I’m an 18-year-old student who’s been dealing with social anxiety, low self-esteem, and losing close friends for no clear reason and always was the ignored friend that make the most effort but has nothing in return. It’s been tough, and I feel disconnected from people my age. I really want to become more confident, make real, kind friends, and feel like I belong socially . maybe even become a little popular in a natural way. I’m trying to heal and improve myself, but I don’t know where to start socially. Any advice or personal experiences would really help.
Help me please
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If you intend on going to college and living in a dorm a good way of making friends is going to social events at the dorm. You’ll find a bunch of people who are in a similar situation to you.
Rejection therapy. Go in public and ask stupid questions. Ask a shop owner if you can have something for free – stupid things like that. It really helped me with my social anxiety when I was younger because it helps you realise that no one actually cares about you or what you’re doing. We’re all too busy living our own lives.
As for low self esteem, repeat self affirmations to yourself in the mirror daily. Start off with vague ones like “I am worthy of love” “I deserve to be respected” and work your way to more specific ones like “I have beautiful eyes”.
Take time to get to know yourself. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? How do you like to dress? What makes you a good person? What makes you, you?
You’ll slowly start to realise that there are lots of likeable qualities about yourself and it’ll help with your friendships, self esteem, confidence, and anxiety too.
Wish you the best!
Maybe you just don’t click with people your age. Have you considered joining a club or a class with mostly people older than you in it? Political action, volunteering at a charity, special interest clubs like bird watching or Toastmasters for public speaking. The Toastmasters would probably help your confidence a lot, actually!
What are your hobbies, interests, and goals for yourself as a man?
first of all, maybe you just haven’t found the right people yet. secondly, start with improving yourself and how you think ahout yourself. don’t put yourself down or undersell yourself. improve your self esteem and find out what you want. read self help books. focus on yourself, grow, and then go with the flow. you might need to step out of your comfort zone for a while, but its all worth it in the end
after that, it’s a good idea to go out to places you wouldn’t normally go to, try out things you normally dont do; you never know who you might click with. and if you dont click easily, tell yourself its okay and that it says nothing about you. your experiences don’t mean that it’ll be like this forever.
also, who says you absolutely have to have friends? you can spend time on your hobbies. if you really want to have friends, it doesn’t have to be a huge group. sometimes having one or two of the right people in your corner is enough. be comfortable with yourself first, love yourself, and you’ll find that everyone else will too. i hope it gets better for you!