Hi everyone, I’m a 17m and honestly I don’t even know how to start this because I still feel so shocked and hopeless.
For the past few years I’ve been working really hard and saving every penny I could. I had over 4000 saved up from working, scrapping my old car, and selling my PC. I wasn’t saving for dumb stuff or blowing it, I was saving to start a power washing business this summer, which I’ve actually spent months studying for and planning out. It wasn’t just some random idea. It’s literally prime season for it. I was also trying to help support my younger siblings because home has been rough with my mom getting us into a super expensive house and financing a brand new car we couldn’t afford.
A few weeks ago my mom somehow got into my bank account and just took everything. No warning, no asking, nothing. She even changed the password so I can’t even log in anymore to see what’s left.
On top of that she took the money I got from selling my car (650) and my computer (900), which was supposed to be the final push for me to actually start advertising and getting customers. I had already been setting up pages and networking and everything.
Now she’s basically making it clear she’s not helping me with anything. No gas money, no money for uniforms for work, no help with hygiene stuff besides toothpaste and deodorant.
It’s gotten so bad that literally today I had to borrow $45 from my girlfriend just so I could have enough gas to get to work, and she ended up getting mad at me and telling me it’s not her job to be supporting me. And honestly she’s right. It’s not her job. It just made me feel even worse and more alone about all of this.
I’m working 3 jobs right now (2 lifeguard jobs and Taco Bell), plus selling stuff online on Depop, and trying to finish school, and I still can’t even stay ahead. I wasn’t just trying to survive I was actually trying to build something better for me and my siblings but now I feel completely stuck. Some days I don’t even know if I can afford to get to all my shifts.
And it makes it even worse because my mom is still spending a ton of money on fast food like every week and my dad refuses to pick up more jobs or help with anything. It’s like I’m sitting here busting my ass while they just act like everything’s normal and I’m crazy for struggling.
And this isn’t even the first time. Last summer she took 1500 from me too which was everything I had saved up at the time.
Every time I try to confront her she just cries and makes me feel so guilty like I’m attacking her, and I just end up dropping it because I can’t stand making her cry. It feels so manipulative even if it’s not on purpose. I know she’s stressed and struggling too and that’s what makes me feel even worse for being upset but I just feel so hopeless. It’s like no matter how hard I work it can all just be taken from me in a second and nobody even thinks it’s wrong.
I love her because she’s my mom but I honestly feel like I’m drowning and no one even notices or cares.
AITAH for being mad about this? And if anyone has any advice on how to even start trying to fix this or talk to her without it just turning into crying and guilt trips I would really appreciate it because I seriously don’t know what to do anymore.
(If someone can tell me how to include media there are some screenshots from our conversations that show this and may help people break down what i could do to get through to her)
Comments
Sorry this is just ripped from my last post I just honestly need advice or if anyone can think of something that I haven’t
It’s painful, but you can’t keep sharing money, accounts, or plans with her. This doesn’t mean you don’t love her, it just means you’re not letting her hurt you anymore.
As someone who has been through the financial struggle of parents taking what you have, or even “borrowing” with no intention of paying it back, your best option is to find a trusted adult. I’m not sure what the rules are for opening an account but I think you should be able to do so without an adult at 17- depending on where you stay. I would do everything in my power so my parents didn’t know how much money or where I keep it since this continues to be a problem. Your mother seems like she may have some narcissistic traits crying the victim when you discuss these issues with her. Unfortunately, people who act like will always be the victim.
Also I wanted to mention that it is your parents job to take care of you until you are 18 years old and in some states graduated from high school as well. You don’t deserve this treatment and you certainly don’t deserve to watch your hard earned money be taken from you. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and I hope you’re able to get this power washing business started!
Sue her
Why can’t she support you, you’re only 17 and she’s stolen your money. Would your father intervene on your behalf? Is there a physical bank near you where you could go and physically lodge your money? Get a bank card and don’t use a pin she might know eg DOB. I find her behaviour disgusting! Really pray you can do something. It’s terrible when you have been working so hard.
This is financial abuse. After she stole $1500 from you last year, why did you put more in an account she could access? You would be better off burying money in a jar somewhere.
My suggestion is go to the police anyway. Ask for resources for tranditioning out of your house as soon as possible – if you have options besides joining the military the minute you turn 18.
I feel so bad for you you are such a great kid with three jobs you had such great plans for someone your age. Do you have grandparents or anybody that you could move in with? Also I would go to a bank sit down have a talk with someone there I think you can open your own account but you need to ask them how to set it up so your mother cannot get your money you can do that. If you had a best friend you could move in with that would be great. I wish you all the best!
Lock your credit. Pull the reports for all 3 services. If you see loans or cards you don’t pay anything and go to the cops. You press charges. It’s the only way not to be ruined by her.
Was she on the accounts? No go to the police. Go to the IRS.
Not much you can do if she was on the account except sue her in small claims court.
Personally I’d publicly shame her but she likely will kick you out.
So you turn 18 soon- don’t look back. You can be cordial. However don’t forget and trust her ever again. She’s a thief. Nothing is lower than a person who steals from their child. She’s not a good mom.
So she took $1,500 from you last year – And You Didn’t Do Anything To Stop That Happening Again? Like, you still trusted your mom after that? $1,500 ? A mother is not supposed to do that to her son. You should call the police. Or at least sue her. Plus she changed the password so you can’t gather any evidence – dear mother indeed.
Make Her Cry. Get a bank account at a different bank. Let extended family know what she did to you. Get out as soon as you can and don’t look back. That’s toxic.
I’m assuming you’re in the US when I write this. If you’re not in the USA, the laws may be different where you are. In the US, a minor (someone below 18) cannot actually have their own bank account unless they are an emancipated minor. What this means is that “your” bank account legally belongs to your mom. MOST parents respect that distinction and don’t touch their child’s bank account. But for me and for you, that respect wasn’t given. (My parents took from my bank accounts when I was young as well.) LEGALLY, there’s nothing you can do about that, because legally “your” bank account actually belonged to your mother.
So what you do is that, the day you turn 18, you get your documents and go to a different bank from your parents’ bank and open your own account at that bank. Why a different bank? Well, while not common, I’ve heard of cases where parents will talk their way into their adult children’s bank accounts when they know the local branch manager. By using a different bank, you avoid that complication.
FWIW, your NTAH here, but legally there’s also nothing you can do about what your parents did. Start preparing to open your own bank account (and maybe cash your checks and hide the money) and making your exit plan for when you turn 18. With your own bank account, that’ll make things a lot easier. You’re not going to be able to fix the problems your parents have because they aren’t willing to fix it and used your bank account as their own piggy bank. All you can do is protect what’s yours for now and in the future, and get yourself prepared for when you move out and can live life on your own terms. (As I had to learn to do.) Best of luck and remember to give grace to your parents because they’re humans and make mistakes just liek the rest of us
You should be totally angry about this. You are still 17 so it IS her job to be supporting you. My advice would be to secure your important papers (birth certificate, social security card, etc.) See if there is an adult that you can trust to hold onto your money from working until you are 18, because your mother will take everything from you until she bleeds you dry. Then she will do more manipulation to make you feel guilty about calling her out on her theft. It’s probable that she will kick you out of the house the minute you turn 18, so you need some money to tide you over until you can make another living arrangement. Don’t worry about making her cry. I am betting she can cry those crocodile tears on command. I do hope there’s at least one adult you can trust who will open their home to you so you can leave home. After you go, don’t contact your parents for a while, until you know you can tell them no if they call and want your money. You need that money to get yourself started, and it was disgusting that your mother stole it from you.