2 nights ago, I (15f) was eating dinner with my dad (40m) and his fiancée (41f) when we got into an argument. My dad and his fiancée have been together for a year so I didn’t really know her well before she moved in (My father also never told me she would be moving in). Me and his fiancee dislike each other, she was raised Christian and expects me to go to church with them even though Im not religious, this isn’t really a problem anymore because I told my mother I didn’t want to go but his fiancee still likes to make snarky comments about religion like saying I can’t celebrate Christmas if I’m not Christian. So, I’ve been on the edge with her.
I really hate onions, my father and his fiancée know this but they still decided to put a ton of onion in the dinner so I had to pick onions out of my food. I was complaining about them making something with a ton of onion when they know I hate onions. The fiancée started talking about how in her family whenever someone didn’t like something for dinner they would have to make a different meal for themselves. I got really pissed off and told her that I wasn’t her family so that didn’t apply to me and she started saying that when she and my dad got married she would be my stepmom. I told her that didn’t make her my family and then she started talking about if she and my dad ever had a child (which they won’t because he already has a teenager and she’s over 40) that I would be her family. I told her I wouldn’t be interacting with that child and then she stopped talking.
EDIT: Added context, I was doing homework so that’s why I couldn’t help out with dinner. It’s usually all three of us but I was busy so it was just them.
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2 nights ago, I (15f) was eating dinner with my dad (40m) and his fiancée (41f) when we got into an argument. My dad and his fiancée have been together for a year so I didn’t really know her well before she moved in (My father also never told me she would be moving in). Me and his fiancee dislike each other, she was raised Christian and expects me to go to church with them even though Im not religious, this isn’t really a problem anymore because I told my mother I didn’t want to go but his fiancee still likes to make snarky comments about religion like saying I can’t celebrate Christmas if I’m not Christian. So, I’ve been on the edge with her.
I really hate onions, my father and his fiancée know this but they still decided to put a ton of onion in the dinner so I had to pick onions out of my food. I was complaining about them making something with a ton of onion when they know I hate onions. The fiancée started talking about how in her family whenever someone didn’t like something for dinner they would have to make a different meal for themselves. I got really pissed off and told her that I wasn’t her family so that didn’t apply to me and she started saying that when she and my dad got married she would be my stepmom. I told her that didn’t make her my family and then she started talking about if she and my dad ever had a child (which they won’t because he already has a teenager and she’s over 40) that I would be her family. I told her I wouldn’t be interacting with that child and then she stopped talking.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TA for telling her she’s not my family. I feel like it’s possible that I was just being an angsty teen and it’s normal for stepparents to be considered family when they get married to your parent.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Kids that are hungry make poor decisions .
Nta it sounds like very needs to step back and talk to your mother
Sorry. You can’t have it both ways. You dislike each other, but yet you expect her to cater to your likes and dislikes. She should as an adult not deliberately antagonize you, but you should learn not to be snotty and complaining. As for the family thing, as my mom used to say, she wasn’t a short order cook. On the rare occasion she cooked something my picky sister wouldn’t eat, at fifteen you can either cook for yourself or remove the offending onions.
You sound like an angsty teen. Pretty typical.
ESH – you’re butting heads, which isn’t unusual in this kind of situation, but you’re both overdoing it.
I think you need to have a frank, but calm, discussion with your father about how you view his new relationship. It isn’t reasonable to expect you to just accept all of this and start treating this new person as another mother, and it isn’t reasonable for her to come into the picture and start trying to change you.
NTA but PLEASE tell your dads fiance that Christmas is actually a pagan tradition that the Christian stole and co-opted in order to convert pagans to Christianity!
ESH here but you are a teenager so being being an A is to be expected. A 41 year old grown ass women should know better.
So aside from being annoying, she’s a hippocrite? Being unmarried and living with your partner is considered a sin so when she pushes church, remind her.
ESH because you all sound like squabbling 4 year olds. Honestly, if you don’t like the food, start cooking your own meals. If she’s not your family, don’t expect her to cook for you or cook what you like. You can’t be an ass to someone and expect them to give you whatever you want.
ooh. That woman really wants you out of the house, doesn’t she?
>how in her family whenever someone didn’t like something for dinner they would have to make a different meal for themselves.
Sounds like a good idea to me. Start teaching yourself how to cook food just like you like it.
This woman is asserting her place in the “new household” – cooking food for herself & your dad, expecting everyone to go to church like her, thinking about playing happy families with a baby (it’s possible).
Your dad wants to marry & live with her. You can’t “win” here.
If I were you, I’d quietly (keep your mouth zipped and be polite to the woman), start planning and working towards your independent adulthood. Keep focused on school, look towards further education, learn to cook, learn to do your own laundry, get a job for a few hours a week and start saving some money, learn to drive when you are able.
NTA but be careful that you don’t become one.
she’s a living hypocrite if she moved in with her man and is not married and complaining about you not going to church. Full hypocrisy.
they’re onions. If you don’t like them, cook your own food.
you don’t need to be antagonizing her. After you move out, you never have to see her again, don’t make the few remaining years you’re forced with her any worse.
Honestly, you want to really push her buttons and yet not actually do anything? Ignore her. Don’t speak with her if you don’t need to, give short 1-2 words answers if she’s asking something, don’t engage with conversation during meals, be out of the house as much as possible. Ignoring her will piss her off more than fighting with her. It doesn’t matter if your things get taken away, act like the things dont matter. When she realizes you give no reaction, she’ll turn her focus on something else and leave you alone.
I’ve lived with this type of person. The best course of action is no action. Once they realize you just do not care about what they do because they’re so far below you, they turn their attention to something else. Every time you fight back, you’re giving them fuel to use against you, to keep the fights coming, to make you the problem.
Keep it up when you move out. Don’t accept help, don’t accept money (unless you really truly need to), don’t accept clothes or furniture or decor. Nothing that can lead to her turning it against you.
Then do the ignoring thing cause that’ll be fun too.
And maybe add your dad to that list if he’s not helping you. He should be putting his kid first, not his not-wife.
ESH. Your stepmom is an AH for trying to make you go to church and her inappropriate comments but she is right about the meal. If you don’t like what they cook then you need to cook your own meals or ask them to buy food for you to make sandwiches. Also, woman can have children at the age of 41.