he told me he was in a really rough spot.
He said he felt awkward to even ask, but he’s being kicked out of his apartment for not paying rent. Apparently, he got terminated from his last job, didn’t get a proper settlement, and ended up spending what he had to sort out visa/company stuff. He says he got a grace period of a few days but was supposed to be evicted yesterday. From the agency he runs, he says there is a client payment coming at the end of the month (today is May 7th) and asked if i could lend him 5k AED (1.3k USD) which he says he’ll repay me by then. I told him I couldn’t. I make decent money, however do have a big expense coming up as I plan to do my masters this fall and have to pay the fee in a few months time. I COULD lend it to him since I’m actually doing fine, but I just don’t feel comfortable knowing I could trust to get it by the end of the month.
He was respectful, said he totally understood if I couldn’t help, and apologized for even asking. But now I don’t feel great about it. Not because I think I should have said yes, but because it feels awful to turn someone away when they’re in a tough place. I asked him what about his friends – he said his one close friend couldn’t (who is an investment banker, but sure), another friend didn’t want to get money involved in friendships, and someone else who he was very close to said no as well.
How do you shake off the guilt (tbh i don’t think i feel guilty, but i guess in touch with the feeling) when you protect your boundaries – especially with money? Because he did seem to be in a place where it seemed like he was really struggling and idk if made me feel, awful.
ALSO: Adding that my relationship with money is a huge work in progress. Growing up we were financially struggling and only now have been able to build something, but i do notice the insecurity that comes up when someone asks for money.
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You made the right decision.
I think you made the right call. Setting boundaries with money is important, especially when your own future plans are on the line.
Can I have £5k please?
Do you feel bad for saying no to me?!?
Benjamin Franklin said it best, and it’s still true,. “Neither a borrower or a Lender be.”
protecting your peace isn’t selfish
My experience with people who talk big is that they are liars. Don’t feel bad. Chances are you’d never see that 5 grand again.
You couldn’t miss that money. You have good reason to say no. He created his own perils, it’s his to sort out.
I’d say, only lend money you’d be okay with never seeing again.
You did the right thing. Feel good about that
You made the correct decision. We ‘lent’ a months salary to who we considered to be very good friends ten years ago, their had been sickness and they had young children.
We had to chase month by month for the installments back, which tailed off after they had repaid just a quarter of it.
We’re no longer friends.
Never mix money, business or paid employment with friends, family or neighbours.