People have more sympathy for the people affected by a dead bedroom than the person causing it when it should be equal support for both sides.

When people talk about “dead bedrooms,” the conversation almost always centers around the person who wants more sex, how frustrated, neglected, or unwanted they feel. And yeah, those feelings are valid. But what’s often completely overlooked is the emotional weight carried by the partner with the lower libido.

Low libido isn’t just someone deciding they don’t want sex anymore. It’s often rooted in things that are deeply personal and hard to talk about. Depression, anxiety, body image issues, past trauma, stress from work or parenting, chronic illness, hormonal imbalances, or just feeling emotionally disconnected in the relationship. They’re not “withholding” intimacy out of spite. They’re struggling in silence, often carrying guilt, shame, and fear of being seen as broken or unloving.

A lot of them don’t even feel safe to open up, because the moment they do, they’re met with blame or pressure to “just fix it.” And the more pressure they feel, the more shut down they become. It’s a cycle. They might feel completely alone, like they’re failing their partner and the relationship, and yet they don’t even have the language to explain why.

So yeah, there’s pain on both sides—but if we only ever sympathize with the higher-libido partner, we risk missing the bigger picture. Compassion shouldn’t only go to the person who wants more, it should also go to the person who might be hurting quietly and feels like they can’t win no matter what they do.